To Young to Do This??

Some malls around here have policies which don't allow kids under 16 to be on the property unless they have an adult with them.
The policy is a good one for a lot of reasons.
When the kids/teens stopped flocking and being dumped at the mall, the adults started flocking.
Sales are up, crime is down and businesses are happy.
When she can drive herself to the mall, then she can go.
Hopefully by then she'll have a job there.

Nope, no way, no how. At 13 they have no idea if the person who walks beside them listening to their conversation is plotting to follow one of them home and grab them later. Kids don't have the awareness to understand their environment and their personal space being invaded..

Depends on the mall area and what kind of security they have there. My girls are 14 now and they have been going to the mall together and with a friend for almost 2 years now. We have had no problems. It is indoors but they have security, there are areas to get help if needed and it is not known for having problems. A friend of mine will not let her 13 yr old go because the mall closest to them is known for trouble.

Definitely depends on the mall. What's the vibe? As a compromise, can you bring her to the mall but then let her do her thing for two hours and then meet back up with you? And does she have a cell phone?

Unless it's in a sketchy/bad area, then yes. My kids were babysitting other peoples' children at that age, in their homes, at night. They certainly knew how to behave in a mall (or a movie theater, library, store, etc.) and not get into trouble there.
Of course I guess SOME malls have rules about teenagers loitering, but ours doesn't. I actually WORKED at the mall as a teen, and we hung out there all the time. It was safe, contained and air conditioned so it was a popular place to be!

I think it's okay. 13 is old enough to stay out of trouble and most malls have beefed up security nowadays especially on weekends. She's also going to be with friends, I doubt anyone is going to abduct all three of them! I think the media attention given to a few cases makes everyone feel like this is such a dangerous world. It's actually probably safer than when I grew up. I recall wandering around the mall by myself at 11 (my dad had a store in the mall...but it was a big mall)

It' wouldn't be a problem for me.

This is the third time I have tried to post this...

Yes, I'd have let her go, and I'd be somewhere close by. Not with them or interfering but close enough that if they needed me it would only take a minute to get there.

They have to grow up at some point so I try to find a balance between my need to protect them, and their need for independence.

I've posted about this before. I have a friend in mall management. If security finds teens there unsupervised, they are brought to the office and their parents are called. You can't drop minors off there to just hang out. There needs to be a parent somewhere on the premises. Malls can be dangerous places, and unsupervised kids can cause trouble at malls.

At 13, yes. Make sure she has her phone and stays with her friends.

Depends on the area. One mall around here - no way. Another one, sure. Both are inside though and I'd stay since both are a drive. The "bad" one is about 45 minutes and the one we go to is about 90 minutes...so yes, I'd let her at 13 go with her friends. They all have phones now (they are 10 and 11) and are good girls. So I'd trust them, but make them stay together 100% of the time.

An OUTDOOR mall? No way.

13 is too young to drive so how would they get there? If an adult was taking them, the girls could stay together and check in with the adult every 90 mins or something. I was babysitting at 13, so if she's relatively mature, then why not? Obviously some malls are known for being sketchy, so if that's the case with this particular mall then you might say no. 13 is definitely old enough to understand the limits you give her and keep her behavior within them. You want her to have some real world experience and street smarts before she leaves home in 5 more years, right? Start small...with the local mall...not really alone, but with safe friends and a reliable adult to provide transportation and check ins.

Back in the day when my daughter, now 26, was that age I did allow it, NOW no way. I worked at our local mall for about 4 yrs. I get it most people at the mall are great people but honestly very creepy people hang out at the mall. While I was working there an employee of another store walked out of work and was grabbed and thrown into the trunk of a car.

I get it these kids want to go to the mall and have fun. But go with them and keep them in sight. You don't have to go into every store with them or sit with them at the food court but stay close by. You could have one of the other moms or a friend go along so you have someone to talk to and shop with but I would never let my kids go to the mall alone again.

Not to scare you but if something did happen how long would it take for you to be notified? If one of the girls was assulted or kidnapped or heaven forbid someone opened fire at the mall it could take hours for you to get any information. If none of the girls had a cell phone and one girl got hurt or went missing you might not know until they didn't come home on time.

I allowed my daughter to go with friends on condition that they stay together at all times. If one went to the bathroom, they all went. If one stopped to buy a coke, they all stopped.

Many, many malls, including outdoor malls, have the policies people have mentioned, about no teens under a certain age left to roam on their own. Remind her that malls and stores are private property - not public property; there is no "right" to be in any mall or store. Too many teens and their parents forget that fact and forget that any mall or store can order anyone to leave.

I think you made the right call. An outdoor mall (what I'd call a "strip mall") generally does not have a lot of security, and when it does -- like one near our house -- it usually indicates there have been issues there in the past, as at the one near our house and some others I know of.

"Hanging out" in spaces like malls and stores is asking for trouble and isn't a creative use of kids' time. I've had friends who found that letting kids have too much free rein on hanging out at places like malls etc. ended up with the kids meeting up with other kids the parents didn't want them hanging with; or the kids would leave the property and "just go next door to the other shops" etc. without understanding why that would be a problem in the adults' minds. Malls are for shopping, which can be fun, but not for hours of endless hangout. At 13, that can happen at home or the kids can come up with something else better to do.

Thank you for posting this question. This and others like it are good reminders of how times, and sensibilities have changed.

I grew up in NYC and am a child of the 70s. We lived in a 1 bed walk up on a 12 land blvd above a dry cleaner and a supermarket. I was about 5 years old when I would be given money and asked to fetch a 6 pack of beer and smokes for my father and uncle unescorted (no one batted an eye). At 7ish, I was allowed to ride my bike with other kids to the playground without supervision (I had a quarter in my sock and knew how to use the payphone). At 8, I was escorting other kids to school. At 11 I was taking the subway alone to and from violin lessons. At 13 I was traveling to the Bronx and back daily for HS, visiting friends in Brooklyn, and hanging out in parks, museums and fast food joints (the coffee shop/ internet cafe thing didn't really exist then).

Are malls/ outdoor malls really that scary? What might go wrong? What are they shopping for? What kind of trouble could she cause?

No hint of sarcasm, I really want to have a better understanding of your concerns, and keep them as a reference as our child grows older.

Best,
F. B.

No. What's the point of going to a public place to be a bump on a log? At this age, she doesn't need to be encouraged to do that. If there is no real purpose to being there, then she doesn't need to be there. Even when I was a kid, that never made sense to me.

Our mall used to have many teens/tweens dropped off. After many issues of misconduct and shoplifting, the mall made it known that no one under 16 would be allowed in unaccompanied by an adult. I was in the mall one Friday night when things got tense between the teens and the mall security -- not pretty.

So check with your mall security or office to find out what their rules are.

If your daughter has not been out and about on her own, then may be the baby steps to independence not just throw her out to the wolves so to speak at the mall. Rehearse what ifs for her to practice.

Good luck. The independence has begun.

the other S.