Biting and Being Bitten at Daycare

It sounds like you really like you daycare provider so before you jump to an irrational decisions please consider all the pro's and con's of her care. Also try to talk to other parents to see if they are having any problems.

I am a preschool teacher and can tell you a few things:

-Biting is normal and it will happen every single place you go unless your child isn't around anyone his own age
-your child will bite and be bitten- it is a fact and anyone who tells you their child has never bitten anyone will probably also tell you their poop smells like roses...
-make sure your daycare is properly staffed and in ratio, because this may help (you can go online but most infant/toddler rooms are 3 or 5 children per adult). But remember, you do not want a provider who is willing to "shadow" a child because then they are neglecting the other children who are not biting thus rewards the poor behavior.
-Check the daycare's biting policies- most daycares have policies that will say whether or not they send kids home when they bite too much.
-Make sure that are providing proper first aid care- washing throughly with soap and water, ice pack, and if the skin in broken he needs antibiotic cream and a band aid. They should also be writing you a report each time it happens, but should never tell you who did it- that is a severe privacy policy violation and would make you wonder...
-Ask what measures they take to reduce biting because it is usually for 1 of 3 reasons
#1 is teething pains so they should be offering bitting rings or cool cloths. Asking parents to provide teething tablets or Tylenol for pain.
#2 is retaliation over toys or materials: kids bite as a way of showing their anger or frustration during toy "fights". This is because they have no other ways of communication and biting is very affective for them. A daycare should have more that than enough of everything so there is less of likelihood of fighting over specific toys.
#3 retaliation, invasion of personal space, etc. this is the hardest to combat because if can happen any time or place. There are a few things to suggest is to make sure there is the appropriate number of staff, all staff are aware of who is going through a biting phase and keeping an eye on them, separating a child who is biting (I mean at a table with puzzles or something- not a time out) during busy times when biting occurs, like before and after meals or outside times. And children should be shown positive guidance like teaching children that biting hurts (showing them the wound after the fact) and new ways to deal with their frustrations. I have seen children who were bad biters begin to ask for a biting ring- they were simply teething or sick.

If you talk to your daycare provider and ask what she is doing and if she has considered these suggestions you can work as a team to make all the children safe from biting. Also ask her to tell you every time your child bites because in order to stop biting in daycare parents need to be aware and involved.

And in all honesty your son would have bitten at some point anyway- some kids are worse than others, but like I said EVERY CHILD BITES. So please don't blame your child's poor behavior on another child- just deal with the problem as a loving and responsibly parent would do.

The last thing I want to say is don't file a complaint that is unfounded; if another child is biting is may be for a variety of reasons that may not even be the child's, parent's or provider's fault.. How awful would you feel if you met the parents of the biter and found out that they and the provider are doing everything in their power to solve this naturally occurring and common issue.

I hope this helps!

Definitely talk with your daycare provider, I have been on both sides and have a home daycare. My son was one doing the biting for a period of time, however, he never did it while I was in the room and the other kids ( 2 who were being bitten, never said anything) and the bite marks were always hidden. I am sure she wants to do everything she can to stop the biting. No one wants it happening, but it happens to almost every child at some point. I wouldn't leave just because of that unless there are other issues but you certainly don't sound like there are. Be sure to let her know you don't want to leave but you need to know what she is doing to help stop it, how often does it happen, is it only to your child or others as well, is she working with the parents of the biter etc. Sounds like she really needs to be in with the kids all the time and take the biter with her when she leaves the room, that might work and help the other kids feel comfortable.

This is so hard... it is frustrating as a parent of the bitten and of the biter. We've been on both sides of this. Our son was a biter and we also had other biters in care, both when my kids went to daycare and in my own daycare now.

I agree with someone else that said that biting is really common, happens for lots of different reasons and will probably happen anyplace else you go. But it's concerning when you say that your son is coming home "more often with bites on all parts of his body." I would be concerned by the frequency that it's occurring. Whenever I have had kids in care who bite other kids, I kept an extra watchful eye to intercept the biting behavior. It's not always possible to get there every time, but you become attuned to why it happens and when it might happen.
I agree with others that say that if she's the only caregiver, and is unable to prevent at least most of the biting, I'd search for another. From that point of view (for me at least) it really becomes a safety concern for all kinds of other reasons. And being overwhelmed with too many kids doesn't allow you to be in a position to *teach* the basic behavioral lessons that occur with having a group of kids in care. No matter how much you and your son love her and as well meaning and nice as she may be, you may not be getting the care you deserve.

Good luck, C.

How sad and frustrating for you, and probably for the other biter's parents, too. And certainly for your daycare provider.

Sad but true, bitten children do frequently start biting. Your caregiver's best strategy would be to shadow the child(ren) who bite(s) so they can catch, correct, and redirect the biter(s) just before the damage happens, but that needs to be done consistently for at least 2-4 weeks, and it sounds like there are not enough adults available to handle that strategy.

If there is only one caregegiver, then I'd look for another daycare situation, fast. If it's a larger daycare facility, I'd want to sit down with the caregivers and directors and ask them for a plan of action. Are they willing to assign someone to shadow the biters? This is a common situation, but far from ideal, and it sounds like your nice caregiver lady either is overwhelmed by too many kids to keep a close eye on, or just not observant enough about what's going on.

We went through the same situation at our daycare. My LO came home with 2 bites in the same place in one day! She was being bitten by the same girl weekly for at least a month. At first I thought it was a different child each time but once I found out it was the same child, I was more than irritated. My question was - if the teacher knew the other child had an issue with biting why wasn't that child supervised more closely? I talked to the director (she didn't know it was the same child) of the school and she spoke to the teacher involved. The teacher is great with entertaining/playing with the LOs but she just didn't have the nack of supervising. The Director handle this by stressing to her that she need to keep the child within her sight at all times and if she started to even act like she was going to bite, then remove her from the situation e.g. out on the playground, the biter got to be on the swings far more than the other children =) Thankfully that was all it took.

Just to add - the parent's were embarrassed and tried everything. Since I realized that biting is sometimes a phase I knew making a huge issue would be a disservice to everyone involved. Stopping the biter by watching her more closely seemed to be the most obvious answer and again it worked.

file a complaint against the day care, that might make them nip it in the bud, but some day care's have a policy that if you do that, they will dismiss your child from the facility, talk with the director, look at your papers

Wow that's a tough one. Changing daycare providers is never easy. But I am surprised that this is happening often. once or twice... maybe, but often? That just doesn't seem right. Is this the ONLY negative thing about the daycare? If there are other concerns, I would switch, but do very good research to find exactly what you want first.

If you love EVERY SINGLE THING about this provider OTHER than the biting, I suggest scheduling a time with the provider outside of daycare hours (not during pickup/dropoff or when there are kids), sit down with her and tell her that it is unacceptable and if she doesn't find a way to stop it you will have to leave. You could also talk to your pediatrician so you will be armed with facts (not hearsay) about human bites, I think they can be very dangerous to young kids.

I really feel that it is her job to prevent this from happening, no matter what that entails. If she can't watch that many kids at once she should hire a helper or cut down on kids. Really, there is no excuse for multiple bites.

PS because of different situations we switched providers 4 times in 3 years (one provider quit, one provider had liscense pulled because her 17year old son got in trouble w/police unrelated to the daycare, the next one was good, but not GREAT) and then we found her.... our AWESOME provider who we LOVE everything about and have been with for a year now. They ARE out there, you just gotta search and search and interview and interview. Anyways, despite being with other providers, our daughter is a very loving well adjusted kid. If you decide to switch because you know in your gut it will be the right thing for your kid.... he will be ok.

My son was a biter and was bitten a couple of times around that age as well. I don't think it is completely avoidable, but it seems like if he is coming home "often" with "bites on all parts of his body" then the daycare does not have enough coverage to properly supervise the children. Every once in a while, yes, things happen quickly and it is hard to catch everything. As long as you agree with their reaction, then that is fine, but if it is happening frequently and it is not stopping, then some kind of action needs to be taken (whether it is removing your son or if that other child is truly out of control, perhaps he shouldn't be there? I know at my center, they try very hard to teach the children to behave, but if they are not successful, they will ask the parents to remove the child).

I would speak to them, find out what they are doing to eliminate the behavior and if you are comfortable with the plan, give them another chance. If things don't change, I would move my child. Even if he is happy now, eventually he will dread going there knowing that he might be injured! I am sure you can find another quality center.

Have another talk with her. What is she doing besides "trying to make sure it doesn't happen"? Is she punishing the other child? Has she spoken to the other child's parent? How old is the other child?

Tell her that you are comfortable with her as your child's provider and have no desire to make any changes; however, if your son comes home w/ one more mark and that other child is still in her care you will be filing a complaint and removing your son from her care immediately. As a result of being bitten, your son is now biting and it has to stop.