Why Are So Many Moms Waiting Until Their Child Is 3-4 to Potty Train?

We waited because my son kept saying he wanted to wait until he was 3, and we thought it would be easier to wait than to fight him on it. For about 3-4 months before his 3rd birthday, he would bring me a diaper to change him when he was wet/dirty, tell me when he was going, etc. So I knew that he probably could have done it, but every time I asked, he said no. I didn't feel like forcing it.

Two days after his third birthday, we put him in underwear. He had one accident that morning and one accident 10 days later. Other than that, he was 100% trained for peeing with virtually no effort at all. Pooping was a little tougher, but still no accidents, he would just ask for a diaper when he needed to go for the first few weeks. Within a few weeks of when we started, he was completely trained for pee and poop, day and night.

I wouldn't have planned on waiting till he was three, but waiting till he was ready made the entire process unbelievably easy.

K.
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I don't think doing it before 3 is a bad idea. But some kids just aren't ready. I start introducing the idea of using the potty at 18 months. And everytime we change a diaper we comment on how pee or poo goes in the potty. My oldest two didn't completely "get" the concept until right around their 3rd birthday though. I expect my youngest (now 15 months) will probably be the same way.

there are as many answers as there are children. we've been potty training for a year and a half. between multiple deployments with my husband, mono, UTI's and just life, my daughter does really well for a while and then regresses. she was doing great for months, and then got a UTI and now we are having to go back and readdress some potty training stuff. and kids, at least my kid, are so busy playing and having fun, that stoppion to go pee is last thing on her mind. I've had to tell myself, that eventually, she will stop peeing in her pants. its a battle that i quit going crazy over.

I will give you my personal reason, don't know if it's everyone else's though!!
When my first son was 2 1/2 I tried to potty train him. He was NOT having it. So, I didn't force it. When he was almost 3 (probably a month shy) I introduced it again. He took MUCH better to the idea and was COMPLETELY trained in a week. Not basically, completely. NO nighttime accidents EVER, never did pullups (went straight to underwear), and we never regressed (not even when his brother was born a month later).
Go to my second son. At 2 1/2 I also tried to introduce the potty. Good lord, he threw the biggest fit!! Kicking, screaming. So, I said "fine son. We will try again in a couple of months." One week before he turned three he noticed that his diapers (size 5) were kind of tight and asked me to get bigger ones. I told him (a lie, gasp!) and said that they didn't make diapers bigger, so when he was ready to let me know, and we would go to underwear. The next day he said he wanted to try underwear. He had one accident a day, for three days, and then he was COMPLETELY trained. Went to bed in underwear, just like his brother, and never had an accident.
So, we waited because it was much easier! There are some people on here that are asking questions..."I started training at 2 and now he is 3...how do I get him to stay dry at night??" THAT'S A WHOLE YEAR OF TRAINING...oh my god...I would rather shoot my foot off!! If you wait until your son/daughter is ready it really is so much easier on you and on the child.
Just my HO
L.

The socio/ cultural/ historical part of your Q is too big to answer concisely (why here and not elsewhere)... but if I were researching a paper on it... here would be the brainstorm on it:

- Neurology (as in we know know how the sympathetic and parasympathetic system works in regards to elimination... and that it's not willfulness to be spanked out, but basic physiology). So there is solid science behind the fact that some children are trained as young as walking and others not until 4ish. AKA it's not causal to parenting, but rather causal to neurology.

- Preponderance of dual income to stay at home parents (and absence of governesses)

- Cultural unacceptance of 1/2 naked children

- Number of siblings

- Style of toilets (Western v Asian... asian toilets are a natural style which lines up with the anatomy of our bodies... aka squatting, whereas western toilets. It is FAR easier for children to train on asian toilets, because there isn't a lot of pain and rewiring of the somatic nervous system - aka we use different muscles when squatting v sitting).

- Technology (disposable diapers OR washing machines & diaper services v. old method of scraping / washing / bleaching/ boiling on the stove for HOURS). What plays into what? Since women had more children was it just a fact of life to be scraping and boiling for years or something to be done with as quickly as possible? Or since disposables are expensive, and our level of expected manual work (electric irons, dishwashers, washing machines) so much less does the added expense and work play into wanting to train earlier or does it make it easier to stay in diapers longer? Which way is which?

- Willingness of parents to become "trained" (aka the number of children who are NOT trained, but whose parents say they are and spend all day every day whisking them in and out of the bathroom for several months to a couple of years... instead of the child heading into the bathroom, relieving themselves, wiping, flushing, and washing their hands with help only to reach tall appliances or wiping their bum - which short arms can't reach).

- Definition of "trained". I know 2 families whose 2 yo are completely trained (just need help wiping and washing, but self monitor), but I know HUNDREDS of families who ask the child, or even lead them, every 30 minutes into the bathroom... and who will 'accident' all day long without that assist... who call their children trained. I also know far far more families who don't consider their 2yos trained, because they would accident all day without assist. If 2 children at age 2 both accident without adult monitoring until age 3, and one familiy says their child trained at 2 and the other 3... but they're both doing the same thing... that's a problem.

Those would be what I would start out with, and then researching globally to find out how different cultures, countries, and historically children are trained would be the complete answer. It's a big question.

In my family: I and one of my brothers was trained at 18mo-2years. Another of my brothers was trained at 4.5 (mum was getting worried about kindergarten with him), but most trained around age 3. As did my own son. For all 40 of us (sibs, cousins mine, cousins son's) the average time was about 1 week for daytraining, and night training in also about a week 6mo-1 year later. But NONE of us were pushed, our parents and myself, we just followed family history of waiting until each child was ready... instead of when we wanted them to be ready.

((Our definition of training is 100% self monitored, only needs help wiping/washingup... perhaps 1 accident a month tops)).

I think it is because different people have different definitions as to what it means to be "potty trained" Here is what I mean by saying a child is potty trained: The child tells you when they have to go and goes in the potty, they take off their own bottoms, get onto the toilet (maybe with a small step), do their business, wipe, flush, and wash their own hands. They do this with minimal to no help from mom and dad and they do this Night and Day. There are very few accidents if any once they are truly trained. You do not need to constantly ask if they need to go or remind them. This is what it means to me if you say your child is potty trained, anything much less and it is you that are trained not your kid. Now explain to me how many kids can do all this much before the age of three and that explains the silence in the room most of the time. My daughter trained right before age 3, in about 1 good week and has had maybe 3 accidents total night and day since that point (she is 4.5), we never used pull-ups or anything like that (I think they are garbage and actually defeat training). We were successful because I waited until she was capable and ready to be trained. I can tell you have a very different idea of what it means to be potty trained just by the fact that you say your son is "day" trained, in my eyes he is not potty trained at all---you are more than likely just trained to be in tune to his cues. Just my 2 cents.

Our neighbor twins were potty trained at 18 months.. Our daughter was not interested till she was 3. No matter what I tried she was not going to do it and I was not going to push.There was also long bouts of illness when I knew she just did not feel well enough to concentrate on potty training.

Some moms work with their children for months and months, I even read on here one mom had worked on it for over a YEAR! Once our daughter was ready she was "trained" in less than 10 days.. No crying no fighting and hardly any accidents.. I just let nature take it s course..

Each child is different.. there is no magic number, but there is too early and getting the child upset because they are just not ready.

It is just like walking, talking.... each child is their own person on their own schedule..

it's not recent: the rule of thumb for the past 30 years has been.....girls at 2 & boys at 3. A few families claim success earlier, & media certainly wants us to jump on the bandwagon....but.....I'm not buying it!

I truly believe it's possible to train before these ages, but it's rarely successful for many families.....regardless of what you read & see on TV.
Each time I read a post about early potty training, I cringe! I've been potty training kids for 20+ years now....& I hate when parents push their kids before they're ready!

For my daycare, my guidelines are:
1. self awareness is not based on age. Self awareness is when the child recognizes & identifies each round of urination. It is NOT when the child learns to remove the diaper!!! That's just motor & cognitive skills! A case of "ooh, what's this?" & "oooh, look at what I can do!"
2. pull-ups are a crock, usually ending in prolonging the whole process! Once a child begins showing signs of self-awareness, I begin introducing the potty chair. After a few successes, I ask the parents for the thick training pants & plastic pants. With most children, it will take a few weeks of accidents before they achieve control. #1 rule for this time period is to never, ever reprimand the child for accidents!
3. success with the potty does not progress at the same pace for both home & daycare. Most children will lapse at one place, & succeed at the other! ???what the heck??!!! But it does happen regularly!
4. children will potty train easier if with other/older children cheering them on! It's a fun process for all involved!

I have lots more thoughts on this subject, but I will end with an account of the last child I trained. She was almost 20 months old when her parents decided it would be "fun to potty train early, because Gma said that both of her girls (the mom & her sis) were trained before 15 months". This child was completely without the much needed self-awareness, but was also completely amendable to everything her parents wanted. Almost 6 MONTHS in pullups before she would cooperate with training! What a nightmare! Each time we spoke about the process, I would say, "yes, she potties sometimes when I take her...but if I miss my mark, her diaper is wet. She is not self-aware yet." & each time, they would show disappointment in her.....& openly admitted that they rarely had a dry evening! My recommendation that we try at a later time was refused.

After those long 6 months, I finally mentioned that the pullups were part of the problem & that it was time to either postpone the training OR it was time to put her in panties. This also was met with resistance! OMG! One week later, when getting the progress update, I mentioned that the child held the record for the longest potty training in my 20+ years of doing it. !!(I am soooo bad....but I was sick of it!!) & guess what? The following Monday, the child was in panties & has been trained ever since! I have NO idea what happened that weekend.....but my guess would be that the parents finally buckled down & took charge! Regardless, it's a done deal!

I think it greatly depends on how the child can handle the potty training. I trained my first child around 2. It was a painless and quick thing of one week. He never peed in his bed or in his pants.

When my second son came along, I anticipated the same smooth transition. I was in for a huge surprise. He couldn't handle the potty training at all. He refused to even sit on the potty. When he didn't wear diapers I had to change all his clothes sometimes 3 times within a few hours. It was frustrating and extremely fruitless. It put a lot of stress on him as well as me. That's why I decided to wait until he was a bit older. We started training again when he was three so that he would be dry at 3 1/2 when he started preschool. Again, it was very hard and he just didn't get the concept. Luckily he was able to control his bladder by the time preschool started, but he still refused to go on the potty or on the toilet for bowel movements.

For us, I really felt that there was no point in forcing anything as it was very frustrating. That's why I decided to delay potty training with my second son. We always have to remember that every child is different and that something that works for one, doesn't necessarily work for someone else. My feeling always was that early training is good, if it works for the child, but if the child has difficulty with it, there is no harm done by waiting.

My son is now 5 and he is potty trained. In retrospect, it really doesn't matter if he was 2 or 3 by the time he was dry. I think by waiting, I saved myself a lot of frustration and many, many loads of laundry.

From what I have seen, some kids can be potty trained before they turn three but they are usually the the exception, not the rule. It's a physiological thing; most kids developmentally are just not ready before they are 3 or 4. And of the kids that I saw that were potty trained before they turned 3, they still had a lot of accidents and their moms ran themselves ragged trying to get their kid to the bathroom on a very frequent basis. If your child is showing signs of potty readiness before they are 3, then most definitely go for it! I just think that you should potty train when it is right for them, which is usually when they are showing signs of being ready.

Hmmm...I don't think I have met any mamas who "think training before 3 is such a bad idea...". I think I have met dozens of mamas who work very diligently and with a lot of care and concern to potty train their child when the timing is best for their child.

I am the mother of two boys. One was "day training" (whatever that means) for months but didn't master it until 3 months after his 3rd birthday. And for the record, he was accident-free for ever after. The other declared himself in training at 21 months and was done by 24 months. God bless the stubborn boy but very little of it was our doing. His body and brain were ready and "training" played very little role.

I don't like the idea of even subtlety shaming mamas and children for their potty training schedule.

My reason for waiting? (My son is 2.5).

Because so many people (you included) say my child is "basically" trained or "Mostly" trained or "pee" trained or "day" trained.

Well, that's not really potty trained to me. That's mostly trained, which is different.

When my son is PT I want him to be ready to do EVERYTHING on the potty, day and night.

Don't get me wrong, I anticipate accidents...lots of them. But with an older child I can communicate better with, it just seems to me it'll go more smoothly and be more HIM training than ME training.

Of course I may be back in 6 months saying I was totally wrong, lol.

You don't say how old your son is, but it's great that he's doing well and that you're keeping it positive. Can't beat that!

But not all younger children will be able to achieve positive results at an early age, and setting up an expectation that they should can actually set the process back and leave kids with a sense of failure or resistance. And not all parents will have the attention or availability to use the "set the timer and direct the child" approach, or the "be attuned to your child's signals" approach. Families who allow the child to lead will still end up with fully trained children just as soon as the child is mature enough. For many kids, that will happen somewhere between 2.5 and 4.5, with boys tending toward the later age.

Parents who are truly dedicated to getting their kids to a potty every time can and do get children who are trained much younger (with unflagging parental attention). Those children are sometimes, but not always, emotionally committed to ongoing success. The obligation just looks too large or onerous for many kids, so backsliding after a period of apparent success is common. Can those kids be cajoled or maneuvered or punished or bribed into ongoing performance? Sometimes, but that doesn't seem to be the same thing as successfully achieving that developmental milestone, which can become totally voluntary only when the child is both physically and emotionally prepared for it.

I respond often to parents who aren't having good results with training kids before 2.5. I don't recommend they "wait until 3 or 4," I suggest they wait until they child shows most of the signs of readiness, which may occur as late as 3 or 4. (Checklists: http://www.parentingscience.com/toilet-training-readiness...)

What I think of as "pre-training" can be started to good effect with much younger children – helping them become acquainted with the potty, perhaps practice sitting, reading stories and watching videos about using the potty, role-playing, etc. All these things can encourage the child to think positively about the process, and may promote emotional readiness.

But I grew up in a generation that rigorously pushed potty training on kids almost as soon as they could walk. My mom remembers a sort of competition among mothers who wanted to brag that they trained their kids young, as if it were a mark of parental excellence. This approach also produced quite a few people with serious emotional problems to work through as a result of training that was neither realistic or child-centered.

I've known several adults in my own circle of 60-something friends who discovered, while rooting out a sense of inadequacy, shame or anxiety, or problems with authority figures, or general despair, that rigorous and punitive potty-training was a significant contributor to their distress. It's something of a standing joke, but, unfortunately, it isn't funny.

I wouldn't say moms are waiting that long on purpose but what happens is they start too early and it backfires and then they HAVE to wait till the kid is older and more mature. Start when your child is ready not when YOU think they are ready. That's the secret. I have worked with toddlers for 30 years and have seen some trained right at two and some not till 4. I have seen children with developmental issues trained by 21 months. It just depends. It is true that the longer one waits the quicker the process is because the brain is mature enough to think ahead and plan the sequence of using the bathroom.

I didn't think it was a bad idea- but my son sure did! He fought off all attempts to potty train him until 3 1/2 when a preschool teacher he had a crush on convinced him to try it. Then it took 6 months to be accident free.
If it's true that moms in the US are the only ones whose kids fight it i'd sure like to know what moms in other cultures are doing so differently.

I think the trend now is to wait until the child appears ready and starts actually taking cues and professing an interest in using the potty. I was a SAHM with my first and we started when he was 2 but continued on through his 3rd year with plenty of relapses, etc. His little brother who just turned 2 is in a potty training class at this preschool, and over the last week has REALLY started professing an awareness and interest in going to the potty, so we're on it! However, if he hadn't, I would probably have waited several months at least to start putting him on the potty and trying. I think it's just more of a realization to take it child by child and not push a kid who isn't into it to do it too soon. It sounds like your son is really into it though, so this has obviously been the right time for him!

I didn't start out saying I was going to wait until 3 to train my daughter; she just was not showing any interest or other signs of being ready last year when she was 2 and 2.5. Also, they say you should not initiate potty training if there is a lot of stress going on in your household and over the past year we've had plenty - just after my DD turned 2, my mother got diagnosed with acute mylogenous leukemia and had to be hospitalized for chemotherapy treatments. At the same time, I lost my job and while of course I was home more, I was stressed out over my mother and trying to find another job and figuring out how we were going to pay the bills. My mother developed numerous complications, then was also diagnosed with a brain tumor at Christmas, and eventually ended up in hospice care for the last 5 months of her life (plus we almost lost her several times before she even went into hospice). I started a new job (yay!) in May and my mother passed away in July. It would seem to me that to try to throw potty training my DD in there (plus the fact that she didn't seem ready anyway), would just be insane. Now that things have settled down a bit, we are mulling it over again - even though she is still acting very resistant to the whole idea, I am considering the 3-day potty training method. At least we don't have anything else going on that could really get in the way and make it even harder.

I am a firm believer that potty training is not only possible before the age of 2 but also essential for the child to break out of the habit of peeing and pooping in a diaper. Potty training is a lot work, I will not lie. I have 3 children ages 10, 8, and 4. The first two were potty trained BY age two and the baby trained by 2 1/2 years. This is not to mean that by age two is when I began potty training. Oh heavens no! I began the process once they were actively walking and capable of moving from one place to another, very easily AND able to sit on the toilet by themselves without falling over. For me, this process could have begun anywhere from 15-18 months and by the time their 2nd birthday rolled around, they were out of diapers. Night time training, I have to admit did take longer but the key is to get them out of diapers during the day. Night time training is something the child masters solely on their own, your involvement is minimal. My children experienced no trauma. I also believe it is important to introduce the whole toilet experience early on. I brought my children into the bathroom, allowed them to watch me. I even began sitting them on the toilet with those soft cushy toilet ring inserts for babies as young as 6 months. Did I expect them to do anything at 6 months of age? Of course not! But you don't begin teaching your child the art of talking when they are 3 or 4, why in the world would you not introduce them to something early on so that they become comfortable with it.

If a mom is not going to commit to teaching her child to use the toilet, the child simply will not learn. Children learn by example and they need to be led and it is the parent's responsibility to lead the child, not the other way around. If that was the case, then we would see children past 5 years old still in diapers. Heck I see children as old as 4 and 5 still drinking from bottles and sucking on pacifiers. I am sorry to say this so bluntly and I do not intend to offend anyone by saying this, but laziness is a contributing factor where potty training is concerned. It's not easy, it's hard work that takes time, commitment, and persistence for any parent embarking on this exciting adventure. Kuddos for you for accomplishing this task early on. Isn't it nice to not change diapers after the age of 2?

I just wait till the kid shows intrest in potty training. If your child showed intrest ealier - congratz. But most of mine haven't shown signs till after 3... but when they choose to do it, it goes really fast & smooth, well execpt with one, but he is being seen by a doc to see why things are the way they are with him.

Personnaly, I don't want to make potty training a bad expericance for them. But I'm not sure if that is why so many are waiting or not.

Good luck finding your answers.

I don't think it's the parents who wait until 3 or 4, it's knowing that your child isn't ready. There has to be an interest. And it sounds like your son has interest. I just can't force something that isn't mentally setting it. It look my daughter (at 3) over 6 months to be trained, and it was a nightmare. I often wonder if I had just waited a little longer, I would have saved myself the 6 months of hell, and she may have taken to it better. She simply was not ready, and it was being forced because I wanted her to go to preschool where you must be trained.

Right now, my son is 2.5 and I've asked here and there if he wants to try to sit on the potty. I get a quick no, and he walks away- he isn't ready. THere is no interest yet, so I will wait longer.

Btw, congrats to you for having a boy under 3 that is making progress. It's rare.

im not sure women wait this long or if it just naturally happens, most women start around 2, and it is finalized around 3, most babies are tempermental about potty and eating because its an area they have control over. Even the best of moms have finicky children with these two things.

MY first daughter was ahead in EVERYTHING, and has always been eager to please and ive never really had to punish her, but this was something she was difficult about and i had to bribe her to finally stop using diapers at 3 1/2. My 20 month old is going in the potty as we speak, and this kid tests me with every other thing, lol

I have wondered the same thing. I guess to each their own, but for me we potty trained my son at 27 months and he was done in 3 days. We just potty trained my daughter (this weekend) and she is 23 months old. We started on Friday and today she went all day without an accident. I am a believer in doing it earlier, because I have seen some of the struggles when the kids get older. Maybe I have just been lucky, but for us it was a fun change and not a power struggle like I am afraid it would have been if we had of waited until 3 or 4.

Both my kids got super excited and interested on their own about 22 months. With my daughter she started taking herself in to the potty to poop so we decided to "take the plunge." I agree that you should wait for the kids to show some signs and give clues that they might be ready.

Not all parents wait... My son was 2 1/2 and fully potty trained (day and night). My daughter was only 18 months (day and night).

I agree tho that the child has to be ready.

Good luck.

My triplets decided they were ready at 2 1/2 and the first 2 were done within 2 weeks, with the third done a month later. My little one sometimes goes and I do encourage but I am not going to force her. I am hoping she decides to be done by Christmas, at least for daytime but again, I am not going to force. Every child is different. A neighbor's son was done before he turned 2.

Some do not wait at all, some mothers are doing what they call elimination training that starts at birth. I believe in doing it when the kids shows signs. For my kids that was at 18 months for my oldest and 24 months for my second. They both trained easily in a couple of days. I personally feel that most kids should be more than ready to train by age 3.

GOOD for you and your son. He must have been ready. Many are not.

J

And elsewhere I see the exact opposite. Ohmygosh! Your child is three and not PT'd yet? Insanity. I was fortunate and was able to have my son fully daytime PT'd before he was three-but this wasn't completely my doing, he was just ready. But there are plenty of Mama's out there who aren't so lucky. Some children just aren't ready until they are 3 or 4. I think the pressure needs to stop. Some children are easy and other are incredibly stubborn.

I think it just depends on the child. My oldest wasn't trained until a week after his third birthday. He just wasn't ready before then. We waited until he was ready and willing and trained him in one day and put underwear on him from that day forward. He didn't have many accidents and it went pretty smoothly. My second son basically trained himself just after his second birthday (pretty much a whole year earlier than my first!) I think a big difference is I used cloth diapers with my second son and he could feel when he was wet and didn't like that feeling. Also, another huge difference is that he was seeing big brother using the potty every day and he mimics everything big brother does! Now, my daughter is in cloth diapers and she is 16 months. We have the little potty out in the bathroom next to our toilet and we will see when she is ready.

Great question...I often wonder the same thing myself.

Edit:
According to some of the other responses on here my husband wasn't potty trained until age 12 WOW! According to those moms that was a whole 10 years of potty training, because he continued to wet the bed everynight after he was "day trained". Could you imagine if his mom diapered him until he was in 7th grade because he wasn't ready to night train. I have to say, it is much better to have a child who is "day trained" than it is to have a child who could be day trained but since you didn't feel like putting them in pullups for a WHOLE YEAR at night you continued to diaper daily for another whole year. That just doesn't make any sense to me. A child is potty trained once they go potty by themselves, wipe, wash, flush etc...even if they still wet themselves at night for several years, they are still "potty trained" in my book!

I think it just completely depends on the child. I've never met someone who wants to wait later to help their child potty train! However, if their child seems completely not ready and is fighting it every step of the way, then it becomes a power struggle and you make no progress. I've seen those parents have to wait longer till their kid is ready. Everyone I know can't wait for their kid to be out of diapers! But some children just won't do it till they are a bit older. You just happen to have a son who was ready earlier, which is great!

I see you have a lot of responses but I wanted to add my experience in there too. My son was actually afraid of underwear. When he was 2 I went to the store with him, had him pick them out, read books to him...he seemed ready. Then I put the underwear on him and he screamed his head off, fell on the floor and kicked them off as quickly as possible. Any time I brought them up after that he would say "NOOOO Mama, I love my diapy." I didn't know where to go from there. When he was 3 he saw his older cousin (5) change into underwear after a day at the pool. That was it!! From that day on underwear were cool and he wanted to be in them. Once he had that breakthrough it was SUPER easy. It's been about 6 months and he's only had 4 accidents total and all in the beginning. Now that I have my daughter I'm hoping she sees her brother's underwear and thinks they are way cool way before 3.

My four were all potty trained by 2. (one was almost 2 1/2) I absolutely agree with you. Mothers are waiting too long. I saw a couple of children in kindergarten with a pull up. The teacher had to get on the mothers. Eeeek.

I am glad that you brought this up. I was wondering the same thing too. Maybe mothers are working more now?

My son was trained by 3 yrs of age day & night my 2nd daughter she took longer she is 31/2 but is now on her own my 3rd is 19 months she is interested in the potty but isn't ready to start the journey...
Every child is different the signs may be there but ultimately it is up to the child you can't force a child to pee or poop if you can tell me how LOL....

If you are a mom that takes your kid in the bathroom with you and explain to them about pee and poop they learn faster. Talking to your child a lot makes them smarter and gives them an ability to begin understanding consequences to actions. Like when you are going pee yourself and your son is in the bathroom with you you would say something like this: "mom is going pee in the toilet, do you know why? Because if I pee in my underwear they will feel all wet and sticky and stinky so I pee in here and then we push the handle and my pee goes to the sewer where all pee and poop goes."
As you explain things in detail to kids beginning at about 1, they begin understanding and get natural curiosities and then become verbally inquisitive. This is what you want. The more you talk and explain, the more they learn to understand and rationalize language. I cant imagine waiting until 3 before potty training. Both of mine were completely trained at 2, the youngest peed in the night tho till he was about 4.
Why wait till 3 if you dont have to?
When they show signs that they are interested in the "potty" start putting them on it.

Probably do to inexperience. I didn't potty train my oldest until two week before he turned 3 yrs old. My middle was potty trained at 2 yrs and 2 mo. My little one was 18 mo and she was the quickest and easiest. Also my youngest had the least amount of accidents.

my oldest I started a 2 1/2 and he didnt complete till almost 3 1/2. my youngest is 2 1/2 and I am just now starting him. he seems more ready than his older brother at that age. It varies on how my kids act as to when I train. will he be trained sooner than brother that is still to be determined.

We tried starting earlier but it was nothing BUT trauma and stress.

Once we backed off and followed his lead, it was smooth sailing.

I had a choice - argue/fight/bribe my kid and make it a stressful struggle for everyone OR respect his body and his abilities. For us it was a no-brainer.

Besides, when I made the choice to have kids I also chose the financial commitment which included diapers until he no longer needed them so quite honestly, I really didn't care about him being in diapers so long because for us we expected the expenses.

Wow...I suppose I shouldn't be so 'LAZY' when it comes to potty training my kid. Hmm, perhaps I would be a better mother if I quit my job so I could have been home all hours of the day to train him. Give me a freaking break...

My son self trained himself from being soiled around 8 months old because he didn't like the feeling of poop. Peeing we were about 3 to finally stop. I did use cloth diapers. Daughter would have completed training around 3 and 1/2 but her bladder was still small and had to catch up and grow some before she was trained. She also was in cloth diapers.

It depends on the child and the parent as to how it all goes. As one poster said this is an area the child has some control over and can become a tug of war.

Perhaps many children train later is because of the paper diapers and not cloth. But this is just my opinion as to why.

The other S.

My Mom raised eight boys and me. She said that there is nothing wrong with training a child before they are two years old. Each child is an individual and is ready at a different age. I think it's great that your son is day trained. Night training may take a little longer. My oldest was fully trained before two years of age. My youngest took a little longer on the night training. Pretty panties did the trick for her. Do what you feel is right for you son and forget all the potty training posts.

I am not sure, but it does seem to be the newest "it thing" to do...I think many people are scared of potty training and wait because they think it will be hard?

I am very grateful none of my kids had any issues nor relapses as many moms on here say they have experienced...all 3 of my kids (2 boys and 1 girl) were completely potty trained (night and day) right around 2 years old ( my definition of trained is they go on their own w/ no prompting)...they were all easy and none of them took longer than a week to
totally get it, and be accident free, with no looking back! I did watch for my
kids' cues that they were ready and didn't even attempt trying to start till they were waking up in the a.m. dry, I also didn't use pull ups, just undies
all the time! My boys are now 7 and 5 and have had no issues what so ever...my daughter is not yet 3, but seeing how she trained herself (seriously! We were vacationing in CA and she said I have to go potty then refused to put a diaper back on, she was just done with the diaper! It was all her..I can take no credit for it!) I see no issues in her future either! But it's true all kids are different...I am thankful mine were "self aware" at an early age and I seriously feel lucky, I could not imagine having to be dealing
with potty training for a year, that would suck!

I do have to say that my youngest SS wasn't potty trained till he was 4...but that had less to do with the kid and more to do with the mother being unable/unwilling to put in the effort to get it done!

I am not sure I agree with this latest trend...

During my time of raising my children, mothers made an effort to potty train their babies by age two. That made them ready for day care. A lot of day care centers would not take them unless they were potty-trained, so mothers put more effort into training their children. Unfortunately, the "pull-ups" have made mothers lazy with this job. Pull-ups don't train children, mothers do. The pull-ups gives them a false sense of cleanliness that is not there. For instance, they can wet a pull-up numerous times before they begin to feel uncomfortable. I am always appalled at having to help a three or four-year old get cleaned up after pooping in their pants at this age. Yes, I've had to do it with some of my grands. That's why I know what I'm talking about. I've helped their mothers with this job whenever they visit me. When children can talk and tell you what they want and what they don't want, throw temper tantrums if they don't get what they want, turn the TV on, play the Game Boy, etc., they shouldn't be wearing pull-ups. Listen mothers, if they can do all this, they are able to use the toilet when they need to. Don't allow them to wear pull-ups through out the day. Make them wear regular panties or underwear. Gradually, work on their nighttime performance. Control how much they drink before bedtime. Make them use the bathroom before they go to bed. When you begin to see them remove a dry pull-up in the morning, then away with the pull-ups. I hope there are some mothers this will help.

my daughter was potty trained day AND night by her 2nd birthday. My son was potty trained day time only at 3 years 2 months old. He is still not night time potty trained, but we are working on it

We introduced the potty to my son when he started walking just like my mother did her three children and she was quite successful. My son is 4 years old and still WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. (grrrrrrrrrr) We are working with the Dr. to see if there is a medical issue going on that i adding to the lack of potty training etc, but really holding off is not a choice that most parents make. The only parents I know that purposely held off were pregnant and wanted to wait until the house found a routine again.

And to those of you who were like super sucessful day/week one, the jealous mommy in me wants to kidnap you and have you work your magic on my kiddo, b/c I DO NOT have the $500 for Booty Camp to have them help me train him.

Everyone is dufferent, my son was day/night potty trained a month after he turned 2... no pressure- he was just ready & liked underwear.

As a PS- for practical reasons- waiting until 3 to start will delay acceptance into any type of p/t PreK setting. They must be potty trained for the 3 yr old classes here

You do what you think is best for your child. My opinion- I see no point in running back and forth to the bathroom a million times a day and cleaning up dirty underware just so I can say my child is potty training before 2 years old. With my oldest, I waited until he was more than ready(4) and then just put him in undies and he never had an accident and was night trained a month later. I plan on doing the same with my now 3 year old. When I think he is good and ready, we'll switch to undies and not look back. This works for us.

what are the THINKING? i am with you on this..........

I think people wait because they have it in their heads that potty training is a different sort of developmental milestone. For whatever the reason, we encourage rolling over, walking, talking, etc. but we think we need to wait until our children TELL us they want to use the potty.

Ironically, they do tell us, but we IGNORE them. All kids take off their diapers between 15-24 months. This is the first sign that they are ready to be potty trained. Very few parents pay any attention, and they wait. My 10 month old crawls over to me when he has pooped his diaper. I cloth, and I am hyper about him always being in a clean diaper. Because of this, he tells me when he needs a new diaper. And yes, as soon as I can get off my lazy butt, I plan on putting him on the toilet and showing him where it needs to go. If I didn't have a 2.5 year old (day and night trained at 21 months, btw), I would have done the diaperfree baby thing with this kid.

I blame it on Pampers. Prior to 1060, 90% of all kids were trained by 18 months.

Mine will be 3 in 2 months and still isn't potty trained. We try, but he just isn't interested though he is ready. We would rather not struggle every single day with him over it, and wait until he can do it. When he wants he pees on the toilet, without us even asking... so it will probably happen in a month or so. We did the same thing with my 4 year old and he doesn't have accidents and it wasn't a struggle, waiting till he was totally ready was the best for us.

The moms I know whose children are potty trained by 18 months... it;s more that the child is potty timed, the moms rush the child to the toilet and obsess over it any time they are out, so that there is never an accident. It works for them and that's great, but it wouldn't work for me.

I don't think it is that people are waiting as that it is the child who is bucking it. My son wasn't potty trained until 4 years and a couple of months. I went to every resource possible and one day found a paper for sale for $2 to do this. We picked a weekend and put underwear on him and changed him 10xday the first day then 8Xday for the next and each day at the babysitters he had less and less accidents. Prior to this I warned him. At first he didn't like it. Then it got better. Now, I can't even remember exactly when we started. I will say that he initially liked the potty training IDEA but reality is different. We could not have done it earlier than we did because they say to wait until their pull-up is clean in the morning. I would have loved to have done it earlier but he wwasn't ready. I thought the same as you until I had him.

I think a lot of it has to do with disposable diapers. First of all, cloth diapers are a lot more work for parents. Second, children felt like they were wet when they peed and made the connection earlier.

Updated

I think a lot of it has to do with disposable diapers. First of all, cloth diapers are a lot more work for parents. Second, children felt like they were wet when they peed and made the connection earlier.

I tried with my son at 2 and a few months and he just wasn't ready so I left it alone for a while and he got the hang of it at 3.5 or so. At 4.5 he is still in pull ups at night and they are almost always wet in the morning. I also think disposable diapers don't feel as wet as cloth ones so it takes kids longer to make the connection. My daughter is 22 months and has a potty but hasn't used it yet. I hope she catches on quicker but it is not worth making it a battle

Well it's not really a US thing I don't think...I lived in Mexico for several years and some friends there thought it was so strange that I was trying around 2. I know many kids that just aren't ready before three or so and then I know some who are trained at 18 months, like myself according to my mama;) My son trained perfectly a few weeks after turning three when I stopped worrying over it. I had another baby when he was 2.5 and he just needed to do it at a less intense time. My pediatrician recommended I wait six months or so, and that is right when he was ready to train, guess he knew what he was talking about!! There are so many factors that weigh in as well, if mom works and the child has interaction with other kids going potty, if she is home and pregnant, if there is family sickness, if the child is just very strong willed, if the child is an eager to please sort....just so many factors. I think you said it in your update, children are just different and parental time, patience and stress levels vary as well. So I am with you, whatever works, just get er done by kindergarten!!:D

You have gotten a lot of great responses. I think part of the reason there are so many potty training issues is that there is SO MUCH pressure about pottying! The parents are pressured to have their children trained by a certain age, and the kids are pressured to comply. Nobody likes undue pressure and/or strain, or reacts well to it. Then, if anyone happens to 'fail' at getting their child trained, or being trained by the 'right time', they are harshly judged. My opinion is that people put too much emphasis on going potty, and make it way too big of a deal. All of my children were trained by their third birthday, but I don't feel like I did a whole lot to train them...with the boys, all I did was when they turned two I started asking ALL THE TIME if they had to potty (they had all seen me, dad, gma, gpa, etc, going potty), between 6 and 10 months later, they all eventually said yes, so I took them, they went, I started putting them in jeans (very uncomfortable when wet), they each had less than 5 accidents. With my daughter, all I did was inform her that the 'big girls' she admired went in the potty chair :) It was EASY for me with my kids...I think because I didn't act like I really cared whether they trained or not, and left it up to them for when they were ready. When parents put all this pressure on their kids to train it gives the kids the option of making it a power thing instead of a developmental thing.

Honestly? I think a lot of this has to do with laziness. Now, before everyone jumps down my throat - I wholeheartedly agree that there are children who are neither mentally nor physically ready at 2/3 years old. That said, I think the majority of us make it too easy on our kids & ourselves by allowing them to go so long without potty training. Super-absorbent dipes keep them comfortable while we just don't want to put forth the effort to train them. Let's be honest - it sucks! It's hard to potty train & it's a lot easier to stick them back in dipes & "wait until they're ready" than it is to shampoo puddles of pee out of carpets or wash poop out of tiny underpants! There's a whole market devoted to this laziness alone (pull-ups anyone?)! I had some struggles with my son who trained at 2 1/2, despite having trained his sister the year before. First it was fear of pooping on the toilet so he was pooping in his underpants & then it was bedwetting. We worked through the issues & all the while I kept reminding myself not to give up despite my husband's frustrations. There certainly were times when I wanted to stick him back in dipes, let me tell ya, but I'm glad I didn't!!!