My 2.5 Year Old Boy Has a Significant Hitting Problem

I have a 2 yr old that likes to hit not out of aggression but play. I gave him styrofoam swords he can hit with. I let him pound empty pop bottles on the table. He has a styrofoam ball and bat that he can hit the ball with the bat. Hitting with anything hard is automatic discipline. I use a loud hard voice to tell him no. He knows he has acceptable and non acceptable hitting things.

Let him hit stuffed animals but not people. get him a punching bag and make it known one is ok to hit and the other isn't such as people.if he gets mad at his play date give him a stuffed animal to take his fustration out on. Don't know if this will work but its worth a shot. good luck and hopefully he will just outgrow this. mine hasn't yet but he knows what he can hit and what he can't.

Have you tried reading him "hands are not for hitting." In the same series there is a book on anger. That might help too. Check your local library.

I'd also encourage doing roll playing with him. I find with my daughter that if I give her the words to say in certain situations, and do some roll playing with her, she is better able to use her words, not her body. She's really good at saying "please don't push." When she was testing out physical behavior, prior to playdates I'd do some roll playing and tell my daughter that if I saw her engage in whatever the negative behavior was, we'd have to leave --making it clear that there is a zero tolerance policy for physical behavior. I also explain to her all the time about how other people don't like selfish or rude people, etc. and how she won't have any friends if she isn't nice.

There is a great Winnie the pooh book on sharing I read my daughter all the time too --can't recall the name. I also read her a critter book called "it's mine," letting her know it's OK to be hurt by having to share things.

If I was you, I'd stay away from playdates for a week or two. See if you can't break the cycle. Read him some modeling positive behavior, etc. and then reintroduce him to playgroups. I'd also switch up the kids he is playing with. It might be a personality thing as well. I don't let my daughter near this one boy in playgroup (he's a biter and my daughter just doesn't like him).

The most important thing, I think, it removing him from the situation when he engages in the behavior. Instead of TOs, leave. Make it clear that the behavior is not going to be tolerated, period, but tell him what he can do instead when X happens, etc. Give him the words to use instead of him having to rely on his body. Right now the physical behavior is obviously working, or else he wouldn't keep doing it. So you need to make sure it isn't reinforced.

I second Julie V's advice. I'd also train myself to make FREQUENT observations about his non-aggressive behaviors. Kids love to be noticed, and sometimes just shifting more emphasis toward positive reinforcement is effective. It sounds almost like this little guy gets the most attention when he hits.

Also, check out this video (and related ones) about Dr. Harvey Karp's approach to working with angry toddlers, as in The Happiest Toddler on the Block, and see whether it has any application to your situation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&f...

If you are really concerned and nothing else is working, I would suggest a trip to the doctor for some checking.............he could have a chemical imbalance and need to get some help............So, he may not be able to stop his hitting.......

Get him checked out and make sure he is ok............and maybe the Dr. can give you some suggestions too.

Take care and good luck.

First of all, I would suggest that you not overreact to this. Hitting at this age is common and has to do with the level of frustration your child feels and his inability to process it, or verbalize how he feels. It seems like a book that educates you about childhood development is in order, any of the books that have to do with children's care between 1-5. Personally I liked Penelope Leach's book.
You do need to take him out of the situation immediately and tell him no, strongly, and "we don't hit". Then you need to redirect his attention. I agree with the Mom who said praise and reinforce the good behavior as much as possible also. Punishments in my opinion are not necessary at this age. Teach him the correct behavior and to "use his words". He will grow out of it as he learns to manage his frustration. Of course, if he keeps hitting at a playdate, you can take him out of it, telling him why. He will learn quickly that he can't play with other children if he hits them. But he needs alternatives. What CAN he do? "Use your words." Tell the child or tell a parent what he needs and wants. (that doesn't mean he gets to have it, just that he gets to EXPRESS it properly.)
And good luck to you!

Just to add to Faith's great response, think of the hitting as communication. Your son doesn't yet have the ability to label and or to verbalize what he is feeling, so he is hitting. You can't "punish" him for this, that would be punishing his feelings. He has valid feelings, but just doesn't know what to do with them yet. Try saying something like "I can see that you are angry that xyz. That must be frustrating. Let's . . . ." This will teach what to do AND acknowledge his feelings. I suggest the following wonderful book that literally changed our lives as our son also was like yours: The Smart Love Parent: The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline
by Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. and William J. Pieper, M.D.

One other note, I also understand what you are saying about avoiding playdates. I have felt that way myself! Hopefully you have found a preschool that truly understands children and will help him to learn the proper behavior rather than getting angry with him and punishing him. I wish I had asked better questions of the preschool where I sent my son.

rent, 1, 2, 3 magic. It will stop his behavior quickly, but that is, only if you stick with thier instructions. Hitting should never be allowed, regardless of age, if you allow him to hit simply because he's at that stage, he will only get worse.

Good luck.

My son had a hitting problem at that age as well. The problem with this is that part of it is developmental as he's working on his identity in the world and part of it has to do with language barriers he has yet to overcome. Kids at this age cant get their message across most times to other twos and so they revert to the basics to solve the problem just as a baby cries--a two year old grabs or hits for attention/requests to play/to be heard etc. All kids are different with this phase. It took about 5 months before my son really got the picture that he didnt have to use his hands or body to get his message across. As I would tell him dont put your hands on anyone, use your words, he began head butting people! LOL! My son's problem was that people were in "his house". He was protecting his home and the items in it. As I run a daycare I am very careful about what is the daycare's and what is my son's. Also I do not make my kid share. They are people as well. If he doesnt want to share something I tell him to not bring that item around other kids. Kids have a fit because they feel they have no choices. I had to take my kid out of the situation for awhile and give him other choices because he wasnt getting it. What is important is that you work on him managing his emotions in any situation. My kid a few months older is a model sharer and understands sharing better and doesnt hit any longer. He tells people his feelings and asks them to do the same. It all takes time and dont feel bad about scaling back on playdates...his time to play nice has only just begun. Play with him and show him how much fun sharing can be. Dont let him always go first and role play with him. Be the bully kid and then ask him what he should do. The lightbulb will eventually come on. Try to see it from his perspective and you can always of course play the "big boy card".

Hope this is helpful to you!

F.

Personally I have watched people do time outs to no avail. Stopping him right in the middle takes some of your energy, but seems to work. You are his mother so you have every right to grab his arm (don't hurt, just pull him away from the other child) and tell him no as he is doing it and whatever other feelings are coming from you.How much it can hurt someone. It is stopped when he sees how alarming it is to others and you. Caretakers do not have that same right unless you give them permission. They have to gently guide a child away, are really not able to touch him themselves and can use positive words but you can be serious with him. He is old enough to go to preschool so he is old enough to understand some consequences, too. If you tell him you are not going to watch Dimple Darling on tv. if he hits, then do not let him watch it. Do not tell him that he won't go to the Caribean for vacation this year if he is bad. Because that reference probably means nothing to him. (Ok, I could be wrong, maybe you went there recently and he remembers). Time outs have to mean something, and that seems to be the usual solution in schools. Or not being allowed to play. It is good that you intervene before it happens, but I am suggesting letting it go a step further so you can let him know what the actual behavior is that he should stop.And remind him to use WORDS. He will eventually learn to use words to talk about how hard it is for him.

You don't mention how verbal he is. sometimes kids who are somewhat preverbal do a lot of hitting. I would try the 1-2-3 magic book. When he hits, you model a soft stroke and tell him we don't hit. It is 3 strikes and you are out. If he hits 3 times, he goes home. And you have to mean it or he won't learn. Depending on the hitting, sometimes a first hit can be a 3. Don't worry about preschool. The teachers are all very familiar with this and are actually often better than parents at getting it to stop. His behavior is quite common in his age. some children have short fuses and they get frustrated easily. At his age, autonomy and control are very much on a child's mind. Some of the advice in the books are good. They say don't get into a long conversation. State the rules, then act after the 1-2-3 with the consequence. The consequence should be related to the offense. It is important that the parent stay calm. We don't need two tantrums one from mommy. And most important, don't ever think to teach a child not to hit by hitting. Good Luck. This age is full of challenges but it will pass.

Hi, this problem is very common with children his age and trust me you are NOT alone in this at all my friend!