Would You Ever Tell a Stranger to Ask Their Child to Behave in a Theater?

I agree with Adansmama - parents who tend to allow this sort of behavior usually don't respond well to a polite request from another adult.

I might have tried anyway . . . if for no other reason than to make her even a tiny bit as uncomfortable as I was. Maybe that's wrong but I just get tired of people running rough-shod over others.

whether i would, whether it was deserved, and whether it was appropriate for you to say something (YES, YES, AND YEEESSS) has nothing to do with how she'd take it. most parents with unruly children, i find, are pretty closed to the idea of anyone stepping in in ANY way - probably because they KNOW they are not doing what they should as parents, so they are super touchy about it and their immediate reaction is anger. (i find, actually, when ANYone is doing something they know to be wrong - or in this case, not doing something they know they should - stopping their kids from being disruptive little hellions - they IMMEDIATELY jump to scorn and anger if anyone even HINTS at it.)

it's sad but true. i feel 100% confidant that, while something SHOULD have been said, she would probably have just gotten ticked off and either A. taken it out on you, or B. taken it out on the kids, and you don't want that. so unfortunately, unless you were mad enough to take on that backlash, there was probably no reason to really say anything. wouldn't have done any good most likely.

maybe say something to an usher next time?

I'm one of those people that I will correct other people's kids when they are doing stuff like that and be very loud about it so that the parents will hopefully be embarrassed by their own lack of parenting. I have even had a few people cheer in movies when I got onto kids or teens for disrupting the movie.

I most certainly would say something to the parents AND the child. If you can't control your child, I will. You don't like that? Then don't bring them to an event that is too long for their attention span.

Do I do it meanly? Nope. I turn around and smile and say to the child "Hey! I know it's not always fun...can you not see and need me to move my head? If so - just ask. If not - then please stop kicking the back of my seat...THANK YOU!!!"

If the child doesn't stop? And the parent is STILL oblivious???? "I just asked your child about 5 minutes ago to stop kicking the back of my seat. like you, I'd really like to enjoy the show.....please stop."

If that doesn't work? I start getting pissy and then I get the management involved. I didn't just spend $300 on tickets to a ballet to have some snot nosed brat ruin it for me....One time - I asked the parents who were OBLIVIOUS to their child's behavior to please reimburse me for my tickets...they were shocked...I said - I didn't get to enjoy the show - so glad you did. Your kid spent the entire time kicking the back of my seat..I asked YOU and I asked them.....I told them NOT to bring kids to an event that they are not ready for. Management intervened and gave me GREAT seats at the next night's performance.

I absolutely would. I've had little kids kicking my seat before and if it goes on for a while and me turning around and smiling doesn't get the hint across, I absolutely say something.

My daughter is a dancer and if people take flash photography or video, the ushers are there immediately telling them to turn it off or leave. I've never seen anyone take flash photography, but I've seen the video's on the phone.

Sounds like the audience was SO rude!!!

Yes, I would have asked kids to stop kicking. But the bigger offense here was the PARENT handing her camera (or any other device) over to a child! You are entirely right - it is clearly forbidden to take photos in live shows for a host of reasons, from safety to copyright infringement (yes, many dance companies hold copyrights in their sets and costumes and do not want them photographed for that reason too!). Plus it is flat out hugely rude. Even if there is no flash, if you're behind someone with a camera -- or phone -- or Blackberry or I-whatever -- the light from the screen is totally distracting and obnoxious when one is trying to see the stage. I have at least three times told ADULTS in theatres to shut off their phones/devices because the light is extremely distracting and so is the beeping of the device -- even if they have the sound off I can still hear you clicking the keys, folks! In each case they did sheepishly switch off and stop.

In the case you describe I would not have even waited until intermission; I would have turned to the mom and said, "Maybe you didn't hear it but twice they have said that photography is not allowed. Please take your camera and shut it off. " If she got huffy or refused, I would then add, "If you don't I will be obliged to call an usher over here and ask them to deal with you directly. It's been clearly said for us all to hear that photography isn't allowed. Should I call the usher right now or do you want to put that camera away?" And then I would indeed get an usher and tell that person to deal with her immediately.

YES!!! People are so freaking oblivious these days! They think anything even remotely child related can be treated like a McDonalds play yard.

The BEST way to address those type of things is cheerfully and RIGHT AWAY, like 3rd kick to the seat could have been, "Hey, (big smile) Believe it or not, the whole connected row of seats is jolting so can she please not kick?" Then at least if she just literally has never taught her kid how to behave in a theater, on a plane, at a restaurant, whatever, she'll KNOW people are bothered and hopefully LEAVE at intermission if she knows she has no way to stop her child from kicking. Otherwise, people just think "Everyone understands".

As for the flashing cameras, freaking INGRATES! I guess all you can do is shrug because the announcements already made it clear that it was NOT ALLOWED, but even still, if someone was right by me doing it, I'd remind them it wasn't allowed, and my husband?! He would have enjoyed confronting anyone within ten rows of himself.

There is a BIG difference between trying your best to teach your kids how to behave in a theater, and having some difficulty, and NOT EVEN TRYING and setting a bad example yourself by flashing the camera when the announcement said not to. People suck, that's all I know. They seem to righteously think it's IMPOSSIBLE to act any other way than exactly how they see fit, and to those of us not raised that way, and not raising our kids that way, it's depressing.

I totally would and would continue to. I do this in the movie theater, I sure would do it at a performance theater. I never ever allowed my own child (now 17) to act this way in public and I know its very possible. People are over indulgent with their childrens behavior in general these days and it is a major irritant to me overall.

I work with children professionally and have for well over 20 years. I know what can be expected of a child and what they CAN accomplish with manners and behavior.

I also figure, whether at the movies for $10 a ticket plus snacks, or a more eleaborate night out, dinner or wherever I am..I paid the price of admission or for my meal, etc, I deserve to NOT have to deal with other people allowing their children to misbehave. I never subjected others to my child doing it, and we ate out and went out more nights of the week than we were home when she was little.

JMO~

Okay, slightly grumpy answer here but it's an honest one: Your post is the reason that I don't go to movie theatres that allow children when my husband and I are on a date. We aren't at the point of taking our son to the theater because we *know* he can't sit still for the length of a ballet or musical. He's four, pretty well-behaved, but we would never do that to him or to the people around us. If we take him to anything, it's usually outdoor concerts or our friend's bands (which play in pubs), places where it's okay for him to get up, move around, wiggle and talk. That feels more fair to the people who have paid out good money for tickets for an event.

As for asking someone to correct their child, I'd take it on a case-by-case basis. When the parents are obviously 'misbehaving' themselves, they're likely to get beligerent because they already feel they are 'above the rules'. If I see that it's a parent who is just distracted, I might have turned around and just said in a friendly voice "Let's stop kicking the seats now, please" loud enough for the parent and kid to hear.

I agree with you, these are opportunities to learn the better manners required for special occasions. My dad used to tell us what I told my son the other day when he saw the beautiful place-settings of a nice restaurant through the window: "That's a fancy restaurant. One day we can go there, when you are older and have grown-up manners." I think it's fine to wait to take our kids out for special things like the theatre or a fine restaurant until they can appreciate it *and* not be an unpleasant distraction for the other patrons.

Reminding people NOT to take flash photos during the show is the responsibility of ushers who really should have stepped up on that one.

For the record flash photos during such routines can be DANGEROUS to the performers!! You can inadvertently blind them temporarily and cause them to misstep. Please do not take flash photos during live shows.

I would have mentioned that to the usher to remind them of their duty to the dancers. It probably would have helped with the other issues as well.

It's a tough position to be put in. And as said before, the children at fault are not held accountable to begin with so you saying something would more than likely fall on deaf ears.

Yes, I would and actually have. I took my daughter to see a movie and there was a group behind us who kept kicking our seats. Even after there is the message on the screen..."and if you are with children please refrain them from kicking the seats." Well, I politely turned around and asked the little boy to stop kicking. The mom obviously heard me and apologized profusely...she didn't even realize he was doing it.

People need to teach their children how to behave in public. We get complimented all the time on how well behaved our children are in restaurants, etc. EVERYONE has a bad day but I think you could have even went to an Usher and mentioned it and he would have confronted her if you weren't comfortable.

Well, we had a very nice man turn around to US in a restaurant and ask my DD (9) directly to please stop kicking the seat of her booth. It was a shared piece with the table behind her and we did not notice or feel her kicking. If I had noticed, of course, I would have told her myself to stop. Honestly, my DD, DH, and I were all kind of stunned and embarrassed, as this comment caught us off guard. He hadn't done any turn around and glare moves prior to speaking to our DD. We actually didn't say anything. My DD softly said "OK" and stopped. The guy's tone of voice was very polite and so it didn't bother me at all. I thought it was interesting that he spoke directly to my DD, not to us. This was something I didn't even notice, and it was good for my DD to hear it. I don't think she would kick a seat in front of her, but it this case I don't think she realized her kicking, bouncing, squirmming or whatever caused someone else to be uncomfortable behind her. Now if the guy was snotty or rude, I'm sure I would have been irritated. It's all in the tone of the message.

I have said something at a movie theatre before - but it was to my SIL!! LOL. She brought her 10 month old to see a kids movie over Christmas. Anyways, that process made me realize just how oblivious people are - even people who are traditionally very considerate (like my SIL - she is extremely congnizant of others and just had a lapse in perception).
If not family, I may take the chicken route and tell the usher. If they know it was me, fine. It just makes more of an impact coming from one of "authority" and the parent may give pause next time. . .

If a child is doing something like kicking the back of a seat and it's bothering me, I would not hesitate to turn around and (nicely) bring it to the mother's attention. If that didn't stop it, I would talk to an usher. Like you said, a certain amount of child behavior is expected during a matinee performance, but there is no excuse for allowing your child to annoy someone by kicking the seats. That is annoying in the car!!!!! Like you, I think these are good opportunities for children to learn how to behave in different situations and if the mom isn't going to teach the lesson, maybe the kids should get the lesson of what consequences the theater may have for people who don't behave (eviction!)

Absolutely! And on that same issue, I will say something to parents of unruly children in restaurants. I DO NOT understand why a parent would take a child to a theatre, restaurant, or any other establishment when their child cannot or will not behave reasonably.

When we go out, which is probably more often than a lot of people as our children are older and it is usually just the two of us, I am amazed by the insensitivity of parents who bring along their problem children and ruin what could be a very nice evening for adults.

And yes, I do say something to parents. I have even gone so far as to walk up to the table and nicely ask the parents if they have ever heard of www.sittercity.com. which is a website advertising babysitters for hire.

Call me crabby but I work hard for my money and DON'T want to spend it listening to out of control children.

So maybe this makes me a jack*ss, but I have NO PROBLEM correcting other people's kids when the parents aren't doing it.

I would've asked the kids directly to stop it. I guarantee that coming from a total stranger, they would have!

Yes. I correct my own son, and I will ask another parent to do the same.

I doubt I'd have the guts to actually say it (I am very non-confrontational), but I certainly think saying something to her mother, or to the kid herself, is completely justifiable.

Yes I would. When parents don't have the sense or manners to make their children behave in public, it needs to be addressed. If one doesn't want to say something, they should call the attendants or managers. If nothing happens, go to the entrance and demand a refund.

Blessings.....

I'm mortified at some of the answers you received! LOL

I might fantasize about saying something, but, in the end, I would probably go the "tell an usher" route and repeat as necessary. I might cast a few glances. The mom would definitely "get it" if it's done correctly! haha

But to yell at a 3 or 4 year old--no, I probably wouldn't do that.

If something bothers you, you have to speak up. If I were in a theater with my boys and they were kicking empty seats in front of them, I would not realize that it bothers someone 10 seats over. I would think "phew, I'm so glad nobody is in front of us so nobody is bothered by their kicking". My boys are very fidgety, there is always drumming, kicking, humming going on and they don't even realize it most of the time.

Absolutely I'd say something. I don't care if the parents might not be receptive. I'd then welcome the opportunity to get an usher involved and hopefully it'd be enough of an event to teach them some manners. I guess that hope springs eternal that even rude parents can learn something if it's spelled out for them how selfish and rude they are being. And upside is the parent just wasn't aware and it all gets settled easily. I can see a parent not realizing that the kicking would be felt 10 seats away. It does make me wonder why parents take their kids to some of these things... They should know their own kids' attention spans better. And if they're not enjoying, then just leave. What's the point in staying? A 3 or 4 year old isn't going to remember anyway.

OH yes, I most certainly would! Been there, done that and will do it again. I became fed up with rude, ill-mannered people raising rude, ill-mannered children years ago, and I don't hesitate to call them out if they are too inconsiderate to take their kids out of the theater, restaurant, wherever. The way I see it -I paid for tickets too, and I deserve to see the show in the way it was meant to be seen.

A great way to do this, because it usually shames the parent as well, is to first turn around and just give a look if your seat is being kicked, too much talking/whispering/noise is occurring, etc. Make sure mom or dad sees you. If it doesn't stop, turn around with a smile on your face, and in a very quiet voice or whisper tell the kid, "Sweetie, it really bothers me to have you kicking my chair,( rustling wrappers, talking -whatever is going on ) and I want to enjoy the show." That has ALWAYS put an end to it for me. IF the parent becomes a problem at that point -involve the management or ushers. Often (especially with the 6-11 year old crowd) a stern "mom look" from you -no words necessary - will stop any action immediately.

As far as photos -that's one of those things that's really up to the theater to enforce, unfortunately, because it can be disturbing.

I hate that, in any sittuation with seats connected the parents should know since we've all been on the receiving end of those kicks at some point. My daughter loves the movies and had been going since before 2...and she knows to not kick the seat, and if she forgets I promptly remind her everyone it is affecting and the action is stopped. When she was smaller I would always make sure to get those rows with no seats in front so it would allow her to get up and stretch quietly without affecting others.
I'm a chicken, I ussually jut give glances...my 5 year old on the other hand is not. She will sit up and turn around and say Excusssse M., you're kircking my seat can you please stop its hurting M. and my mom. atleast one of us had guts.
It also depends on the theatre. We went once to an alright area but the croud wasn't so classy, someone said something in a kids movie to one of the kids, it was horrible all of the kids were screaming and people had their really little ones out way too late, and one mom got up and cursed out the audience for people saying shhhh to her daughter. Then people started fighting, I grabbed my daughter and left promptly, I do not need to be on the recieving end of anything violence! Thats probably the reason I wouldnt in some circumstancesm fear of violent parents.