Should I Still Send Thank You's After All This Time?

I have never expected or received a thank-you for attending the service. If it gives you comfort to do this, feel free. But do not feel obligated.

I do not think anyone would expect a thank you card for going to the service.

If you want to reach out and let the person (or people) know you appreciate them showing up for the service, then by all means write a letter or call to get together for coffee and connect.

You're fine.
Only physical gifts (food, flowers, cash, etc. need to be acknowledged via thank you note.

Of course, if you'd like to drop a line to those whose presence was especially comforting? By all means, send a note.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It's personal preference. It's certainly not required, and most decent people don't expect it. But if it's something you would LIKE to do (out of gratitude, not guilt) and if it would help you to maybe say something about how your mother felt about that person (if she was acquainted) or what it meant to you to have this outpouring of support, then go ahead. Write as much or as little as you want - there's no rule about it. But don't let the elapsed time frame hold you back. If you want to, say exactly what you said here, that the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year period was rough, but with the coming of spring and a little bit of time/distance, you are starting to heal and find comfort in the warmth of friends who reached out in your time of need.

And I am so very sorry for your loss. It's always hard to lose someone, but perhaps more so when there is no warning and a sudden accident. You can be entirely forgiven for taking time to recover from all that happened. Just do what you need to for yourself and your family.

No you don't send thank yous for people who attended the service or signed a guest book. They came to support the family or honor your mother. They don't expect a thank you.

I do not think people are expected to send thank you notes in your situation. If there are people whose presence especially comforted you, a note letting them know would be lovely, but not necessary for the sake of etiquette.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm very sorry for your loss. To answer your question you don't have to send thank you notes to the people who signed the guest book only the ones who sent flowers and money.

I'm a big fan of written Thank You notes, but in this case I'm happy to tell you that you don't send them to people who sign a visitor book. That is not an expectation of etiquette so you can drop any guilt you may have been carrying about not doing it already, because you're not supposed to do it at all.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I have never received formal thank yous for attending a service and signing the book. I think you are off the hook for those. If you still have a few flower givers or something to thank, you can say what you said here, that you were overwhelmed but very appreciative. They should understand.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I don't think anyone would expect a thank you for attending the service. They were paying tribute to your mother and family, and giving their condolences. You don't have to thank them for that. I have never had a formal thank you (card, etc.) for going to a funeral.

What I would do is when you see them next, just mention it meant something to you that they came. That's what I do and have done.

Take care :)

I think you're really fine since you did send them to those who sent things. To those who attended, they wouldn't be surprised to get one, but certainly shouldn't expect it.

I would say, however, that if it's going to bother you, you could go ahead and send them. It might be a little therapeutic for you anyway! The upside would be that you could say something about how time is healing, and you are starting to enjoy remembering your wonderful mother without as many tears (at least I hope that's true!).

So really, don't feel pressured to do it. But if it will always eat at you, go ahead and send them... and I am so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure the shock was devastating to you.

As for the notes, I believe the "right" thing to do is to send a handwritten thank you to anyone who sent flowers, food, money, etc.

Fortunately, I have not been involved with many funerals but when I have, those are the notes that were prepared. We did not prepare thank you notes for everyone who signed the register.

I think it is very thoughtful of you to do that... maybe send a note to those who were especially there for you during this time if you choose. I do not expect nor have I ever received a thank you note for signing the register, attending a service or viewing.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss. It is never too late to send a thank you note. ?However, I don't think a note is necessary for someone simply for attending the service.

You are so thoughtful even amidst your your sad and unexpected loss.

Honestly, I don't think anyone is concerned that you have not sent out a thank you. It's only been a few months.

A bit of perspective, I had 5 aunts and uncles pass away within one year. I attended each funeral, sent flowers, etc and I did not receive thank yous. And it doesn't ever cross my mind. People who are grieving are given a sort of "pass" in my book of life. Don't be so h*** o* yourself.

Now, if writing is therapeutic and will help you feel connected and even cathartic, perhaps writing a thank you to soothe yourself would be a marvelous idea.

Preference these days. If you asked my aunt- she'd say etiquette. However, she oldschool Southern traditional. She sends thank you'd for everything. Attending a funeral, I don't think needs a thank you. They are their for support and comfort to you. I certainly wouldn't want a thank you for that.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's always hard to deal with something that happens out of the blue. I am glad you are doing better. If anything, reaching out to those who came to give support, is always appreciated and can be so comforting. For both.

So sorry for your loss...

Not necessary to send the rest of the thank you's but if it makes you feel better then go ahead

Hugs

I have never heard of this before so I'd think it wasn't something that was done. Please don't bring it all up again and put yourself through this. I think it would be incredibly odd to receive a thank you for coming to bury my mother.

So sorry for your loss.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.

My mother passed away November 2013, and oddly enough her services were two days before Thanksgiving.

I sent thank you's bc I found it therapeutic and way to connect with my mom's friends. If there are any you felt connected to, it's a nice way to let them know you want to KIT with them. Sometimes it's away to help keep the memories alive :-).

Only send thank you's to the attendants if you want to/feel up to it.

For me, I feel the actual loss of a loved one on the first anniversary of their death. The first anniversary is always the hardest for me. I have found that at the time of loss and the months after I am just numb, processing, and getting through the days.

By the first anniversary, the denial has worn off enough that the feelings of loss emerge. That said, I think the rules of etiquette are pretty flexible with the loss of a loved one. I would be glad to get a thank you just to know that you are doing ok.

((hugs))

You are very kind to want to thank everyone in writing. It is not necessary. As long as you acknowledged those who took the time to send something, I think you are fine.

Don't stress over this. People understand it is a very difficult time for you and your family. If they don't, they must have too much free time.

I think you should send them. I don't think it is too late. I have yet to attend a funeral and not make some sort of gift in lieu of flowers, so I don't know what rules govern in this situation. Nonetheless, a brief, even canned note saying thank you for coming to pay your respects is nice.

Best,
F. B.

Yes, it would be lovely of you.