I know you guys must be tired of seeing another potty-related question, but I’m starting to get desperate. My son turned 3 in March and since then has learned to pee and poop in the toilet. The problem is, he will still go in ANYTHING he wears – diaper/pull-up/underpants, even just pants or shorts - anything that covers him up. When we let him go commando at home, he will run to the toilet on his own to do his business. Luckily, he won’t go on the floor, but I still don’t know how I can get him to wear something AND use the potty. He absolutely doesn’t mind being wet and is content just playing and sitting in his wet briefs and pants for the rest of the day if I allow him to (ugh).
His pediatrician told me to allow another year for potty training (he just had a baby brother who is now 5 months old) and went as far as telling me that as long as baby #2 is in diapers, he might not be fully potty trained. YIKES. There has to be some other way to potty train him fully before he is 5, right? It’s driving me crazy (not to mention that I get so disgusted when he poops in his pull-ups or diapers). I fear that with the rate we are going (we haven’t even began with night potty training – baby steps), he will be in diapers in college.
A little more about this: we tried putting him straight into underpants from diapers but because we had to throw a few away already (after he pooped and peed in them, making a huge, horrible mess in our living room), he is now in pull-ups (which I think are just expensive diapers). The only thing that worked to get him to sit on the potty to do anything was to bribe him with m&ms. But now he’s not interested in them anymore, and even after I’ve told him 1,000 times that pee and poop go in the toilet, or encouraging him to be a “big boy” and use the potty like mommy and daddy, or after reading potty book after potty book (you get the idea), he’ll still go in his pull-ups/underpants.
I’m running out of ideas. It’s not like he doesn’t have control yet or know how to use the potty (he even enjoys putting down the toilet seat cover and flushing), so I think he’s just being stubborn and “asserting himself” by going in whatever he’s wearing.
What to do, what to do? Thanks for your tips and advice!
Just wanted to thank everyone for taking time to respond. I guess I will try to relax about this and just wait a bit more. Thanks again!
It sounds like you need to back off & take a break. He'll do what he needs to do when he's ready. It's not the end of the world if he potty trains late. I forced potty training way too much & it took 4 times as long as a result. And forget about the night time potty training, that developed VERY slowly. He won't be pooping in his pants in 2 years, I guarantee it.
I think you might do well to just drop it. Keep using the Pull Ups (which are expensive diapers, but when hr "gets" it, he can pull them down - then back up) I wouldn't go back to diapers though.
He's just not "that into it" yet so you are, in a way beating a dead horse. When he's ready, it'll click & he'll get it. I promise. He won't wear a Pull Up to the prom--it just feels that way. You might be in a bit of a power struggle, so I say try backing off completely for a month or so. When he "gets" it, it will be a pretty quick process.
I know you're probably tired of hearing this, but your ped is right, he'll do it when he's good and ready, and not a second before.
If it makes you feel any better, BOTH my boys were near their 4th birthday before they were consistently 'trained'.
Really I wish I had just relaxed and let them lead me, rather than forcing in. Would've saved me a LOT of angst.
I am using that same philosophy now with driving (they're 16 and 18 now), not forcing the issue. You think potty training sucks, wait til you teach them to drive YOUR car! I am not very good at either one.
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I haven't read your other responses but im sooo against pull ups. They are confusing to them. They feel like a diaper but your not supposed to" go" in them? He may not be ready. My daughter was just trained in dec and she turned 4 in march. Its been a while with my son but I know he was close to 5 before the accidents stopped. No more pull ups, diapers just underwear. If you think he's not ready for that go back to the diapers for a while and try again!
I feel for you, I'm preparing to start training my 25 month old, have done this twice before, but have still been researching techniques. You may have a time frame in mind for your son to be trained, but unfortunately, it really doesn't work that way, and you're stressing yourself out needlessly. The less pressure on him the more he may want to cooperate and please you, too. I promise, he won't be in diapers in college ; )
I'm guessing your son may be rebelling BECAUSE of the 5 month old, which is common. He sees you change his baby brother's diapers and may think, "Hey, I want Mommy to change me!" Some fully trained children regress when a new baby comes along to the point where all their training flies out the window and they're back to being diapered. Your pediatrician called it, he may not be trained for awhile. I read that trying to encourage a child to use the potty like a "big" boy or girl can backfire because this might be exactly what they don't want to hear if they have a new sibling and want the same attention.
He may be being stubborn and asserting himself, but If he doesn't mind sitting in wet pants, he's not staying dry at least a couple of hours in his diapers, pull-ups, or underwear, and telling you when he needs to pee or poop and then doing it in the potty, he's not ready to train. (The best advise I've come across is to pick a weekend, put your child in underwear, and if he or she has a couple of accidents over the weekend and feels bad about it they're ready. If they have several accidents and could care less they're not ready for potty training yet, so pack up the underwear for a few months.) They're really not controlling their peeing and pooping until they're acknowledging it has to be done and doing it in the potty or toilet. And, going commando isn't realistic because he can't go out of the house that way, and it doesn't help him learn not to poop and pee when he's got underwear on.
He's a smart little guy, so I'd tell him since he's acting like a baby he's going back to diapers, like his baby brother. Tell him that when he tells you he needs to go and then uses the potty each time (I'd give it at least 4 or 5 days of him doing this regularly) you will put him in underwear. Be prepared to be consistent and go back to diapers if he "asserts himself" and pees or poops in the underwear. (They can be so strong-willed!) Let him know he won't be in underwear until he's staying dry and not pooping in diapers. Pull-ups are nice because they have the tab so you can check and see if they've gone and re-fasten, but I agree that they are basically expensive diapers, and one of my goals in potty training is to save money! Also, it seems that children feel they can go in them like a diaper and do :-/
Use the things he wants to do to your advantage. If he wants to go to preschool let him know he can't go until he is going potty in the bathroom every time. If he has friends his age that are training and more into it than him or fully trained have him spend enough time with them that he hears they're saying when they need to go and going in the bathroom and not in their pants. He may decide he wants to be like them. Also let him see that Daddy uses the toilet, and have him sit on the potty then, too. (I just read that children learn to go potty best by example from the same-sex parent.) Have him sit on the potty after meals and before naps or bedtime to get into the habit.
Bribes can be tricky as you've found out! Why not try a reward after he does his thing in the potty to reinforce the behavior? Stickers on a chart or one to put on his shirt are fun.
Make time for just him and you. Watch a movie while the baby naps, read a book, or make a snack together. Make it something he can do and the baby can't and point this out to him. Maybe he'd like to help you with the baby by handing you a diaper, or a toy, or getting the baby to smile, and you could tell him what a good brother he is. Keep him close by with a quiet toy or book when you feed the baby. He'll feel special for who he is and might stop refusing to train.
Hang in there, one day, for whatever reason, it will just click and he'll want to use the bathroom rather than going on himself : )
Does he stay dry at night? This is a good sign that he is ready. If so, take him to the toilet once an hour and sit until he goes. Sometimes you need to be creative with his potty chair. Sometimes boys are just harder!! Maybe you can get him a chair that has cup holders so he can drink and relax and go to the bathroom.
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Does he stay dry at night? This is a good sign that he is ready. If so, take him to the toilet once an hour and sit until he goes. Sometimes you need to be creative with his potty chair. Sometimes boys are just harder!! Maybe you can get him a chair that has cup holders so he can drink and relax and go to the bathroom.
Our older daughter was over 4 til she trained. It was horrible. The only thing that worked for her was seeing a family member her age going potty. That was it. Instant training from that second on. Now, with the twins--it got sooo bad with them that I broke down and made THEM clean up their messes. 2 days of doing that and they were instantly trained as well.
I agree with those that say he'll do it when he's ready- back off for a while.
Seriously, you're just going to be frustrated all the time otherwise.
When you wait for them to be ready, they get it pretty quickly, and it's easier on everyone.
Hang in there!! :o)
I don't know how helpful this will be for you but my son was potty trained by the pre-school I sent him to. Here in South Africa most pre-schools have a "potty training" class. They use "peer pressure" to a certain extent in that all the kids in the class get to sit on potties next to each other and get positive re-inforcement every time they use the potty. During the day (in pre-school) all the kids only wore "regular" underwear and if an "accident" happened, the teacher would rinse the clothes and send them back home in a bag to be washed. I continued to put a nappy on him at night until one night he told me he did not want to wear a nappy anymore because "only babies wear nappies" - I replied that we could try it that one night, but if he messed the bed I'd put him back into nappies because I had no intention of cleaning wet or dirty sheets. He never had a single accident. I give full credit for the successful (and totally painless) potty-training of my kids to the pre-school they attended and to the fact that I waited for them to tell me when they were ready to stop wearing nappies at home. Neither one of my kids ever ran around "commando". Good luck! :)
Reward him for every day he doesn't go in his pants... a small toy or stickers or popsicle... even just a chart with a smilely face for each day he goes w/o going in his pants he gets something... incentives.
You can end it with a big surprise if he goes for one or two weeks straight with no accidents... even have a family party! :)
We had a similar issue with our daughter. It did take some time, but we were extremely liberal with praise for anything good she did (including good tries). I also sounded like a broken record player for much of that time, "Let's get your panties on. Don't pee in your panties." (That was a step up from, "Don't pee on Mama's couch/the floor.") When she did have accidents, we did not make a big deal about them... although I might have wanted to impress upon her how gross and upsetting it was *shudder*. Once or twice I talked to her baby sister (about one month old when we started) about how things were going, "Fynnie, Madelyn didn't have a good try this time. I think she can have a good try next time, don't you? You do?! Yes, she'll probably have a good try next time." That sounds silly, but Mad really wants to be a good big sister, and part of that includes impressing Fynnie.
I think if you operate from the stance that he's being stubborn, you'll be more likely to feel frustrated. If you look at it like *training*... as in the act of teaching him something he needs to learn... you'll come from more of a helping place than "why isn't he getting this?!?"
I think the problrm today is, parents are waiting to long to start. You ped said waith another year Really are you kidding me? I raised my children in the 80's I had one child potty trained by 21 months, one 19 months and my daughter was 22 months, I used reward and discipline, YES discipline, what kind of training does not take discipline? waiting until the child show's interest cracks me up, who's in charge these days? It was not a fight or a battle or a trying time for my kids to be potty trained early, I made it fun and exciting and they wanted to use the potty. I have also been potty training other peoples children for 14 years, most we potty trained by or before the age of 2 and I have very happy parents who's children have happy pediatricians. They say all kids are different, maybe (Not really) it's the parents who are different, Hope this helps. J.
When you & your child are ready, here is the plan that worked for me with my two daughters, and all the children in my at-home daycare/preschool: As your child is striving for independence, it is important not to make "going potty" a power struggle. Build going to the bathroom into the daily routine. Start out very simply. When he wakes up in the morning, say: "Before we get dressed, we go potty." At bedtime, "Before we put on our jammies, we go potty." It's becomes part of the routine, not just the parent telling the child when to go to the bathroom. Then, before we eat lunch/dinner, we go potty (you are in there washing your hands anyway). Or after the meal. This way, it really does become a natural part of everyday events, and becomes a habit. As he becomes successful, you can add in other times: before we get in the car, before or after nap, before we start that next big painting project, before we go to the park...we go potty. I have found this to be a pretty stress-free plan, for both the parents and the child. If you want to chat more, you can email me at ____@____.com. Wishing you the best! B.
This may not be a very popular response but here it goes. I started potty training my daughter at 2 and we had very little success. I was hoping to have her done by the time her brother was born. Fast forward to her being 3 and baby was 3 months old. We had a 3rd bday party and the birthday girl was the only one still in a pull up. I told a friend how frustrated I was and she asked a very simple question. "Have you told her you EXPECT her to go in the potty everytime and it is not okay to go in her pants anymore and that if she doesn't make it a priority she will be punished?" Well, I was appalled at the time and just kept trying patience, schedule, encouragement blah blah blah. Another 6 months went by and I was at my end and decided to try the appalling method. I talked to my daughter and told her this is it, no more pull ups except at night and you loose a toy everytime you have an accident. She lost one toy (her favorite) and didn't have another accident. With my son I decided I wouldn't even think about it until age 3. Then we took off the diaper and I had the same talk with him (minus the loss of a toy just that he was 3 now and this is what is expected.) He took 3 days.
I answered a potty question with this same answer yesterday. See if you can find a friend that is already potty trained, and let him see that kid going to the bathroom. Most kids want to be copy cats, not necessarily of you all of the time, but seeing a friend go to the bathroom on the toilet might just be the encouragement he needs.
Also, pullups are just expensive diapers, we skipped them and straight into underwear. I had to clean up a few poops, but most of the time I could tell when my son was about to poop (squatting, grunting, etc.). I would rush him to the bathroom, poop was actually the easiest part of training for us, probably because I was able to tell, and he just got the idea after that.
