Need Opinions on Older Mom's Wedding Ettiquette

I think if you ask Mom about a a new dress, and she agrees, thats a great gift and bonding thing between you. As far as a shower...I agree with other posters and think a ladies or co-ed luncheon/tea would be more appropriate, again..if she is willing.

Does she just not want the extra "fawning" over her...like its a an extravagent formality as it is? If shes willing to let you make a bit of a fuss over her to make her day a little special, but appropriate and tactful..I say go for it!

I personally think a shower at the age would be silly. If you want to buy her a dress, talk to her about it. Im assuming she would be picking it right? She may not be comfortable with her daughter buying her a dress. Like I said, talk to her about the dress, but I vote no on the shower.

I love the idea of a congratulatroy tea. or even just a small luncheon with her lady friends. (sort of a bachlorette party for the senior citizen age lol) it would be nice an she might really like it. at her age she might not have had a shower the first time around even as I am not sure they did the wedding shower thing 40+ years ago when she got married the first time around.

I don't have any answers...but I think this is wonderful and wish your mother and her new husband many years of happiness.

It would be nice for her to start her new life with a new dress, or whole new outift. But that is up to her. Since she has invited a lot of people a recption to greet and feed her guests would be nice. Does the church have a space where you could set up a party and possibly have a dinner catered for her? You could hire a solo musician, small band or DJ to provide background music. If a catered dinner is not possible, I went to a friend's wedding about 12 years ago and she had a potluck. Everybody brought a dish to pass and we used paper plates and cups. It was all done in about 2-3 hours, including the ceremony. It was a simple celebration of their wedding.
As far as a shower goes, they already have 2 houses full of stuff but that stuff is from the lives they had with another spouse. They now have a new beginning and new stuff, especially bedding would be really nice.

I would not do a shower, nor would I do a "shower" b/c it seems out-of-place. I would, however, (if you are able to) offer to host the "rehearsal dinner" whether or not there is a rehearsal. If there will be family from both sides in town for the weekend, offer to have a barbecue at your home. It can be completely casual, but a nice way to show your support. If they weren't planning on doing a reception, the offer to have a party for them.

I think buying her a dress is a beautiful idea. If she is really not looking for a new dress, what about offering to have her bouquet done for her. She may not have planned on having flowers, but that would be equally as thoughtful... or have someone come do her hair and makeup before. Something so that she feels "special" on that day!

Very sweet and what a blessing to find love again.

Host a tea party or brunch but send invites in a way that lets guests know it is just a pre-wedding celebration and that no gifts are necessary.

Make a date with your mom for a day of shopping and lunch and gossip and mani-pedis. Help her select a dress if she'd like a new one or encourage her to get some new shoes or jewelry or bag to go with the dress she already has. Offer to go dutch if you can afford to.

If she would like, simply host a potluck buffet reception at the church. Most churches have "potluck committees" that help host receptions and funerals, etc.

I agree with others, find out if that dress holds a special meaning for her, or if she is just frugal. If it is the latter, then offer to take her shopping, spend a day together.

You could also invite some of their closer friends for a 'shower of blessings', where people instead of material gifts bring their well wishes, lessons learned, share some poetry or readings that are meaningful to them and suitable for the occasion. This could happen before or after the ceremony.
You could also invite to a sort of rehearsal dinner, as others have suggested, just as an opportunity for members of the two families to get to know each other better. Depending on the people involved and your mom's and her fiance's temperament, this could be formal or very casual, it could be just socializing or it could involve a sort of bingo or scavenger hunt game, where people learn different facts about each other.
There are all kinds of "icebreaker" games, that would lend itself to get to know each other better in a fun and relaxed environment, and the shared experience will forge connections and common memories.

Instead of shower gifts, people could pitch in and get them a partner massage and pampering before the ceremony as a gift; or in the week after the ceremony, for that matter.

I think what is appropriate really depends on them and who they are as people. Some just don't want to make a fuss for themselves but will appreciate it if others organize it, others just plain hate it.
Have fun with it, make it tailored to the couple and their families and what they will enjoy.

If they were not having a reception I would plan something for them. Could be anything from a luncheon to a barbecue or just cake in the church.

you might try saying that you wanted to take her out to lunch and buy her a new dress for her wedding as your special present to her.

Congratulations to your mother! I think just about anything they want to do to celebrate this wedding is approprate, why should their age matter? My father got married at age 70 and they had a beautiful, small, outdoor ceremony and then a larger reception right after.

I don't think I would throw a shower, only because you say they already have the usual household things. But it would be nice of you to show your support by doing something nice with your mother beforehand. I would ask carefully about the dress, as others have mentioned, she may have her reasons for wearing that dress. But if it is only a budget issue, she might appreciate your generosity in offering to go shopping together for a new one.

If she isn't making it a big deal, she knows the etiquette. Why don't you ask her if she would like to have some friends over for a congratulatory tea or something? Tasteful and low-key is the way to go, I would think, and your mom sounds lovely. A tea or brunch or something like that would be a way her closest friends could get together and wish her well without the nonsense of shower games and stuff that doesn't interest them anymore.

I would tell your mom you would like to buy her a new dress, and ask her if that's ok. I think instead of a 'shower' maybe you could do a celebratory lunch with some of her girlfriends and other female family members. She won't really need a shower, because (hopefully...) at 69 she and her fiance already have everything they need.

I think hosting a cake and coffee reception after the wedding would be very appropriate.

I would agree that a shower probably isn't necessary since they have lots of things, but little things like new towels, sheets, glasses a nice sentiments.

Buying your mom a new dress, and perhaps an appointment with her hair dresser the day of the wedding would be a wonderful wedding present.

M.

My mom got remarried in her 60's--out of state and on the beach. She had a small reception at a restaurant the next week.
A new dress would be a great wedding gift--take her shopping & lunch & make it a special day!
They got some nice gifts--the O. I remember was a vase for him and a candy dish for her--they were told that he should keep the vase full of flowers for her and she should keep the candy dish full for him!

Do you know why she is picking the dress? Specail memories, lack of money to buy a new one, does not really care? If you know for sure it is due to saving money then as her daughter you could say you would love to go dress shopping with her. Go from there, while dress shopping if she finds something and it is within your budget let her know you would love to treat her and buy the dress for her, or pay for half.

Shower wise there may not be time to arrange one but how about you take her out to eat or have a simple party with other members of her faimly you think she would love to celebrate this wonderful moment.

Reception is up to them, but if they are not having one because of money and you are willing to pay for it maybe have an outdoor picinic type reception or in a gym/hall of the church. Simple food nothing fancy but where everyone can socalize, give congrats. If they really do not want one, respect that, it is not needed. You could invite just close family over to your house (if you live near by) for a cookout or similar type meal.

I like the idea of having a pre-wedding get-together by way of celebration, and/or a pot-luck reception after the wedding. And you could tell her that you would like to buy her a new dress as your wedding gift to her. Perhaps phrase it in terms of "every wedding should be celebrated."

I do not think there should be a shower but not sure of proper etiquette. If anything, you could have a 'party' or cookout for the happy couple. Almost like an engagement party or a congratulatory party. I would say nothing would be proper etiquette. I would hope she would want to wear a new dress and I think it is very sweet of you to buy her one. I would plan a brunch or lunch with her very, very soon and when you meet up, tell her that your gift to her, or one of them, is a new dress for her special day! I love Ruth's idea of a nice luncheon for your mom and her closest friends and a cake. Very nice of you! W.

a new dress for your mom would be a wonderful gift....& an opportunity to let her know of your blessings. EDIT: don't forget some pretty undies!

I would also offer to do something special for the reception afterwards. It could be the flowers on the tables, the trinkets, .....? Let her know you care!

Of course it would be wonderful for her dress to be your wedding gift!

Maybe host a small cocktail party or a small reception.. just very simple..
Cake, punch, coffee, Sparkling wine if it is allowed.. ..

You are correct a shower will not be needed....

Have a blast!

i am glad your mom found someone to share her life with. i say let the bride decide. oh and i think it would be wonderful for the two of you to go shopping and you buy her a new dress. tell her it is for her new beginning. god bless. R. ps you could have a nice lunchen for your mom and her friends. no gifts needed. it would be a time of celebration for the bride. have a cake and all.