Need Book Ideas

At 3 1/2 I would not even go I to big discussion. Baby so and so went to heaven. She never saw the baby. They cannot comprehend death. At 3 1/2 they are very self centered. Six months from now, if you do not bring baby up, she will not even remember. So very very simple is what I would do. You also don't want to scare her.

I am sure there are books out there. But a 3 yr old should be told that the baby went to heaven if that is your belief and leave it alone. do not drag out the sadness and grief. She will forget about it if you let her.

I am very sorry for the loss in your family. The loss of a baby is awful.

If you're talking about death and heaven, then can I assume you are from a Judeo-Christian back ground. If not, I hope what I say is still somewhat helpful.

We have been talking to our oldest about this since he was very little. We always talked about how God loves us and wants us to have a very happy time while we are alive and that he wants us to go to heaven and be with him after we die. We talked about the fact that death is, in a way, a very happy thing because we know that person will be with God in heaven. (I don't personally believe in hell, so that doesn't concern me. My husband disagrees, but we try to focus on our belief that we try to live a good Christian life so this really shouldn't concern our son.)

We told our kids that one of the reasons people are so sad when someone dies is that they will really miss the person. They know that they will see them again in heaven after they die, but they will miss them until then.

He sometimes worries that his grandparents will die. We told him that they will and that we will see them again in heaven. But they are here now! We need to enjoy them as much as possible right now while they are still with us!

One of my favorite quotes from the Bible comes from the Gospel of John. "I came so that you might have life and have it more abundantly." John 10:10. God wants us to live our lives while we are here and enjoy eternity with him in heaven.

But if it helps, Albus Dumbledore said, "Death is but the next great adventure."

I would just be matter of fact about it, and answer her questions in a manner appropriate for a 3 yr old. They don't really have the ability to comprehend the finality of death at this age, so don't be surprised if she doesn't seem sad or is fine with a brief explanation. My good friend passed away suddenly several years ago, her 3 year hadn't been told anything yet, but said "Mommy wasn't at home this morning, maybe she died." and went on playing oblivious to the tears of the adults surrounding her. Death at that age is the easiest to explain, in my opinion. They don't understand why or how they should be sad over it. The bigger deal you make it, the bigger deal it will be for her. I'm so sorry for your family's loss, I can't imagine how devastating this would be.

My children very recently experienced an unexpected death of their uncle and my brother (not blood, but uncle and brother all the same).

My kids were 6, 7, and 9 when this happened and they know he passed, but they do not need to know the details. They witnessed my grief and dealt with it in their own way. I think we all cried for days non-stop and still have our moments, as I tear up writing this.

Death is hard. Kids don't need more information then necessary, I wouldn't wnt the 3 year old thinking it could happen to her also.

I just told my kids it was Joey's time and God called him home. I answered as many of their questions as I could without going into the details of his death

And I am so very sorry for your loss.

I think your child really has no concept of death or this baby.

If you just say nothing he will soon forget about them. Not that it's mean or anything but anything you tell him is going to get in his brain and he'll have a mixed up message from it that won't make sense when he's older.

When he asks about the baby just change the subject or give a super simple answer.

Such as, if he asks when he's going to see the new baby just say not today.

God Gave us Heaven
Lifetimes

When Dinosaurs Die (to the point)
Where do balloons go (very metaphorical)

3 1/2 years is pretty young though, I might skip the books and just answer any questions as simple as possible. 3 1/2 is pretty accepting of whatever adults tell them (I also have a 3 1/2 year old)

Sorry to hear this.
Take care...

So sorry to hear about the loss of your niece or nephew.

Kid are amazingly resilient. My then 3 yr old daughter handled her brother's death w/ out any issues and she was witness to my grief as well as my husband's and she of course knew her 17 day old brother. You on the other hand will be able to explain things to her without being a complete emotional wreck. Your daughter will follow your lead. Keep it simple. Honestly, I wouldn't even get a book. She most likely will not even remember this sad time in your family.

Here is a link to the top five children's books that deal with death. Maybe one of these will be what you are looking for. I personally have not read any of them.

http://voices.yahoo.com/top-five-childrens-books-deal-dea...

I hope this will help, and I'm sorry for your loss!

When my son was about that age, a neighbor passed away. My son asked some questions about the neighbor, and we simply said he was in heaven, but then we focused on his widow. My son was much more concerned about her, about her apparent loneliness, her sadness, etc. And at his age, that was much more practical, more visible. So perhaps when your child's questions arise, you can talk simply about your beliefs in a comforting way, and then help her to do something thoughtful together for the grieving parents, like planting a little rose bush, or saving some pennies to donate to a charity (a local Children's Hospital might have a child-appropriate one), or sending or delivering a meal. Even at a young age, a child can learn to develop empathy and can help to do something. When you're planting the rose bush, or putting another penny in the special jar, you can talk about what you believe, how you believe God comforts us when we're sad, about prayer, about joy and sadness. Just keep the conversation open, and admit you don't have all the answers but address her concerns. The questions my son asked were not what I expected, and a book probably wouldn't have answered them, but instead we would just talk. Don't be afraid to say you aren't sure, (such as "what does heaven look like"), but also don't be afraid to teach your child what you value.

Condolences on the loss of such a precious little one.