Neighborhood Friends

you are correct to stay out of your children's disagreements. if you want to be sure of what happened at the neighbor's house, call up and very politely ask if your children have done something wrong, because you would like to address the situation with them if that is the case. tell them what your children said, and ask if there is anything you can do to help the adult relationship, since the boys normally have fun playing together. end on a positive note, with a thanks for help with the situation. a confrontation takes two people. if you remain positive and non confrontational, the neighborhood situation could evolve into something much better than it is now, with gossip and rumors flying, but no one really knowing what the situation is. unless you are planning to move, this is the only way to be sure your neighborhood stays peaceful. good luck!

I've found out in the past that it is always safer to keep your kids at home and invite neighborhood kids to your house to play. This way your lifestyle and your kids set the pattern for healthy interaction between parents and children and friends. Also, you are in control. You are able to set up guidelines and if necessary to send them home if they do not respect your home with their language or behavior.

If it was me i would call and see what is the problem & can we see if we can work this out.

.

I would just let it go for now. I have an 11 year old son and sometimes boys at that age can be a hand full. Maybe they were just having a bad day or maybe if the children play at their house a lot they may be wore out. Maybe suggest that they play at your house more, assuming your husband doesn't have a problem with that. My son has friends that ALWAYS want to play at our house and it does get a little stressful and I myself have had to bite my tongue a few times when they get a little nerve wrecking.

If it were me, I would let things calm down a bit. If the other boys are good kids and you don't mind them coming over to play at your house, you should invite them. Don't let it be an eye for an eye thing (which I guess is what your husband is doing??) The kids shouldn't be punished. Kids fight from time to time and they get over it much faster than adults would. I would try to be calm, cool and collected at all times and see what happens. If the boys aren't allowed to come to your house, I'd call the parents and ask in a calm way what's happened and how can we fix this issue so all the boys can continue their friendship and play together. The point I'm trying to make is to always keep the upper hand by being professional and in control when dealing with other parents (then noone can say you were an out of control mother and spread more rumors). Good luck!

Hi,

It has always been my position that what occurs between kids should stay between the kids (as long as no one is getting seriously hurt) because when kids fight they usually get over it, move on and become friendly again but when the adults get involved they never move on and become friendly again.

you could call the parents and just ask what had happened with the kids that day; if the kids had done something to upset her or if the kids were misbehaving in anyway. That would be a good lead into the conversation.....

I have had a similar thing to happen to our kids; I have a 14 year old and 10 year old, and they play with 2 neighbor kids, almost the same age..and even though the neighbor kids come over to our house all the time, when my kids go over to their house, they get run off....interesting huh?

Sounds like a bunch of unneccessary drama. I don't think the kids were talking about you and your husband. Well if they were, it must have been something that they heard from an adult. Children are very impressionable. They repeat what they hear and see. You should confront the parents to put a stop to this, not to cause more drama. If they have a problem with you all, it needs to be brought out so you can find out why. It is probably a big misunderstanding. The other parents should not speak ugly to your children. If they have a problem with your children, they need to talk to you. I am very confrontational so you may not take my advice, but I don't play when it comes to my children.

A.,

Have you tried calling the neighbors and asking if you could perhaps talk? Say you'd like to work this out, for the kids' sake, and to be good neighbors to their family. Ask if they could help you by explaining what they would like to see done differently, or if there are things your kids could be doing differently.

If a fight starts, it's natural, but all kids must learn to control their anger. They must walk away from a fight and not ever "take up" for buddies. They should ask an older person to help them sort things out using words not actions. You and your husband can give them a good example by talking with your neighbors about your differences, rather than retaliating.

your two boyus have each other and probably do not need the influence of the other boys. keep them at home and have maybe one day a week when you exchange play days with another friend. the parents are not a good influence on their sons.

I am so very sorry that has happend to you, I am sad to say that something simillar has happend to my 8 and 6 yr old. I know it is hard decision to make because you want to keep the kids happy, but sometimes it is easier to tell them that sometimes friendships are for a short time and they will meet new friends, or just leave it alone and it will work itself out in the end.
I just know that if there is no respect for the parents from the kids or the other parents to you and your children then the friendship will never pan out. I hope all works out for you and your sons.
Sandy K.

Hi my name is K. and my heart was touched after reading your story. If I were you I would go over to my neighbor's house in a very nice and calm way and explain to them what you heard about the husband situatation; which is not the reason why you were there, but to explain about the boys and the reason they should NOT be put in the middle and find out what you all could do as neighbors to work out whatever problem they are having with you all and your family. Please Please pray before you go and ask God to be your guide all the way and give you the words to say to them and trust in him that he will work it out for you and your boys. With whatever results you come away with trust that God is pleased with you and the outcome.

Let me know what happens. Always rememeber a family that prays together stays together. Have family prayer the night before and before you go to the house to visit. If you rather or feel more comfortable calling them on the phone then by all means call, but take a stand for your kids and explain to them how people changes and it not the kids that mad at them nor the parents, but sometimes people go through situations and seems to take their problems out on the first person or people they come in contact with. Teach them to pray for people like that and as God to help them. Trust me your problems will soon cease.

Love you and your family,

K.

Hi A.,
I think the best thing you could do is to ask to meet with the parents (w/o children) so they can share their thoughts and concerns(and you visa versa)with you. Meeting the problem (though uncomfortable)head on is the best way to re-solve antying. This will also build ahealthy relationship of respect for both parties involved. But you will have to be prepared and opened minded for what their/and your concenrs are. That's the toughest part. Also keep in mind that the problem might not be re-solved completely but it will bring you a peace of mind knowing that you did everything you could to re-store the friendship between the boys and their parents. I know confrontation is very hard but if your doing it for the right reasons I believe that it might bring your families some much needed peace.

Hope this helps and I will be praying for you!

RA