When Did You Talk to Your Daughter About Getting Her Period?

Updated on January 05, 2012
K.W. asks from Surprise, AZ
18 answers

Hi there Mamas. I have a 9 year old daughter that is already showing signs of puberty. She is a little heavy and has had little boobies for a few years and has some pubic hair. I was 11 when I got my period so I wonder when I need to have the talk with my little girl. I am afraid that she will get it soon and be scared. Can anyone recommend any good books or websites to help me explain what will happen to her?

I should also mention that I had a uterine ablation 6 years ago and she likely has no memory of seeing me on my period. So it is not like I can reference it when speaking to her. Thanks in advance. I can hardly believe I am asking this question, it seems like just yesterday she was in diapers!

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

I talked with both of mine at 9. Just be honest. There's no perfect way to talk about this. I bought books before and they beat around the bush a lot. I just shared about the cycles and to expect it and I let them know exactly what to do. One of mine started at 11. My second daughter is now 11 and hasn't even started developing yet. They're so different but I still told them both at 9. Perfect age. She'll start soon if she's already getting pubic hair. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I remember when I was 9 years old and my mom took me for an overnight girl night and showed me a book about how my body will change and periods and stuff. I can't remember the book, but I was 11 when I got my first period. My daughter is almost 7 and I have been thinking about talking to her about it soon. She has been asking me what tampons are for, lol!

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I started talking with my daughter, now 9, as soon as she started asking questions, about age 3 :-) Truly, we've had many many conversations already about periods, puberty, sex, babies, et al...

I used the books "Isn't it Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie Harris as one guide. She now has the American Girl "The Care and Keeping of You" collection of books and she has read them intently and they have raised good questions that she has brought to me.

If your daughter has pubic hair already, don't wait another day to have this talk with her. Many girls are now getting their periods at 9 and 10. My mother DID try to talk with me and I still was totally freaked out when my period started at school and I had NO idea how to handle it. I didn't even tell my mom until I got it the second time, just stuffed toilet paper in my undies and pretended it hadn't happened. I don't want that for my daughter.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Get the current version of the American Girls Book (when we got it, it was called Care and Keeping of You) and sit down with her about it. I would start talking with her now, as she is likely to start in the next couple of years. Keep pads in the bathroom where she knows she can get them at any time. Sites like Always have mom and daughter info: http://www.always.com/mom/

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✪.P.

answers from Chicago on

I told my daughter when she turned 9 yrs. old. She is now ten, but doesn't get her period yet. She has the books/journals by American Girl that cover topics such as this. She will go in her room sometimes and pull it out to look at and sometimes I join her to see what chapter she's reading. Sometimes I bring up the word pads or tampons in conversation to make it sound just normal part of life. (ie... "oh I have to get tampons down this isle and then we can check out.") And that also makes her see the selection in stores so the whole thing isn't intimidating when the time comes when she starts getting her period, but I do not talk about the choices while I am grabbing my brand.

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I started comunicating with my daughter when she was a toddler about age appropriate body issues, etc.

She was in 1st grade when I had my complete hysterectomy and she I explained what was happening to her level.. we've always had a strong comunication bond.

In the 4th grade, at our elementary schools, the nurse comes in and talks to the girls because some moms don't or are too embarrassed to do so.

Open those lines of communication now, talk about her changing body, changing moods, what to expect when she first starts her period and if it happens at school the school nurses are completely prepared for this. She should no there is no shame with having her cycle start, her body begin to mature. This is a critical age and you want to help them have good self esteem.

If you don't feel comfortable talking one on one... then talk while you are driving so you don't see her eye to eye or walk in the park. Asnwer her questions the best you can and if you don't know the answer, find out.

Keep in mind that the more you talk, the more she will come to you and wouldn't you prefer her to learn all about the facts from you vs hearsay from girls/boys at school! Believe me, you'll appreciate the bond when she is 17 because she'll need you even more, even though she'll hate you at times.

I've heard that the Care and Keeping of You by American Girl is a good book. I sent off for a booklet from Playtex and saved that for my daughter. We read it together.

Also, she'll probably ask to use tampons and it is ok... they make them so girls can have a life while having a cycle.

Good luck to you... they grow up way too fast!!

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Most girls are a lot more aware now then we were when I was young. I remember the school nurse coming to talk to us -- just the girls. We went to the gym and had a meeting with a film and books to explain our changing bodies. But that was in the mid '60's.
You could call the school nurse and or the library and see what books are available. Then just pick a time to talk to her. Answer her questions and leave it open ended so she feels free to ask questions later. Show her where the 'supplies' are and let herknow they are there for her use also.

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-American-Girl-Library/...
My kids have this book and my oldest pulled it out to help her put in a tampon recently, although she had been using pads for over about 2 years. We sort of have an open door bathroom policy since potty days, so they have seen me change panti liners and pads and seen boxes of tampons. As toddlers they asked what they were and I answered. I also told them that when "you get to be a much bigger girl your body makes a little nest for a baby in your belly and if mommy and daddy do not make a baby then the nest gets cleaned out and that comes with some blood". In 5th grade they get separated and get biology lessons about what is happening, allong with samples of pads and deodorant, but all along we have simply talked about it here and there. Not ONE BIG TALK, but lots of little inquiries over the years. They would ask "does it hurt", or "how do you know it will start", etc. I would also ask the librarian at your local library since they have many different books. This one worked for my kids, but there is even a cartoon one with a bird and a bee guiding you through the lesson. Recently I bought two really good books on Amazon: the first is just called SEX, and the second is call "100 questions you would never ask your parents". They are both more for high school students but before you know it, she will be grown up!

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J.✰.

answers from San Antonio on

i am big on reading reviews. Get on amazon.com and type in 'girl puberty' and then narrow your search for items that have 4+ stars. Then read reviews in the books. There are tons out there, so that's my best advice regarding narrowing your search for the best books.

Have you seen the movie My Girl? There's a bit in there where the girl Veda gets her period. She runs from the bathroom yelling that she's hemmoraging (sp?) and Jamie Lee Curtis tells her about becoming a woman. You don't get to hear what JLCurtis says to her, but later, Veda tells her friend McCauly Kulkin (sp?) "...and don't come back for 5-7 days!" Cute flick. Maybe that could help spark that conversation with your daughter. Ask her if she knows what they're talking about in that scene of the movie.

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C.R.

answers from Kansas City on

I first talked to my daughter when she was nine, but in 5th grade the school went into more details. I talked to her even more after that lesson because it kinda freaked her out. We also got her the book, The Care and Keeping of You. It talks about all kinds of things which made it easier to talk to her about all kinds of stuff.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

I started talking to my daughter about her body from the beginning! We used the real words for the body parts.

When my daughter was 7 - we started talking about things - as she noticed things in the bathroom and wanted to know what they were used for. In simple terms I told her. Kept it VERY simple and easy.

I would cut out all processed foods....seriously...have her eat more healthily...get away from milk that has hormones in it - that will help with the weight as well. Yes, organic milk is more expensive, however, without all the processed hormones, you will be surprised at how much weight comes off her.

As to books? "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" is good. I can't remember some of the others I read.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

My daughter learned about periods when she was four and walked into the bathroom while I was changing a tampon.

You don't need a book - just explain to her what it is and why it happens.

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

3rd grade when she was 8. Our elementary school even spoke with all of the girls about it in 3rd grade.. Get the American Girl Book about their bodies,.. It will guide you.

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E.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Talk to her now. It always amazes me how many parents do not talk to their girls. I have had several 7th graders start during school and be very embarrassed about it. I also hear silly rumors about it that kids tell each other. Make sure she is informed before another child informs her for you.

J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

My youngest is 8. My older two are 13 and 12. My 12 year old has already started.

I started talking to all my girls about their bodies when they were 5 or 6. I only told them what they needed to know at that age and answered questions they had. My older two know about their periods and how babies are made and the whole shabang. The younger knows about her period and some other things. (She's this close to knowing the whole shabang.)

I say get the book by American Girl "The Care and Keeping of You." All my girls have a copy of it and they love it!

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J.J.

answers from Phoenix on

I would have a talk with her as soon as possible. Knowledge is a good thing. I had my daughter wear a pad around the house on a weekend just so she would know what it's like before she really needed it. It takes some of the fear out of it. Maybe tell her too that maybe one of her friends will start and won't know what to do if their mom hasn't talked to them and she can help them. There are many books out there. I found it helpful to go to the bookstore to thumb through the books to actually see what was talked about. But, not as many bookstores around with a good selection on that topic.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

The "American Girl" book series.
Good books for this age.

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G.A.

answers from Phoenix on

We got my daughters this book... http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Girls/dp/... and we got our sons the one for boys too.

That way they could get the correct information about things and if they had more questions they could come to hubby or myself for more answers.

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