Seeking Advice..When to Stay at Home vs Work?

Honestly, I can't imagine why anyone would consider quitting their job if your husband's employment truly is contingent on the market and economy. Why put that risk on your family? Why put that stress on your husband? Number #1 influence on failed marriages is financial worries... This is not the time to be throwing away a stable job and health coverage (since you have maternity LOA I assume you probably have health coverage opportunities).

By your own words, your boys are thriving in their daycare. Your 3 yo already is dealing with the adjustment from the baby and becoming a big brother... Why turn his world upside down by pulling him out of his routine, away from his friends, away from his teachers.

I think you should keep your job, as long as you can. My 2 cents.

We went through the same thing when we decided to make the transition to a single income. What made us decide to go for it was your babies are only little for a very short period of time and you can always go back to work. I am getting ready to return to the work force in a few months (when my youngest is 3) but I am so glad I have been able to stay with my little ones while they were very small. I have to admit I do have days when I think I was crazy to do this, but by far I am very happy with this choice. We have had some tight times finacially, but If you really sit down and look at your budget, you should be able to figure out if you will be able to do it pretty easily. Good luck with this tough choice.

I took a leave of absence from my job when my daughter was born. They gave me one year to decide what I wanted to do. I could have gone back at any time during that year, but I decided to quit when the year was up. We cut our family income in half when I left my job, but it has been totally worth it. We have old cars (my hubby drives one that is 11 years old now and mine is 8 years old), but they both run fine and we don't have any car payments. We also have no debt other than our house. It has taken a lot of discipline to be sure we didn't overspend and, as one previous poster touched on, a budget is key. You may want to sit down and draw one up to see if you can truly afford it. Put all of the numbers down on paper to see what you can/can't live without and where you can cut corners. If you make your budget and realize that you honestly can't live without your income, then you have your answer. If you can, then give it a shot! I now have 2 children (a 3 year old and an 8 month old) and I wouldn't change a thing. There are days when it's tough and I sometimes wonder if I should go back to work just to have an adult conversation and some sanity, but I know I'm doing the right thing for my kids and it really goes by so quickly!

The bottom line is that nobody but you and your hubby knows if you can feasibly stay at home with your kids. And, only you will know if it is the right thing for you if you can afford to do so. Take some time to map it out with your husband and see what you come up with. If you feel strongly about it, then do what you can to cut some things out of your budget and make it work! You won't regret it, I promise you! I made nearly 6 figures before I left my job and I still don't miss it! Being with my kids means more to me than the extra money.

I chose to quit my job and stay home with my daughter. This is the hardest job I have ever had and you do not get paid for it. There are no bathroom breaks or lunch breaks. At times, I would love to find a job and get to talk to other adults. That said, this is the best thing I could have done. I have got to see every milestone that she has accomplished. All her firsts. We go to library and to Gymboree every week and I love being able to be with her all day. With one income it is a little difficult. I can't go on shopping sprees anymore, but you do what you have to do to make it work. This is the best time of my life. You would never regret this decision. Good luck with whatever you choose and if it turns out you can't stay home that is ok too. Just enjoy every minute you have with them.

Hi there!
Wow, I so feel you! We got preggers after only six weeks of marriage and were faced with the decision before we had the time to get much money together, it was a tough decision I will tell you. Plus my hubby is in sales which is a commission based salary so let me tell you, it was leap of faith baby! We decided to live on only his salary during my pregnancy and save my salary to have a nest egg built up. So maybe that is a place to start. If you are contemplating leaving work, maybe you two can make a pact to live on his salary, and if things went crazy you do have a little safety net. When you feel you have a good cusion saved, then you could stay home. That is one idea. But I will tell you the best thing we did was buy the book The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. Oh boy did that change our lives! Although I was already at home, we were really pinching pennies, I remember a couple weeks with only like $20 for groceries for a whole week! But when we discovered his get out of debt plan and applied it to our lives, everything changed. He even has an approach for people who have a varying income, like you guys. Anyway, I highly recommend it, espescially since it is your heart to stay with your babies. I wish you all the best!

You bring up a huge dilemma for almost ALL of us moms. I feel for you. I've done it both ways...my son is now 12 and my daughter is 22. I worked part time when they were little and gradually increased my hours as they got older. I'm a social worker so I work with other people's children. Every mother has to make her own decision about this. Yes, you can live on one salary. Most moms I know who stayed home with their babies NEVER regretted it. The early years slip by SO fast. Look inside your heart...I know pretty much what you're going through. It sounds like you really want to stay home.
Good Luck to you and your family. All of us moms are rooting for you!
D.

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Oh this is very, very easy to answer. I did it!

First, you have to be in a decent financial position so that you don't 'suffer' as a family. It's ok to eat hot dogs and dollar burritos for a few years, but you want to be able to afford all bills, including any medical surprises. Do the excel expenses sheet including an extra $200 in monthly income expenses, and you should be ok. under no condition should you stop saving during this time. Saving = paying yourself. You want to pay yourself.

Then, you want to make sure that you have a plan to stay home with them. You cannot just stay home with your children. They must have a mother's day out program to go to, even if it is just 3 days a week. BTW, your 5 month old also needs to go, even if for just 2 days a week. I fought my husband on that, but later on, I was so pleased that he stayed with other children and learned to play with them, something SAHM's cannot give their children, ever! My girlfriend did this and her kids were bored to death and complained all day. There is a difference in a child staying home with its mother, and a child going to a learning environment, and you need to know that no mother can replicate that.

I agree this is something that all new moms struggle with. Our budget was very tight when my son was a baby, and I chose to work part time and we just sacrificed and cut out anything that wasn't a necessity. A budget is key, pay cash for everything and if you don't have the cash then you don't need it. We had cash to use for groceries so that I would stay right within the budget, no $1 or $2 dollars over. We cut coupons, we didn't go out very often. Even with all the sacrifices it was worth it. When my son was 18 months I went back to work full time. Once he started Kindergarten I cut my hours. I now work 32 hours a week.

So my suggestion would be to sit down with your husband and look at your budget and expenses and then see if you can sacrifice and compromise with a part time job. For me it was the best of both worlds because I was able to spend time with my son, but I also had adult interaction and brain stimulation at work.

Good luck, I'm sure you will find what works best for you. If you need help with budgeting I highly recommend Dave Ramsey, he has some great books about getting out of debt and budgeting. www.daveramsey.com

I too quit working after my daughter was born, she is now three years old and I enjoy every minute of it. I taught her letters, colors, shapes, numbers,phonics, etc. by the age of two she knew all of these things and more, the first years of your childs life are so important and will never come back, cherish them! I really can't imagine having done anything else and I know for sure that no one would have taken better care of her than I did, I never had to wonder how her day was or if she was been properly cared for. Of course my husband supported me on this decision, and we were financially stable(not rich)so it was not a difficult decision at the time. Things have changed now she is going to start school this year, and I started working from home about 6 months ago, and believe me time goes by so quickly!
So if you really want to stay home with your children but feel your older son needs to socialize and you are worried about the household income, you could babysit one or two kids about 3-4 years old. Just get your CPR/First Aid certification, buy some art materials and workbooks(preschool) more toys and set up the space, you could care for both of your sons get some income and have playmates for your older child. And if you are not interested in doing that, I'm sure you can still find other type of work that you can do from home.
But just in case you decide to work fulltime don't feel guilty, not everyone can afford to stay at home, although I know many moms would love to, just make sure you give them as much time as you can, they grow up so fast!

Hi DK,
I just wanted to offer one other piece of advice, and that is to make sure that you and your husband are on the same page about this decision. If you really want to stay home, but your hubby is ambivalent about it or even seems to resent the idea to a certain degree, it will make it much harder if you do ultimately decide to quit your job. I desperately wanted to stay home after my first child was born, my husband knew this, knew we couldn't afford it, and didn't really understand why I would want to give up my corporate job that I was doing really well in to stay home and change diapers (yes, this is what some men think). When my 2nd child was born he was in a new job and we could finally afford for me to stay home so I jumped at the chance. I loved being home with my kids but it was really, really hard for my husband and I at first. He still didn't really understand why I wanted to become a SAHM and I think felt a bit resentful that the entire burden of providing for our family fell to him. He also expected me to be Suzy Homemaker and for everything to be perfect when he got home from work...house sparkling clean, wonderful meal on the table, etc., etc. His expectations and resentments turned what would otherwise have been a very happy, relaxed time for me into a fairly stressful situation. It was a shock to me because I really didn't forsee his expectations being so high, but I also didn't expect being home with my kids to be so HARD. It is a lot of work to take care of children full-time, but a lot of men (and some women) still see it as 'not working.' So you are not appreciated at all. To go from a job where you get positive feedback and compliments to a job where no one seems to appreciate you and you never seem to be 'good enough' is a big shock to the system. These are just some of the things that happened to me that I hadn't planned for. Hopefully, your hubby wants you home with the kids as much as you want to be there, and he understands what a tough job it is and will still be willing to help you occasionally and not expect everything to be perfect. Things are better for my husband and I now but he still asks me often when I plan to go back to work and what I plan to do. I sometimes wish I had never stopped working because I think our relationship would be better. But I know I did the right thing for our kids, and I think he realizes that now too, so it has all turned out okay...it was just a rocky road for awhile. Good luck to you!