What to Do for Family That Lost Dad?

D., I had a friend in that situation last year. Her ex was still the father of her 4 kids so she did take it hard because the children did. My advice is to send gift cards for food or clothes or just send a check so they can get what they need. My friend was at a loss because of child support issues until his social security kicked in for the kids. God bless and be with your friend and her family at this time.

Maybe if you ask your friend what her son's best friend and he like to do, you could fund a special trip/excursion for them to go on together. I remember when I was that age, my best friend was my biggest support system. If you're friend's son would like to spend the night at a museum with his best buddy and explore the museum at night, that might be a good distraction and could ignite an interest in him. My husband lost his mom at age 7 and going to Dodgers games with his grandma really helped him, but baseball or sports may remind him of his father's absence. Perhaps something totally new would be a welcome introduction at the moment. Since your friend lives up north, you might be able to arrange a special tour with the Lucasfilm people (Star Wars), since they are located up there, and just opened the Letterman Digital Arts Center. Then again, a trust fund is a special long-term gift. Just trying to give some ideas, but of course, it's a tragic situation.

Hi D.,

My condolences to your friend and her young son.

You might want to pick up a book for her son. The Fall of Freddy the Leaf is a nice children's book that explains death to children through a leaf's life on a tree.

If you like to do crafts, you might put together a book of cards and rememberances from people that knew your friend's ex-husband and put them in a scrapbook for his son for him to look at and read in the coming years.

You sound like such a nice friend, to be so concerned. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you in her life to help her and her son through this time.

Take care,
L.

I love the photo idea if you happen to have any.

I've unfortunately lost several friends who lived quite a distance from me, and was unable (or unwilling) to head to the funeral. What I've done in the past is to get a gift-card to a local take/out delivery restaurant and tuck it in the card to the family. Food they don't have to cook, and won't go bad. (Ahem, I've also sent scotch in the mail...but that's one of those dicey things, in how appropriate it would be considered). While your friend *may* have wished her ex dead at least a few times, she's still likely to be having a hard time, both for herself and definitely for her son. Not having to cook at least a night or two might be a godsend. Very few people think of the ex in these circumstances. Even if the ex is dealing with a grief wracked child 24/7.

For a different friend who was killed and who had children, several of us opened up a college savings acct. for friends/family to donate money into. Anyone can DEPOSIT money into any acct after all. The bank helped us set it up. In this case there was no life insurance payout, although his estate/will DID cover funeral expenses, child support and alimony was *poof* gone.

My condolences, and best wishes
R

This happened to my friend and her son (he was a highschool student at the time though, so he was a little older than your friend's son). I wrote them each a lengthy, personal letter, to express my condolences. In the son's letter, I talked alot about my memories of him with his dad, and invited him to share some with me as well, saying that I would love to honor his dad's memory by helping him to keep it alive in my heart. He and I have a close relationship- he is like a nephew to me and I just felt so bad for him. I also reached out to him again, a few mos later, as some others have suggested.
I really like the ideas that have been suggested here (food/restaurant cards, financial assistance account).

There is a company that makes fruit arrangements that look like flower arrangements. They have locations all over and will deliver it. The fruit is delicious and won't go to waste like the flowers will. I am sure that this must be very hard for your friend as well even if he was her ex.

The fruit can be pricey so if you don't want to spend the
money, you can donate money in the name of the father to a good cause. The place that you donated to will forward it on to the family. Regardless of what you do, you should definitely send a card. When I lost my mom 10 years ago, I remember those that acknowledged her death and those that didn't. Trust me, a card with heart felt sympathies will let everyone know how much you care and that is all they really need at this time.

Here is the web address if you do want to use the fruit.

http://www.ediblearrangements.com/

Bless you D. for being so kind. I have had food sent. Honey Baked Ham has many different meals that they send to the home, and they have a large menu. It has worked out very well. There are many leftovers as well, and all the food is really delicious. I'm sure you could find other places to order from as well. Hope this helps,
V.

Maybe send him a little care package. Send him a neat journal with some cool pens so he can journal memories about his dad when he is missing him. Along of course with maybe some candies?

Hi D.,
If the father was a personal friend maybe you can put together a scrap book of pictures from the years you knew him (or your husband knew him) for his son and write his son a letter about the things you did together. My mother did that for the grandchildren when her husband died. They were all to young to remember him so she made them all scrapbooks with pictures of them with Grandpa, etc.

Also, keep in touch with him, remember his birthday,etc.

Hope this helps.

I second the ideas of sending a restaurant gift card and pic/story of the father. But, I would go one step further...

Take a moment to put a reminder (or two or three) on your calendar to send a loving note or gift at three months, six months, nine months after the funeral. The bereaved are often inundated with good wishes and offers of help right after their loss but there's noboday to offer support for the long term. Be that person.

Good luck...

Here where I live, there are many Asian cultures... in Asian culture, you give the family money. It is to help with all and everything, once their loved one has departed. It is to help with the financial "burden."

As Riley mentioned, a great idea is to set up a fund for their son. That way, anyone can help and donate into it.
That is what many families do... or as a community that wants to help the family and the remaining child.
That way, their son can have some financial "future" and college, necessities etc.
Perhaps, put the suggestion to your friend.

That would be my suggestion.
All the best,
Susan

So sorry for your friend's loss. Do you have any nice pictures of the boy and his father together? You could make a really nice photo book, collage or enlarged framed photo for him. It would be a really nice keepsake and a special way to remember a great dad.

Do you know if they have any uncles or other close male friends that live near them. In a few months, it might be nice to work with someone to arrange some special activities for the boy to do with another adult male - buy them tickets to a baseball game, send him a model airplane kit that they could build together, etc. Obviously, no one can replace his father, but it would be great for him to have another strong male role model.

Hi D.,

What my friends and I did (we were all far away from a friend) was to call the family's favorite restaurants (that deliver) and had dinners brought to them....also a note was given (most of the restaurants were happy to do this when we explained the situation) so the family knew who had sent the dinner. So sorry for your friends loss..

C. C.

My dad died when I was 3 - Aside from the few memories I have, what I treasure most are the stories his friends and co-workers have told me over the years. I wish they had written letters to my little brother and me with the stories because then I could have read them over and over. Thank you so much for reaching out - that little boy is lucky his mom has friends who care so much!

Maybe you can send a small tree - if they live somewhere they can plant the tree in his father's name? Or...depending on how this 8 y/o is, maybe a journal or memory book he can eventually create with memories of his father? This is such a loss for him and I am glad you recognize how much this will effect him...you are a good friend.

I wonder if the boy would like any memories you have of his dad, or your thoughts on how much he loved him, what kinds of things they did together through the years, etc. I'm guessing that the memories would be more valuable in the long term than any "thing" you could send.

Your presence is greatly appreciated and that's what a lot of those with lost loved ones want most. It's your presence and your support. Sorry for your friend's loss...

God Bless

Does the family have a garden? The gift of a tree or plant for rememberance is a heartfelt idea. If you know their climate zone, you could give a lasting memory.
I'll pray especially for the boy, and hope that he knows that his father's love will always remain in his heart.

T. T.