PHONES For Tweens and Teens!!!!!????

I'm not a huge fan of the tech world either. They got their phones when they were in 7th grade because they were in band and taking frequent trips out of town or were practicing after school and on weekends. It was me wanting to be able to contact them when I needed to vs. them being able to connect with friends.

My kid got her first phone at 15 - a flip phone with talk, text, and camera. No internet capability.
She got her first smart phone when she had a job, bought the phone and paid the bill herself.

My girls (13 and 18) have had IPhones for years. They both know the phones are mine and my husband's and we let them use it so if I ever want to check their text etc. I reserve the right to do so. So far that has not been necessary and since my oldest is now 18 I can't imagine ever checking her phone.

Honestly, I don't know any kids that age that don't have a smart phone. They are missing out on group text etc. and making plans etc. in my opinion they will be left out of parties and activities because they don't have a phone.

Honestly, I don't understand why you would try to keep them away from the tech stuff.

In this day and age, where safety is a concern, I think some of the restrictions might have to be reconsidered. Schools can have lockdowns or other crises where a child might need to get in touch with a parent.

So I'm in favor of a child in a public school having a basic phone - not a smart phone. I mean a phone that makes and takes calls.

But I'm also in favor of an honest talk with the kids beforehand. Something along the lines of "Alex, we are going to get you a basic phone. It will not have internet access. It won't be the newest and the greatest. However, this is step one on your path to iPhone or Galaxy 7 ownership. The steps you have to take are: keep track of your phone. Never lend it out except in the case of a true emergency [then define what an emergency is - it doesn't mean that a classmate forgot his homework or someone thinks her boyfriend is cheating and she needs to call him; it's what a police officer or firefighter or doctor would consider a true emergency]. You don't lose your phone. You don't bang it up and crack the screen. You don't use it in school hours and you turn it in to a central area (hall table or basket on the dining room table) at bedtime. If your school work declines or if you don't do your chores or if your attitude becomes disrespectful, you lose the phone. However, if you demonstrate responsibility, care for your phone, use it within the limits we've established, then when the contract is up you'll get a better phone."

And show them the bills. Make sure they understand line charges and fees. And when they do earn the smartphone, you retain absolute rights to passwords, apps, and history. Just make the rules clear - don't assume things are implied. As they grow older and demonstrate responsibility, the rules relax a little.

ETA After your SWH. How do your kids use the computer? Does it have access to the Internet? Are your kids allowed to explore and try different ways to use the computer? Because of the things you said in the beginning, I thought you are limiting exposure to tech stuff because you want them to know the real world. The real world is tech.

I see that you've changed your post to only be about phones. That is helpful. I would've answered differently if your initial post only asked about phones. In my view, phones use technology. How much you allow for using technology on their phones is your decision and unrelated to the big picture of how we use technology overall.

I hope that you do allow your kids to become tech savy and they
can explore what's available on the Internet. In today's world just having a computer is not enough. We need to be knowledgeable about what is available and how to use it, starting at a young age. You're not comfortable with technology. Your kids need to be comfortable using it. That is the real world. Deciding how much technology is allowed on a cell phone is related more to how responsible your children are than to technology.

I'm glad you asked the question about phones. Sounds like you now have a better idea about how phones fit into teens lives.
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I want to comment about keeping your children away from tech stuff. Tech stuff is the real world! Electronic skill is needed for nearly every job that pays much more than minimum wage. Pencil and paper as an important way of communicating is going away. Careers in medicine, law, law enforcement, education, offices, and more are run by computer. I haven't seen my doctors take written notes for a couple of years.I had the plumbing in my bath tub replaced. They used a tablet almost exclusively. The only paper was the contract. Casual photos are taken with a phone. The library is computerized. The catalog is on line. I use a computer to check out books. More and more uses for the computer.

I'm notified when bills are paid electronically. I can make deposits with my phone. My teen grandaughter has to do most of her school work on a computer. She does assignments and then sends them to her teacher by computer. My phone is able to do more for me than the desktop. My son in law takes notes in his college classes using an iPad. Tech stuff is a whole new large field. Those able to program, trouble shoot, install systems make good money.

I suggest that in my grandchildren's lifetime, they will do nearly everything using electronics.

Kids have to start getting used to computers, including electronics, while in the lower grades so they can hold their own in the workplace. They need to learn how to quickly use computers in college.

Many of my friends have an older sibling that has a phone and younger who doesn't and we all say we're tempted to get the younger one a phone too. We love the convenience of being able to text that we're running late or something. But it depends on the family. One thing that seems a bit odd though is that your son especially is never unsupervised outside your home or a friends' home? He seems old for that. It's good for kids to learn to navigate around on their own. Mine ride bikes places for lunch with friends and love the independence. I love to see them do it bc it's what I did as a kid.

In the end it us entirely up to you whether or not you provide them with any kind of cell phone at any time, but I don't think they are lying to you when they say most of their friends have them. My sons are 10 and 12 and most of the kids here their ages have had phones for a couple of years already. I am not saying that is right or wrong, it is each parents choice to make, but I don't believe they are too young. My kids have iPhones, but like all their screens I monitor use and limit game time.

We also took into consideration the fact that it cost us almost nothing out of pocket, we just gave them our old phones and with our cell provider it doesn't cost us extra to add then to our plan. Why just have the old phones sitting around doing nothing when they can be enjoying them?

My kids wanted them - they bought them. They saved, used birthday money, and we ok'd it. My kids pay for the plan every month. They don't get an allowance. They do above and beyond everyday chores to earn money - and that's what pays their phone bills. One of my kids, is questioning whether it's worth it. This is for him to decide - he just painted our shed and is now working scraping our house, and he's thinking he might want something else. I think that's good. Teaching him about saving, what to use money on, how hard it is to make a buck ... etc. So for me, I ok'd it because we just didn't hand them phones.
Personally - I like that they have them. I do find it convenient. Mine go off with friends and what was happening was they were borrowing their friends' phones to touch base with us. After that had been happening quite a while, they brought up getting their own.

I keep hearing people say that kids need cell phones, but I am not convinced. I live my life just fine without a cell phone. My kids do fine without cell phones. We have a land line at home. Most places we go to have telephones available in case of an emergency. If my kids wants to get a job an pay for a cell phone, maybe.

ETA: My kids go to plenty of places unsupervised without me and they do a ton of afterschool stuff, but all the places they go to have phones, the schools, community centers, pools, church all have phones so I can call or they can call me if need be. And really, they never seem need to call, once in a blue moon there may be a change of plans.

Totally your call. I only caved and gave the OK at age 10 for both kids because I was sick of my cell being used constantly for calls and FaceTime with their friends. I needed access to my phone. It's helped a lot because now I don't have to coordinate things with their friends and/or their parents, either. They can handle it themselves.

If your son is going to have after-school activities, it's probably time. It really is helpful when you can reach them easily then. Otherwise, I'd say no rush if there isn't a compelling need.

This is such a difficult thing. Only you know your child and whether they are responsible enough to have a device like that. And whether you can afford to provide one.

That said, there is a learning curve to what is appropriate/not appropriate (or downright illegal or dangerous) regarding cell phone use. I have found that my younger child has been (overall) more responsible with having a phone than my oldest. Is it because she is generally a more mature/responsible person? Or is it because she had one at an earlier age and mastered phone smarts before high stakes were involved? I don't know.

Your son (definitely) and likely your daughter are getting to the ages that if they want to have any kind of social life, they need to be connected via texting. Not *necessarily* smart phone... but Instagram is a biggie, too. This is how the majority of kids today communicate. They don't call and talk on the phone. They send each other funny memes, and text jokes, and plan "come spend the night and we'll go see Star Trek" stuff. It's how they interact.

There are things they need to learn about this. When it happens is in your court.
We got phones for our 2 when it became logical/practical for *our* (parents) needs. So that WE could communicate with them at practices (wrestling/karate/band,etc) and when son was getting near the age to drive and be away from us completely solo. But it really plays a bigger part in their overall social life than you might like. Without it, though, it would make things much harder for them to keep in touch with all that goes on with friends,they'd frequently be "out of the loop" and it might make things more difficult for them socially at school. If they tend to be quiet kids, it's hard enough on them already.
Also, in high school, teachers often have "remind" notices they send out on apps/text messages.
Just something to think about.
If you do get a smart phone, invest in a good quality case for it. Not a cheap "cutie" one. They cost more, but you really do get what you pay for here. Both my kids got Otterbox Defender cases with their iPhones, and never used them a day without the case. Son's is 3 years old and still perfect. DAughter's is 2 years old, she dropped it in the toilet Monday (she was getting into the shower and knocked it off the counter), but put it in rice and it's fine.
-- Oh, and she got hers when she did (13) because we decided to cut off the home land line. Son was driving and on his own for practices and things, but she wasn't yet... but it was practically the same $ to get her a phone and cut off the land line--which no one ever uses here anyway.

MY 11 year old and 13 year olds have phones, they have for years. I don't see what the big deal is about being able to keep in touch with your kids. And technology is life today. It's needed for school, work, activities, and so much more.

You don't have to let them do something because others are - BUT they probably are the last kids their ages to get phones. And it leaves them out of things they could otherwise be involved in.

I think yes. It's normal for kids their age to have smart phones. I do wonder about during school hours though. Ours just got her first smartphone this summer. I'm not sure I want her to take it to school and have that option with her all day.

I do have to decide quickly though. School starts in a few weeks. I think it depends on their environment, their maturity, and more. I can't imagine a 14 year old not having a full access phone with them all the time though.

This is a decision that is for your family and your family alone. What is "right" for you is what works for your family.

That said, My 21yr old daughter has had a phone since 6th grade (age 12). When IPhones came out, we got them and we have had IPhones every since, upgrade as needed when the newer ones come out.

My daughter was after school a lot with cheer, football games, on the bus traveling to/from sporting events and I personally liked her having her own access to call home if needed. In HS, she (and other students with phones that had the capability) uploaded an APP for $5 for a special calculator and this offset the cost of the mandatory calculator that cost $140. We have the $140 one too but she only used that one at home because at school... anything with tech tends to get "legs" very easily. It is important to know NOT to lay it down somewhere, etc. because it WILL get picked up.

As long as you have some ground rules, boundaries and the children are responsible, I don't think it is an issue.

Well, my kids just got their first good phones, they will be seniors. The one thing we did run into with my son is that teachers actually want to text assignments to kids. We had an issue with one that expected my son to get the info from one of the other students rather than provide to someone that does not have one. Otherwise, my kids had their Ipods that they texted with.
It might be a good idea to have a phone for your son with out the data plan if you think he would then only have his nose in the screen. I do understand wanting them to actually interact with each other.

My kids are younger but...do you kids actually need phones? Or do they want a way to text with their friends? My kids talk about having their phones often, and someone that didn't know better would probably think they actually have phones. They do not. They have iPods. On their iPod, they can message and facetime with their friends and they can play games.

And, to be honest, I can see their (your kids') point. My older is only 10, and already he and his friends make last minute plans to meet at the park or have sleepovers, all using the group imessage feature on their iPods. So, they might in fact miss out on some social stuff if they can't communicate the way that the rest of their friends do.

Differences between an iPod and a phone: The iPod only works on WiFi (you have WiFi in your house right? If not, the iPod is useless). So there is no data plan to worry about, and no monthly cost. You buy the iPod and that's it in terms of cost. The downside is that your child can't use it away from home in an emergency. So, if your 14 year old is with his friends, one of them is making poor choices, your son knows it's wrong and he wants to leave, he can't pick up his phone and call you. Because his iPod won't work at that moment, because he's not in a WiFi area. Mine are still little, but for this last reason, I anticipate buying a phone for my child when he's the age of your son.

Related point: Both my kids had to earn $ to buy their iPods - chores with dollar amounts assigned to them. They take ownership of them seriously, because they know how much work it took them to earn them. It took them months to earn enough to get refurbished iPods that are not the latest version. Similarly, when my niece was 12, she wanted a phone. My sister said she would buy the basic, non-smart phone but gave my niece the option to upgrade it to a smartphone at her own cost. My niece jumped on the opportunity, saved up all her birthday and Christmas money (my sister waited on getting the phone til niece was ready), and got the smartphone instead. I think that is also a good way to do it.

We have basic phones (LG Cosmos 2) for phone calls and texting - it has a camera.
It's hard to find a phone without a camera but there are a few.
It doesn't have a data plan.
The kids having a phones doesn't mean they have to have smartphones.

IMO phones and computers can be very useful today or very dangerous, it depends on the use. My middle and oldest daughters, the same age of yours, have phones and share a computer. We have parental control on both phones and computer, with automatic time limit to use them in addiction to the possibility to check their activities online, calls and messages, allowed apps and websites, photos... and I make random check directly of their electronics. I find it a healthy and safe compromise.

it's time for phones mama. keep up with times.
funny
actually, if you can afford them and you're ok with them having phones then get them. my kids got them last christmas (1 years old). they play tennis almost every day. i used to sit during their clinics for 3 hrs waiting for them to be done. now, i don't have to. they know, if they break or lose them, they dont get them replaced for next 2 years. so far, knock on wood, they are being careful with them.
as for keeping the tech away, it's all tech now, ipads in schools, e-readers, can't claim stone age at this time.

Instead of being afraid of technology you need to teach your kids to be responsible with it. There is something called MODERATION so you don't just let them have free reign with it. My kids are 16 and 13 and have rules. Yours can too.

My high schooler uses her phone in class to do research. They also use them for projects.

Kids get picked on for all kinds of things. I don't think you want to add to that by making it obvious they can't do the same things as the other kids.

You need to let your kids move forward instead of holding them back. Because when you do that, and they get their hands on a phone/tablet and haven't been taught about it, then it could get them in trouble. Frankly, I'd rather have my kids on their own electronics than sharing with friends because who knows what those kids are doing/looking at on their phones??!!!!!

JMO but you need to really reconsider this. Good luck.

Hi A., I am trying to do the same thing here with mine, wait on phones as long as I can, even though mine are younger. I do think that the HS age kids with after school activities should have one just in case something happens. It can be the type of phone that doesn't have internet and you can set some rules on phone use.

We are just making the jump ourselves....
Last year at our Thanksgiving party "all" the parents were talking about their kids using snap chat, texting, etc.
My 11 year old, not having a cell phone, had no access to these things and it seemed like everyone was speaking a different language. I was worried he felt left out and so I asked if he had been thinking of asking for one for his Christmas Gift.
He told me, "Mom, I don't think I'm old enough"
Uhh...what?
See the thing is..I think that I am old enough. Meaning I need to start to learn about this stuff while he is still under my influence, and to get wise before the other two start asking.

So he is turning 12 in a matter of days, going to a new campus for Jr. High which is a good 15-20m away. We have been spoiled, the 1-6th grade campus is 1/2 mile away and this is where my other two will be attending.

In my case 3 different schools, 3 different schedules and different activities. I would like access to him 'just in case'.

And I think it's time to take the big leap in this adjustment in my parenting...sigh.

I feel your pain!

As a facilitator for training volunteers in methods of protecting children from predators, I think the idea of phones is fine. What we encourage is an on-going conversation about how they are being used. Every time your children learn of a new app, let them discuss it with you. If you allow them to use it, practice it with them and become familiar with what it can do. Discuss often how protecting their full names and the names of their schools or towns is very important to their safety from internet "friends" they may acquire through games or Facebook. If they have questions about the use of their phones, engage them in thinking about how safe or unsafe certain choices can be.

While I will not include websites in my post, as I wouldn't encourage anyone to click on a site offered by a stranger (me), google safe cell phone usage and become familiar with the ways in which you can guide your children.

All my best.