I have a dilemma on deciding which one of our kids gets the larger room in a new house we just rented. We our selling our larger home that had a living and family room down stairs that we turned into computer and art station and we also had a bonus room upstairs to watch tv in. Now the rental home we are moving into only has living and . separate family room off the kitchen to make into the tv/computer/workout room. Which I'm fine with and actually glad to be down sizing. But here's the dilemma: this house is an older home but its pretty nice all in all so that means the two bedrooms that aren't the master are diffrent sizes. The 1st one is smaller and has a med size closet, but the other one is bigger (not a whole lot, but it is bigger) and has 2 closets that are just a little smaller then the 1st bedroom's medium closet. Now I want to be fair but also logical and practical in making the decision. My husband and I dont agree or see eye to eye on this situation either. So I need other input from parents. Our 15 yr old already claimed "dibs" on the bigger bedroom and my husband agreed to it without all of us discussing it. And in most cases or diffrent circumstances I would have to agree. Older kid gets bigger room its perks of being the oldest, but in our case my 8 yr old has more stuff and actually plays in her room. They both have these wall units with color bins and shelves with a desk area we built for them. But my youngest has a separate book shelf for all her kid books that she reads and she has this almost 5ft tall wooden barbie house that I keep In her closet so it don't take up floor space and she plays with it all the time. I also put 2 extra shelves in her closet to keep smaller totes on for barbie clothes accessories ect. And for things like her large bin of the big sized legos and the a big round container of tinker toys. Her stuffed animals we have downsized to only 2 shelf spaces of her only most favorite ones. I have gotten rid of a lot of her toys, and have condensed and organized what she does have. So she has a place for everything and with the wall unit she has floor space to play ded3with the toys that we have kept. In our old house I had to put my youngest daughters dresser in the hall by laundry room, cause the barbie house and toys needed a place to go. But in this new rental I will have to put her dresser back In her room again. Which also will take up more space. So she has 3 large pieces of furniture more then her15yr old sister does. But I am getting my oldest a full sized bed that she needs and getting rid of the crappy old queen mattress that use to be mine. But she doesn't have toys and doesn't have so many books that can't go on her wall unit, she doesn't have a dresser cause I planned on putting up closet shelving for her. She has a lot of small possessions vs. her sister having the larger stuff. And she can put all that stuff on her wall unit. And another point I might add is that she doesn't hang out in her room much other then for sleeping, putting on makeup and doing homework. She usually is on the computer in the family room or watching tv while she is doing her drawings. So what would you parents do if in my situation? I need to make a decision in a couple days because I am going to start painting before we move in and I need to repaint both of their rooms to coordinate with their decor. My youngest was so heartbroken that I finally was able to after Christmas decorate and paint her room Like her big sis did. And now we have to move. But thankfully landlord gave me the ok to paint. I really want to be fair and make everyone happy. But I don't always agree that just because your older you should automatically get the larger room. Considering all the aspects of the situation. I think my youngest should get the larger room because she has larger stuff and she actually plays on her room. But my oldest she doesn't spend a whole lot of time in her room as of now and next year she will be 16 and probably driving and working a little to pay for driving. she'll be off to the mall or wherever teens hang out with their friends these days. I'm thinking ahead to the future, because if I have to paint and remount wall units and I want to only do it once. And if my older kid won't be at home as Much as the youngest in a year or 2 anyway. so I don't see the point of giving her the bigger room if " I" will have to redo do it and switch rooms in a year or 2. So your opionions, advice, and experience is greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read.
We will be in this rental till the youngest graduates high-school.
I'm am reading your responses and taking them in. The majority seems to agree with older one gets bigger room. I appreciate your folk's input and diffrent incite to the situation. Keep em coming I'm really interested in your opinions. Please know I'm not trying to choose furniture or a barbie house over my oldest or rewarding my youngest with toys. Books on a book shelf, and dresser and 1 large toy of a barbie house that actually use to be for my oldest daughters too. And trust me, my 15yr has toys over her own. hers are just more expensive. Like I said her possessions are smaller and will fit on her wall unit. My issues about it is more about my oldest doesn't spend a lot of time in her room that she has now, in the large house we have to sell.shehangs out in computer/art room or is reading her books downstairs on the couch or dawing on couch watching tv. When her friends do come over there isn't a whole lot of hanging in her room. But my youngest does play in her room a lot, and reads and watches movies, and plays with friends in her room. And she has the three extra largest pieces of furniture then her sister does. I'm just throwing that out there. Because those reasons are what is making the decision difficult for me. If my oldest spent as much time in her room as my youngest did then it really wouldn't be a big debate. We won't allow her to have a computer in her her room to use it privately. Otherwise we would never see her come out of her room.
Teenager
reasons:
1) All this going on and on about how much more stuff the little one has makes me think she's already spoiled, favored, how ever you want to put it.
2) You need to back dad and his decisions
3) She is the big sister. There are new responsibilites coming her way all the time. There are supposed to be some perks that go along with it.
4) The little one needs to hear the word NO every once in a while.
Give it to the younger one with the toys. The older one probably will appreciate that the younger one is occupied in a separate space
Sorry, but it is no question in my mind, part of being the oldest is you get the better stuff - in this case bigger room. I do not understand the debate here. Plus, if you are renting you will probably NOT be in this home in a few years.
I would also point out, while you are planning "for the future" that your older daughter may very well have friends over and want some privacy, and my begin hanging out in her bedroom with her friends, as they all get more "mobile" with transportation.
You said you are downsizing your home overall, so perhaps your older daughter may naturally gravitate to a more private space to do her drawing. She's 15, and having friends over to "do hair" and "do nails" and "do makeup" in the privacy of her bedroom might become more prominent activities for her. They might not... but they might. At 15, they are all still having to have mom/dad drive them around. In a year... they may not need that and you might have a lot more visits from her friends.
She also may want privacy in her room for other things. At her age, I was doing exercise videos (well, when I was her age, there weren't really videos, it was more like cassette tapes, lol) and work-outs in my bedroom with the stereo on. I wouldn't have been caught dead doing that in a family area of the house. And jumping around to music requires SPACE.
Just another angle to think about...
Older kid was there first... she gets the bigger room.
The older child get to choose.
And she has. End of story.
Younger O. can have it when she moves out.
But for some reason, you seem hell-bent on your way, so I wonder why you're even asking for opinions.
Maybe your 8 year old has too much stuff?
Choosing a Barbie house over your teenager (which is how shell see it, and honestly, I do as well even though I can also see your side) is setting the next 3 years up for a fall. And making the 15 yo feel shoved out and unimportant by sticking her in a little room because she's leaving... Honestly, it's a good way to guarantee she stays away (at friends) and that she gets a lifelong (or years long) resentment toward your youngest. Assuming she doesn't hate her little sister, I wouldn't light that match!
It's a couple days worth of work to redo. A couple days, versus years and years of bitterness, hurt feelings, and a wedge in 2 relationships (mother/daughter and sister/sister) just would NOT be worth it to me.
In 3 years, trade rooms when eldest goes to college. A room for her to come home to in break, and the big room for your 11 year old. Right of passage handoff.
ALTERNATIVELY... You and hubby could have the little room. If that rankles, times it by 10 for how your teen will feel. If it doesn't (since you have the rst of the house) then go for it. Kid A in master, kid b in big room, parents in little room/rest of house.
I think that the teenager should get the bigger room.
Why? Because being older SHOULD come with perks. And the younger one should see that. When your teen moves out, the younger one will be excited to "take over" that space because they'll then be the oldest in the house.
It doesn't matter who has bigger stuff, really. You can make either room work. What matters is who is getting preference for the "good stuff," like the bigger room, the front seat in the car, the bigger allowance....all should be for the older child.
ETA: I also agree with many of the posters below: It sounds like you're rewarding your younger child for having more toys. Sounds to me like you have a favorite and aren't afraid to fight for her to have more/better stuff. Be careful with that....
Older kid = bigger room.
Let your younger daughter move some toys like the Barbie house into the tv/computer/workout room.
Paint the bigger room in something that your younger daughter would be able to adapt to in a few years, and when your older daughter goes off to school or moves out, your younger can take that room and your older can come home to the smaller room if she's living at school.
I just do not why you are trying to justify a reason to give it tothe younger one. You know in your heart that the older one should get this room. This is obvious. I agree any additional toys the 8 year old has should go in the multi room.
I think the older one should get the bigger room as well. The scenario that you are advocating is basically rewarding your younger daughter for having more toys. Believe me, this is the sort of thing that can cause lifelong resentment between sisters.
Maybe you can make a deal with your daughters - the younger one can get the big room when the older one moves out and they both have to help you make the switch so that the work of mounting wall units and painting (or whatever) isn't all on you. You could also have your older girl help you get the rooms ready now as part of the deal.
Don't take this wrong but it seems like you're just trying to justify a decision you've already made. I don't agree at all. There may be other things at play here besides space and stuff.
1. Your oldest wants the larger room.
2. She is a teenager, she will likely be out of the house in time for her sister to enjoy the larger room for a few years.
3. Your husband already said she could have it. (big one in my book)
4. If she really wants it but you let the younger one have it it sends a message that you WANT the younger one to have it. It seems clear from your post that's true.
In our house being oldest comes with responsibilities and perks. Anytime we can reward my big girl for being a great role model and taking care of her little sister we do. The baby of the family gets other advantages and she'll get her sisters room with en suite bathroom when she goes off to college.
Be careful about saying over and over how your oldest doesn't use her room. You may just push her into it. There is nothing I love more than the fact that both my girls would rather hang out upstairs with my husband and I. They both have lovely rooms, for sleeping.
I would give the bigger room to your 15 year old, it wouldn't be open for any debate.
Let the 15 year old have the bigger room...then when she is 18 and moves on to college or whatever, the younger one (who will then be 11) can move into the bigger room. Or let the younger one get the bigger room for turning 13, or whatever (so depending what you do, it's still 3 to 5 years away). Just have a discussion with the 2 of them so they know what to expect and hopefully there's no hurt feelings.
Our family had the same exact situation happen when i was kid. 2 bedrooms - one was huge and the other tiny. I, the younger child, needed the larger room because i still had a ton of toys and played in there. My older sister got the little room. How did my mother manage to pull this off without any tears or complaining from my (very bratty) older sister? The small room came with a tv! Deal done, no complaints, never any regret. You can totally sell this to your older daughter. Whether it be investing a couple hundred on a flat screen that can be mounted to the wall (and she can take it to college with her in 2 years), letting her paint and design her room, or some other weak point she might have - you can help the correct decision to be made. If that fails, tell her the younger sister will have to keep her dresser in the larger room because there just isn't enough space.
After reading some of the responses, I'm rather taken aback by those who say the oldest gets to choose, period, end of story. I hope by oldest they mean the people who are paying the rents, aka the parents.
Haven't read your responses but if it were my house, the oldest gets the larger room until she flies the coop. Younger one moves into it once she's gone.
The older child shouldn't get the larger room simply by the accident of being born first. That's actually not fair. The teen didn't do anything to earn it and it's not logical for her to have the bigger room simply because she's older.
If the younger child will actually use the bigger room more, has more things, will appreciate having the bigger room, then the younger child should get the bigger room. You're also thinking ahead to when your eldest will spend even less time at home and in her room than she already is... and it won't be long after that when she'll be working and taking college classes and possibly going away for college. Then moving out. Your younger child is going to be home for a lot longer.
It's an easy decision to me.
We gave our youngest the bigger room because 1. in our last house the older one had the bigger room. 2. the younger one has more toys and plays in her room. 3. the younger one will be living with us longer.
And the older one being older totally understood our decision and didn't fight us on it.
No dilemma unless you make it one. The oldest gets the room she picked out and was approved by dad.
Baby sister can get the smaller one. Time for little sis to have some stuff removed. Does she really play with everything all the time? Do you have a garage that you can put things in? If so you can rotate them so that she is not bored.
At this point in time, it is important that a teen have their space and become an adult. She has earned the room by being first and you are trying to take it away for baby. Wow call that a sign that you are not wanted and to leave as soon as you are 18. Remember actions speak louder than words.
I hope you can let your rationale go and let big sis have the bigger room. If little sis has the bigger room be prepared for many strained relationships between the three of you in teh future. It may take as many as 10 to 20 years to repair between siblings if ever.
The other S.
In our family, the older child gets the privilege of the larger room. If she was already away at college, and not really "living" with you, I'd say differently but don't push her out of the nest a few years before it happens. My 17 has the bigger room, and my 13 won't be moving into his sister's room when she leaves for college. I'm not looking for her to feel pushed out and don't want her to find reason not to feel welcome or like it's not still her home on those college summer breaks and winter monthlong vacations.
I understnd your you problem I really do. I read through your question a few times before I answered. Its hard to agive the best answer for your problem without know the size of your new place, the layout or the personality of your girls. But I will give it my best go anyway.
The VERY first thing I would do is take your 15 your old out for ice cream (or whatever she likes) just the 2 of you and ASK her in a very nice way if how she would feel about taking the smaller room. Because you never know. She might not care, or she might like the smaller room better for whatever reasons. IF however she wants the bigger room and shows sings of being upset over not getting it I STRONGLY feel it should got to her.
She will be 16 soon, you will want her to get a job, keep her grades up, and start to drive her sister around.I feel all that responsibility gets the reword of more space. That's why you and your hubby get the Master, you work for it, you pay for it you get first bids on where your space is.
I am the "Little Sister", and my brother got the bigger room until he moved out to go away to school. That's just the way it was, and I NEVER felt pushed out or unloved or resented my Brother for it. When he went to school I Panted his room, ripped out the carpets and make the place 100% mine. The only thing that botherd him about this was that when he came home he had to sleep in my old room...witch was still pink :)
All this being said, it kinda upset my for your 15 your old. You seem to be very focused on your younger daughters Stuff. and in the end stuff is just stuff. It will be replaced at some point with other things as she gets older, but she only has one sister. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, and I know its hard NOT to be focused on stuff during a move, but downsizing is going to be h*** o* everyone. Making a new home is going to be hard. Are you moving the girls away from there school and friends? If so the move might be harder for your older girl. Making her feel safe and loved might be more important than where your going to fit all the stuff. I hate that that sounds harsh, because my heart goes out to you!!
The only other option I can see here is to move both the girls into the bigger room togather and make the smaller room a toy/ hang out space. But truth be tolled I am not a a fan of this. I think everyone needs there own space, but it IS another option.
Ok this was longer than I had wanted so to sum up. Take your older girl out just the 2 of you, and Just TALK to her about how she feels about the move and see if you can get a feel for if she has any strong feelings one way or the other. You never know, she might understand and is willing to give her littler sister the bigger room!
Best of look and warm wishes for your your new place
Blessings
S.
I didn't even bother reading all the details. The Teen gets the bigger room, hands down period.
Downsize the 8 yr old to less stuff.
If you're older you AUTOMATICALLY get the larger room. It's called paying your dues...the 8 yr old will LOVE moving into the new room when she turns 12 and the teen goes away to college.
Probably not what you wanted to hear huh?
Good luck to you.
I would have a hard time too...but, maybe sit down with the whole family and do a pro/con list of each one. Do you have to keep the living room just a living room? Could the younger girl have a corner to use for her Barbie house or her totes that you have on the shelves in the room she has now?
Another option for one or both kids is to do a loft style bed. These are relatively inexpensive and keep the floor open but give storage. I know that when I was in college these were a life saver!! How else would you get 2 people and all their stuff in one room. Or, maybe you could "bribe" the older one with a loft is she lets the younger one have the big room.
Don't worry about fairness. This is about practicality. If your 8 year old has more/bigger stuff, and spends more time in her room, then she gets the room. Period. It makes no sense to cram more stuff into the smaller room.
I've had three teenagers. They don't like most of what you do anyway, so don't worry about it. Just tell her sorry, but your sister has more stuff and spends more time in her room, so she gets the bigger room. And you are right, once they drive and work, they don't spend much time in their room anyway.
15 yr old gets the bigger room.
The younger one will have something to look forward to.
You are thinking about all the stuff the younger one is into right now, but she'll be outgrowing doll houses soon and her taste in toys will change.
She won't be needing the wall units and toy storage bins forever and I've never thought having your child sleeping in the middle of their 'toy warehouse empire' was a good idea.
Down size the '"stuff" now for everyone.
It really does sound like you favor your younger child.
Is it a baby of the family thing?
Your older one is still your child even though she's growing up and becoming more independent.
Riley's idea of you and Dad in the smallest room isn't bad.
I don't think the older one should automatically get the bigger room, it really should be about a demonstrated NEED for space. That's my opinion.
My girlfriend's kids just traded bedrooms for this very reason, and it's working out much better.
But I'm afraid there's no way you're going to make everyone happy. Someone WILL be disappointed in this situation, but that's life :(
i was going to respond but it kinda sounds as if you have already decided and are more looking for back-up to give the bigger room to the younger girl.
khairete
S.
I haven't read the responses but I agree with you. I know that being oldest comes with certain responsibilities as well as rewards HOWEVER this is a matter of practicality not perks.
If it were me, I would make a drawing of each room to scale. Then cut out furniture pieces to scale as well. Actually some of the home improvement websites have apps for designing rooms that you could use and then just print out each option. Have a family meeting presenting both rooms done with each child's furniture in place. You will all see first hand which will fit better and make the most sense for each room. You may find that the younger one in the smaller room will work fine or you may see your suspicions are correct and it is not a possibility.
Should you be correct in the youngest needing the bigger room perhaps offer up a special "reward" for your oldest compromising and giving the younger one the bigger room.
In the end being a family requires compromising for the well being of EVERY member of the family. Sometimes we must concede and make what may appear to be a sacrifice to accommodate another member of the family. It seems most unfair to me to automatically assume the oldest gets the bigger room just because she was born first. That's just ridiculous to me. It should not be about age but about comfort. Why should the younger one be stuck in a room that contains more furniture than her sister's and leaves her no place to actually play with her stuff? Especially since your oldest doesn't spend any time in her room now. In two years she will be gone to college while your youngest will still be home. I would not want to have to spend more money in such a short amount of time to redo the rooms.
FYI, we also have two daughters, ages 6 and 2. Recently we swapped their rooms moving my oldest to the smaller bedroom. The nursery required more space than the smaller room allowed for because the baby's furniture was much bulkier than the older child's bedroom set. Also the closet in the smaller room was twice the size as the closet in the bigger room. My older daughter has more clothing and obviously the clothing is much bigger than the baby's and requires more hanging space/length. I was able to add 2 new closet poles for a total of 3 poles in the smaller bedroom closet giving me 3 times the hanging space. A fresh pink paint job and new disney princess bedding/curtains, etc and viola my older daughter was in heaven...lol.
Peace and Blessings,
T. B.
In my home my daughter (5) has the larger room and my SD (13) has the smaller room. I would still have it this way even if my SD lived here all the time. My daughter has more toys, the teen has more electronics that don't take up as much space.
My husband also gave the larger room to my SD when she was young (before we met). My SS had a smaller room as he got older for the same reason. I don't think most teenagers care about the room size, they just want privacy.
Read some of the answers but here is mine. The oldest gets the bigger bedroom. Let her know that when she goes to college that the younger one will move into the larger bedroom. Your youngest is into things that she will be out of soon. It also sounds like you need to sort and toss.
We have two kids, the oldest is a girl and the youngest is a boy. Yes, she got to pick which room she wanted first. Sorry, that is a perk of being the oldest. To me, it sounds like YOU have the problem.
Tough call and one I completely understand. I have 8 kids and a 4 BR house. There are 2 in the basement and nice sized. Then there are 2 on the main floor and pretty small. It's an early 1900's farm house if that helps. No closets, no storage space, they just did not have as much stuff as people today do.
I have the 2 older girls in one room in the basement and the 2 older boys in the other. The 3 little ones (not really little anymore) in one of the upstairs rooms. The youngest still sleeps with me so no need for a bed yet :)
Yes the younger ones room is tight, I have tried moving them around but they like to be together (I'm hoping that changes soon). It has meant that I have had to be creative. I do think the oldest should get the bigger room, not because she is the oldest necessarily, but because husband has already told her she could.
He should have asked you first, but it's to late now. Fifteen is such a precarious age and it could lead to resentment that doesn't really need to happen.
Good luck though and get creative.
It sounds like you WANT the younger one to have the bigger room because it makes more sense logistically. Have you talked to both girls together, and told them your pros/cons? Tell them why you would like to discuss this, and not just default to the older one gets the choice - they are both "big kids" and should have some input/discussion on these types of things. I would say the older one might see reason and let her sister have the bigger room, if she knew why it makes logical sense. Perhaps give the older one some incentive, too, remind her that the smaller room will be easier to keep clean, and has a bigger closet. Maybe if you let her decorate it herself to her own taste, that will be a good incentive?
flip a coin and deal with it however the outcome..... that is what is fair.
I would just talk to your older daughter about it. Just explain that you feel bad putting her in the smaller room but her sister needs room to.play on the floor, she doesnt as she is more grown up. See if there is some compromise, or.if it is even that big of a deal to her. Maybe something new for her smaller room, or allowing her freedom to choose the color and decorate any way she wants. Just explain it like you explained it here. The younger one has three larger pieces of furniture, ect., and you know she claimed dibs but does she really care that much? Just see if there is some deal you can make with her so she can feel happy, maybe she gets the smaller room, but can have a computer or tv in there? 15 is really old enough to understand the situation and be adult about it, if approached in the right way.
I agree that if the oldest called the room and your husband agreed-you should say yes as well. Does your youngest even care or is it just you?
Live in the today and now. The future will be here soon enough and the youngest will then get the bigger room when older sis moves out and on.
Also, you'll probably end up redecorating the room in a few years anyways when you youngest doesn't play with the Barbies anymore and you turn the small room into an office or something more functional.
Flip the coin..
I was going to say the teen does not need a big room, because he will be hanging out with his friends in the family room.. and as soon as he has his drivers license he will not be home as much anyway..
Also if he is in lots of after school activities.. they all hang out together doing sports band, theater.. whatever he is into up at school.
You may just mention this to him..
in our house our oldest has the smallest room in the house. He was not happy about it.. but that was our choice as the parents.
My oldest has the smallest room...
#2&3 share the biggest room.
#4&5 share the next biggest room
then #4&5 have their toy room
Then we have a tv room upstairs ( it is an open room at the top of the steps that you have to walk through to get to two of the bedrooms... my oldest and the toy room)
The reason behind our oldest having the smallest room is because of space/ possessions/ amount of time spent in rooms. He has a room to himself, has the least amount of items in his room and he is also barely in his room. Like I said he was mad at first.. but he got over it and has been fine with it. Plus he likes that he can watch tv after the younger ones have gone to bed and a place for his friends to hang out in and he doesn't have to keep his room up to par because nobody sees it but him. So while his "oldest perks" were taken from him... he still got the best in the end.
hi. i had the bigger room when my bro and i were little and he the smaller. i remember he really was upset. if the older bro gets the bigger room, i would perhaps try to 'compensate' the younger one is a way...for example, can you give him a special drawer or closet space somewhere else in the house????
jilly
I say pick straws and whoever wins - wins. That way no one is the bad guy and everyone before hand agrees that whichever way it goes it is a done deal.
N.
Talk to you husband about why & convince him 8 year old because of stuff. Happy wife not having to yell at 8 year old to pick up her things, happy life remind him.
Your teen needs to get used to downsizing now too. For going to college or moving out.
Are you mentioning that the older one cares either way ? Who is wanting it the most and having an issue about it. If they both are and it is becoming a war, flip a coin. If one of them is passionate and the other one does not care, what is the problem ?
