Christmas Scrooge???

I understand the drama! I love the idea about everyone bringing something to donate.

If you want something to cherish....

Why not spend the money and hire a photographer to come in and take as many photos of everyone as possible?

My favorite gift every year are family photos that have been taken professionally (or really great photos in general).

The photographer can take each individual family's photo, one of the siblings with their mom, one of just the cousins...etc., etc., etc.

Just an idea!

this year our family is doing something much less costly, Each adult bring a 20.00 new gift- Each child bring a gift age appropriate- We play the dice game- shake double & pick a gift each time you get doubles until gifts are gone- then open gifts and set timer and shake again & you can take away from someone else- It is fun and in the end everyone should have 1 gift. If not one person can give up 1 gift to share with someone who did not obtain one in the game- either way everyone get a gift & we have lots of food- Potluck style- Don't forget the desserts. Stress the reason for the season. It's not how much you get but the thought behind the gift. Ps the kids have their own dice game too!

Wow, I had this problem too but you by far have more people than me. I just told my husband that we are not giving to any child over the age of 12. If they don't like it they don't have to give our kids anything (even though my husband has been giving them gifts for many years) we are the last to have kids. I don't care if anyone gives my kids anything because I rather provide for them then get from others books/toys (OR A BATHTOWEL!!! who gives a two year old a bathtowel for christmas!!!)---that they don't like or already have. Since this is mostly coming from my husbands side, I made up step up to bat and tell everyone no gifts after 12 and no gifts for adults (except for his mother). I told him to tell everyone money is tight and thats that. It was hard for him to do but I let him even blame it on me "my wife isn't working so things are tight"- he also said that they don't have to give to our kids if money was tight for them. It worked.

I have an idea that may help - but you will have to do the legwork and it may not pay off...

You will need to make yourself a list of cities just off the beaten path between the areas you are looking for. What you are looking for is a resort/hotel that doesn't fill for the Christmas holiday. Once you have a list - call each one and ask to speak with a manager. Tell them briefly about your situation - including how many rooms would be rented - and ask them if they have a meeting room you could use later in the evening to gather for family time and ask whether or not it is decorated for the holiday season (and if that includes a tree). If it doesn't ask if they would mind putting one up for you (many of these places have extra decorations from previous years they could use). Also, be sure to explain that you personally would clean up the room after your family event is done.
I come from a tourist town where summer is our high season. In winter - the hotels have a hard time filling. I used to manage a resort and we had a family (split from New Jersey, Florida, and Seattle) that would come in - use the extra room for their Christmas gathering - clean afterwards and we didn't charge them as they filled 5 of our suites. (Plus they got our off season prices) and every year we got their business and the referrals all year long to their friends. It was definitely a win-win for all parties involved! Make the calls - tell the manager(s) you will get back to them. Once you have the locations and prices talk to your husband. If he supports the idea and he is responsible for communicating to his family - it may turn the tide. Good Luck!

We have a large extended family. My father is oldest and my youngest aunt is only 7 years older than me. I have 14 first cousins, most married with families. We have decided to get together for Thanksmas. Last year, instead of drawing names and buying the $10-20 gifts that would not impress teenagers, we decided to spend the same $10-20 and buy for the less fortunate. I had contacts with the Lutheran Services in my county, so we gave the items to them to distribute.
After the meal, we went to the garage and set out the items purchased. We tagged everything with gender and age (taken from the packaging). We also wrapped shoe boxes (lids separate from bottom) and filled with toiletries or like items. We tried to have a wide range of things from adults to infants. My family's response was overwelming! This year, we unfortunately know 2 families that have had hardships this year and we are shopping for them.

I wanted to do this to show my young kids (6 &4) what I think Christmas is supposed to be like! Good Luck!

I don't think you are being a Scrooge, in this economy it is difficult to make ends meet.
I have one suggestion for you though. Shop the clearance sales all year long. I worked at Penney's for 3.5 yrs and always had wonderful gifts for my family members. I would look over the clothes and watch them, knowing they would go in clearance soon. Then I watched the clearance racks When stuff started hitting the $5 mark I started buying, I also got my 20% discount. Depending upon what my kids and grandkids needed I was able to get bedding, towels, clothes, decorations etc all on clearance and really inexpensive. I could give my granddaughters huge bags of clothes for $20 for Christmas or their birthdays. I gave my daughter a huge bag of clothes for her son at the baby shower, all sizes. I filled a big plastic bin for my daughter for her wedding shower, she got towels and sheets and dishes and all kinds of stuff including a pretty nightie and robe set. I shopped for 1.5-2 years, hid all the stuff in a closet in my upstairs, she couldn't figure out why she couldn't go in that closet for so long. My point is that if you have a large group to buy for start shopping as soon as stuff clearances out. I know Penney's will clearance out the winter stuff starting right after Thanksgiving, when the swimwear starts to come in. When you buy ahead for kids buy one to two sizes bigger than they are wearing now.
I hope this helps.

What do you WANT to do? What does your husband want to do? Start there, and come to an agreement for the two of you, and then announce it to everyone else. Yes, there will be some rumbles. Continue to assure your extended family that you love them. Over the years I've begun to do less and less at Christmas, and I enjoy it a lot more. I give gifts spontaneously throughout the year when I come across something that I know would be perfect for that person, and do little or no shopping at Christmas. Malls are not fun from now until the end of December. Good luck! Families rarely take it as good news when their members start becoming mature, independent individuals.

We have 50-60 in the family gathering on alternate years and we (gasp) gamble! Actually it is the dice game roll a 7 or 11 and get a prize double is an extra turn. Everyone brings gifts under $15 and some are gag gifts T.P. etc. We set a time limit and have several sets of dice going. Prizes are wrapped in age/gender if needed paper. This is fun and after the kids will make a deal. Grandma usually will be a sport. We also act out the Christmas story.

I just read the other posts and I really like the scrapbooking idea!

In our family in the past, we have given each other 1 used book [which can be traded]. I don't see why this can't work for the kids, too?

We have also done a $15 gift card swap [which can be traded]. There are 7 adults that get together for Christmas in our family. All seven of us bring one WRAPPED gift card, we pull them out of a hat, open them, trade if we want to, and of course all seven of us leave with one gift card. It's cool because we try to vary the places the gift cards come from. Someone usually brings a Target card, but sometimes there are gas station gift cards, Starbucks, Best Buy, a shoe store, restaurant, movie theater, a mall gift card, Bruegger's Bagels, a Visa gift card that can be used anywhere, etc.

If each family member brings a gift card, and each member goes home with one, everyone's happy-even the kids. Say you do $20 gift cards...you'll spend $80 [you, your husband, and two kids]. $25 gift cards would cost you $100 for the 4 members of your family. Or, you can do it just for the kids of each family. The great thing about this, too, is that it doesn't take very long to unwrap 1 gift card per person [what, 10 seconds?]. Probably 10 minutes at most for everyone to unwrap, see if they want to trade, and clean up. So you can actually spend time visiting and enjoying the time with your family instead of 6 hours of opening presents [which is insane!].

Also, my aunt gives an ornament each year. She buys one ornament for each family, and writes the names of each member on them and the year. She started doing it 6 years ago, so we have 6 ornaments. I look forward to getting one each year because they are always different and special.

Holidays are supposed to be about the company you share, not gifts or how much is spent on them! The holidays are not supposed to suck the spirit out of anyone!

After my MIL passed away (she held all holidays at her house), we started rotating three holidays among four SILs. It worked for the first year, then went in the toilet. I assigned myself Thanksgiving and now have that every year. We enjoy the people who come and don't worry about the ones that don't. My three SILs hold the other two holidays.

For Christmas, we buy gifts for the nephews (no nieces). No limit on the amount; basically whatever you can afford.

For the adults we play a dice game. If you want to participate, you bring a $10 gift. (Couples bring two; singles one.) We usually have a theme (white elephant, games, tree ornaments, whatever). It works very well. It can be quite humorous!

Last year for Easter, we went to our cabin (just the four of us). My SILs had been fighting over who should hold Easter (no one wanted to). My husband and I didn't want to go to anyone's house if the host was resentful.

Bottom line, holidays are about the company you share, not the gifts and the money!

I know gift cards are somewhat impersonal, BUT, a 13 year old boy could get an AMC movie card, or one to Dick's sporting goods, or GameStop- whatever your son is interested in- suggest a gift card to that place. OR what I have had to do this year, since my son has been diagnosed ADD, and he gets gifts from WAY too many people, plus has a birthday on SAturday as well, I have asked everyone to not send toys or random "stuff", I have to box it up and get rid of most of it to keep the clutter in control. G-ma is buying savings bonds, I think you can get a 25.00 one for 12.50 still. And that would be within the budget- and in 10 years-or when ever- they can use that towards the purchase of a car, or college or whatever. Just a couple of ideas, as for the travel, you may just have to suck it up and do it. Don't worry about the others who might have to make the 9 hour drive. I used to have to drive 12 hours to have holidays with my family- who wouldn't travel to me. It's just one of those things. And you know- there is nothing you can do to keep everyone happy- Maybe suggest enjoying the day for what it is- the birth of our LORD and opt away from the commercialism all together.

Hi Melissa
Welcome to my world about 10 years ago. The dynamics of family- especially larger ones with strong personalities can present challenges.
I'll tell you after years of tweaking this, this is what we decided:
Thanksgiving each family would pretty much be on their own. If we want to switch it up one year-- ok to do Christmas yet that hasn't happened as there are 15 little cousins who love to get together.
With 6 adult siblings, parents, extended family, inlaws, and 15 kids in an extravagant family-- I felt like we were the poster family for the NOT starving children with the absurdity of it all -- our gifts piled higher than the trees and hrs to open-- certainly not what my spirit feels holidays are about.
We have cousins draw names. We set a gift limit at $50. If you buy gift cards and cop out-- you have to spend $100 worth as there are promos for those. With sales and all, most kids are thrilled with a very nice gift of their choice and feel closer to one of their cousins for the year. Works out well.
The adults and extended family over 18yo-- we have a white elephant gift exchange. We actually play the dice game , open gifts, play the dice game again for exchanges and steals. Again the limit is $50 and you have to dbl that for gift cards. It's actually really fun. Some years we do girls to girls and boys with boys, some years we do unisex with all, some we do opposites. NO one has to participate and only those who buy gifts can play the game. I have to say after years of tweaking, the only discussion comes on how to run the dice game-- we still can't agree all the time on what gets a gift and how long to exchange as it depends on the number involved.

Anyway-- good luck. Have fun experimenting. All of us are under much less stress and still in want for nothing!!

About me: 49 yo perfusionist, wellness coach also doing a nationwide online biggest loser webinar for $$, wife, mom to 8 yo twin girls.

B. J

I know what you mean. I love Christmas, more than anything -- but I hated the traveling. We'd be driving more than 6 hours on Christmas Eve, then 2 more on Christmas Day -- just to make everyone happy. One year, I just stopped. I stayed home, made paper stars with my children to hang on our tiny little tree, ate spaghetti for supper, opened presents, went to see a movie -- and had one of the most memorable, peaceful Christmases EVER and was able to start creating my own traditions with my children and husband. I don't have any problems traveling, but now I only do it every other year or visit them on summer vacation. Take a year off, blame it on the economy. We only have $1000 to spend this year on Christmas. We're going to spend it on OUR children... not gas, or fast food for the trip, or hotels, etc.

I know a touch of what you are going though - my family is ultra-minimal and my in-laws are over the top. Not as much as what you describe, though! :-) So at any rate know that people feel for you, you are not alone.

I think all the suggestions of alternate ways to go about things are great. I'm glad some of your clan were willing to go along with it. With as many people involved as you describe, I'm sure it would be hard to agree on anything!

At the end of the day, I think the best you can do is focus on the real blessing of the holiday - time with loved ones - and do what makes you feel best doing. If it means just opting out of the gift-giving, going on a family vacation to avoid attending Christmas, putting your own spending limits on Xmas, allowing your family to participate but having your kids give extra gifts to charity later, etc, etc, just do what makes you feel most comfortable.

I agree that "good" gifts rarely can be gotten for $10-15. I guess ideas there would be shopping for second-hand items, sale items, hand-made items, hand-made by you items, or just letting creativity make the gift more special. (For example, handmade cook books of your favorite recipes for the girls of a certain age - not too expensive. Or a gift certificate for all the kids of a family of multiple kids to go do an activity like Paint-Your-Plate where each kid's plate is $5. Or whatever.) Or could you join with some other family member who lives near you and pool your money, giving a $20-30 gift from both families.

I know you've been through a lot just getting the family to change this much, and I'm sure your patience is wearing thin after 14 years of this! I truly hope you can get the support you need from your husband to enjoy the holiday season *despite* all the gift giving.

Let people know that the recent changes in the economy have not necessarily affected your budget, but have affected your thinking... your family wants to focus on non-material things. Reset your consumer button. Then do NOT BUDGE. Once you have stated how it is for your family (immediate) the rest will have to lump it. They need to respect the values you are teaching your children.

Make rules. NO gifts for grown ups (except from spouse to spouse or child to parent) - but nothing for grown up siblings etc.. once you hit 20, you are DONE. NO gifts for kids from Santa that are purchased from grown ups other than parents (I had a mother in law try to add to the santa loot and I had to put my foot down). Then do a DRAW for the cousins. Put all kids names from 0-18 that are cousins, in a hat and one person (you?) draws a name for each kid. Then each kid gets a gift from one cousin so they are all still connected and sharing but now your family is only buying 2 cousin gifts, not 20.. and your budget can be higher. The draw can have a rule of one gift for one kid between 15-40 dollars... then no one gets a cheap crappy gift and no one is strapped in buying 20 gifts that are QUCKLY forgotten and hidden in the closet (what a waste and a terrible lesson to teach the kids). You can also start giving donation/charity gifts instead. One year I sent out cards to all my friends/co-workers/family (cheap cards) and said that "in the spirit of true Christmas giving, we will no longer be buying gifts or expensive cards for friends and instead will be increasing our donations to the food bank and toys for tots." Everyone loves this idea and started doing the same thing. Saved money, hassle and set a good example AND encouraged others to donate too... hope this helps. Mostly, just decide, put your foot down and tell your hubby to get on board... the is no "you know how my family is.." YOU and the KIDS are his family to worry about and please, no one else.. ever Mom.. :O)

When I was a kid we would have large get togethers with all the aunts and uncles, taking turns who's house we would have dinner at.. christmas eve was always first at one grandmother then over to the others. When I was 13 we moved about 3 hours away and my dad wouldn't go back there for the Christmas celebrations. Now we are spread around the state and have a niece in Minneapolis who we don't get to see often. Christmas is for family, it is the magic of seeing each other, gifts are only a small part of it. Whether it is in a garage or a motel banquet hall, it is the family members getting together that makes it special. Some day there won't be those get togethers as kids grow older and have to go to different homes each year so enjoy them while you can. As far as gifts, tell them you have x amount to spend and things will be scaled back to keep you from being stressed the rest of the year. It is going to be small for us this year also. 13 year old boys like t shirts with funny sayings, hats, video games which some are only around $20 to $40.. New DVD's are coming out all the time.. gift cards will let them enjoy a day out shopping on their own.

Most of all Don't stress about it, roll with the punches and enjoy the family... all too soon things can change and you won't have that.

Several years ago my family of 5 siblings decided that gift giving was not as fun when because of distance we couldn't get together to enjoy the opening so we decided on a different tack. Each family is know responsible for sending "at least" 4 12x12 scrapbook pages filled with that families activities for the past year. Then on Christmas we call each other when we open the pages and we share our year with each other. After the sharing (all the kids enjoy seeing and making the pages too) we slide them into a photo album and enjoy looking back on them for years.

Each family does it differently, most electronic scrapbook (and even the electronically challenged can do this), I'm the only one who still does it the old fashioned way although this year even I am only creating one original and then making copies for the others. We also create our pages differently. My sister does four seasons, my three daughters are all adults so each of us does one page, another brother does a sports page, then a school page and a vacation page and then a page of family pictures and the themes change yearly. The options are many and it's really allowed us to bridge the thousands of miles between us. Good luck!

My side of the family is approaching the 25+ marker with engagements and new children, so I know where you're coming from. Each year is always at my mother's (Thanksgiving is one aunt, Easter is the other). Everyone pitches in by bringing a dish, and we do a gift exchange between the adults (beginning at age 16). I've asked repeatedly that my aunts and uncles not buy gifts for the children (especially this year due to finances) but no one ever listens. My husband and I decided to do the following this year to cut back on costs but still give heart-felt gifts:

Grandparents: All grandparents get home-made glass ornaments with the kids' pictures inside and the kids will decorate them (got a pack of 20 ornaments for $4 at Hobby Lobby).

Great-Grandparents: Framed photo of the kids, frame and matting decorated by the children (frames and matting came to less than $10 for two frames/mats at Wal-Mart).

My/his siblings: We have a Netflix subscription, so we're burning copies of movies for my brother and sister in law; my sister and her fiance are still in college, so we're giving them $15 gift cards to their campus book store. My little brother is 17 and LOVES video games, so we always get him gift certificates to his favorite game store where he can rent his games. ($15 is about 4 rentals for him)

Other people who are close to our family are getting gift baskets of homemade bread, banana bread and an array of cookies (I kinda go overboard at Christmas time with the baking, so it helps me keep from eating them all, too. Hehe)

Now, my mother-in-law and her family are a totally different story. She goes WAY over the top (last year spending about $4000 on Christmas) and is now screaming at everyone for wanting to do a gift exchange instead of buying gifts for EVERYONE. (we have a large family on that side too) Sadly, it has come down to us not being with her for Christmas because I am no longer welcome because I voiced the opinion that we should cut back. *shrug*

I hope you and your family are able to find a resolution so it doesn't end up the way mine did. Just remind your family that the purpose of the season is to share your love and joy as a family, not about the monetary gifts. Have a happy and blessed Christmas!!

In my very large family we draw names. At our Thanksgiving get together we put all the names in a hat and drew out a name for each member of our family (I would draw 7 because I have 5 kids). If we drew one of our children or spouse we would put it back and redraw. We put a $10 limit on it which was great, most of the family would get creative and make stuff, those who weren't creative would buy a gift card, T shirt, DVD or other great clearance item. Since there were so many of us there were plenty of presents to make it fun. We also make the meal a pot luck to take the pressure off of the host. She would usually make the ham or turkey and potatoes and leave the sides and desserts up to us.
Just an idea, hope it helps.

The good thing is, is that it sounds like everyone gets along. I don't know what everyone else posted, but you can look at it one of two ways. A hassle, or your kids will have great memories down the road to look back on. Sounds like a lot of fun. You are blessed. A lot of people don't have that.

And who cares if the gifts are 13 or 14 dollars. It's the spirit that counts. The kids will get over it. I'm sure the big gifts will come from their parents. Just take it in stride. There are people who are alone during the holidays and wish they could be in your shoes : ) Have a super fun holiday!!!!

I think most large families go through this and with the economy, it should be a given that everyone cut back. My family doesn't exchange gifts, except for the kids. Only the grandparents buy gifts for their grandchildren and parents only buy gifts for their kids. No niece/nephew exchanges. We mainly get together to, well, get together. Last year we met at a restaurant.

We have had to cut back dramatically as family sizes and living expenses grow. I have 3 siblings and my husband has 5, plus we buy for our parents and his aunts and grandma who live close to us, not to mention our own 3 kids. We USED to buy presents for every individual.

Here's what we do now:

*OUR KIDS get one main gift, some books, and stocking stuffers. This year, our 7-year-old gets a $50 MP3 player, our 3-year-old will get some fun hand-made pillowcases and a matching blanket made from the leftove fabric, and our baby will get a new-to-us toy or 2 (we already have so many) that I will probably get at a thrift store. I'm also making each boy a simple matching blanket.

*MY HUSBAND AND I buy movies and CDs we've had our eyes on over the year. We have spent so much this year already that we have decided to just enjoy our kids.

*HIS MARRIED SISTERS and their families each get a family game. Last year, we bought one family a zoo membership. We bought the other 2 families Science Museum memberships that they never used. I'm mad. What a waste. They get a $10 game from now on. I'm contemplating suggesting that we draw a single family to give to because the family is just so big!

*ONE OF HIS SINGLE SISTERS AND AUNTS are getting handmade cards that I've been putting together over the last several months with the help of a very talented friend.

*HIS OTHER SINGLE SISTER is getting a necklace.

*HIS PARENTS: I spent a little over $30 on new bread pans (my MIL is an amazing baker but needs new pans) and a game I know they want.

*MY PARENTS:Dad will get a CD from his favorite band and Mom will get some handmade cards. They'll get a Shutterfly photo book if I can get one done.

*MY MARRIED SISTERS are each getting a game and an inexpensive toy for their babies.

*MY BROTHER is on a mission, so he'll get homemade cookies and a gift card for something practical. =)

All in all, we're spending MAYBE $600 on gifts for 41 people.

After spending WAY too many hours in the car traveling to and from family, we decided to stay home for Christmas Eve and Christmas and just spend time with our kids. We'll get together with his family once and my parents once (my siblings are all spread out and can't afford to travel).
We have an open invitation to anyone who wants to join us, but we're staying put and enjoying our Christmas. My suggestion to you is to do the same. Forget buying individual gifts and have the families draw another family to buy a gift for that they can enjoy together.
Christmas should be about giving and enjoying your loved ones. If you are miserable, it's time to make some serious changes and get back to the true Spirit of Christmas.

Melissa, you are amazing! You're doing great to keep track of everyone!

We give my nephews (13 & 16) t-shirts every year. If we travel, we pick up a shirt from wherever we've been. If we don't, they get one from our area. We've been doing this for years, and they look forward to seeing what we do. When my husband's brother was a teen, we'd give him tickets to something he was interested in -- a play, a concert, a sporting event. Or, we'd pay for a lesson for something. (A snow ski lesson, a water-ski lesson...something he'd like).

Yeah...my husband's family spends more than I want to on gifts, too, and they're not terribly appreciated. I've had to come to terms that what I give them IS generous. If they don't like or appreciate it, it's their problem, not mine. It's a hard thing to do, but it's the only way I can stay sane. This has been very helpful since my husband is on the same page as I am with this.

Good luck! I don't think you're Scrooge...you're the best of Christmas presents!

You are truly blessed. My husband and I struggled each year Christmas Day. My side of the family gathered (from everywhere) about 1 hour from our home - all exchanging gifts (even cousins). His family also gathered Christmas Day about 45 minutes the opposite direction. The only family this affected was ours - so no changing dates. We decided that it was important to be with each family so, each Christmas morning we rushed through our own gift exchange - off to his family - leave right after lunch - drive down to mine - have dinner and rejoiced each year when it was over.

My mother in law passed away 2 years ago - his family no longer "gathers" - and I miss the madness. I have Aunts and Uncles that have passed and cousins that don't make the trip. I didn't realize how blessed we were to have our families for the holidays. How that the Christmas spirit was always there, I just focused on the "stuff" that I found frustrating instead of embrasing the magical holiday moments (small children, family gathering, even the spending) We too overspent our budget and complained about all the gift giving, about the drive, about the cost and lost spirit. I realize now that is just a "part" of our Holidays and to embrace it.

As for cost - We make a list of everyone that we need or want to purchase a gift for - then we Shop the Black Friday Ads - YES we are one of those crazy ones who get up at the crack of dawn and shop the madness - but we get great deals and save tons - No one else needs to know that we purchased the $20 gift for $10. We watch for deals, discounts, coupons and have even made hand made gifts. There are alot of other great ideas I have seen posted as well - dice games, gift boxes, etc.

I am also a consultant for a new Unique jewelry company. If you have a cousin, neice, aunt that you are looking for - I would be happy to offer 25% Off any item(s). Just let me know that I made you the offer. If this is something that you think might help you during this holiday season, you can check out the full catalog at my website: www.snowflakegems.com

I wish you the best and merriest of Holiday seasons.
C.