Need Advice for My 13 Month Old Daughter

I am a huge advocate of time out. I know it seems young, but it really works as long as you use it properly (we started time outs with DS around 10 months and they continue to be effective now at 2 1/2).

Pick a spot that you don't use for anything else (ours is the corner between our front door and stairs).

When our son would hit or bite, we would say "OUCH! That hurts!" Then plop him down in the spot and say "you are on time out." Then cut off communication. In the beginning I would just stay with my back turned now, I leave the room or go on with whatever I was doing.

When the time out is over (they recommend a minute for every year, but you might start with like 30 seconds until she learns to stay there) I just go back and talk to him about his bad choice, get an appology and then go on with our day. I used to tell him "I put you on time out because you hit Mommy. I don't like hitting." but now I just ask him "Why did you get on time out." but she'll need to be pretty verbal and understand time out pretty well before you can do that.

Good luck! and I hope the hitting stops!

T.

Hi N.,

It's funny, my kids are very similar in age to yours. (10 yo daughter, 6yo son and 21 mo son.) We had the same problem with our youngest hitting. We've been saying "no hitting" with a stern, unhappy expression on the face. If I am near him, I also grab and hold his hands firmly at the same time. I had read that toddlers read facial cues well, so it is a good tool to communicate pleasure/displeasure with their behavior. It's taken several months, but we are seeing a significant decrease in how frequently he is hitting.

-D.

I say your'e doing exactly what is appropriate for a 13 month old. She probably really won't understand the time out & modeling gentle touching is a great approach. Another mom also suggested not giving it much attention which I also agree with. Once you model gentle touching, move quickly onto another activity cuz talking about it too much could result in more hitting to get attention. And definately keep talking to your older kids about setting a good example. Our boys are 4.5 yrs apart & this is a constant struggle for me. Some days, our 7.5 yo reacts like his 3 yo brother. 90% of the time, our 7.5 yo is pretty mature so it boggles me when he has such immature reactions to things. For us, it's also the tone & words our older son uses to us & his brother so keep that in mind as your littlest one gets closer to talking & remind the older kids to set an example there, as well. Good luck!

hitting is not serious when they are so young...however it can be frusterating, worrisome and disruptive to the other members of your family. If it is disregarded, too gentle or even if the reaction is laughing, smiling, or overly upset (too much attention) then you could have a bigger problem on your hands in the future. I would make sure that you respond firmly to each act. She may be testing you and her siblings. Or like you said mimicking the behavior that she sees with the older ones. She obviously is too young for long formal time outs and other "punishments". I would firmly tell her "---her name--WE DO NOT HIT" Then remove her from the environment she is in for about a minute. My youngest would do that and bully her older sibling and I would remove her too a booster high chair that was an extra and not used at dinner time. I would refrain from placing her in the crib because you want her comfortable in her room. If you think she would stay you could also place her in an official time out spot (if you have one that you use with your other children). My youngest would never stay. I would not go overboard with your reaction, yell, or spend too much time with her after the event. You do not want her to repeat this behavior. The worst thing you could do would be over react or pay too much attention after the hitting episode because it will then reinforce the negative behavior response. Good luck! All kids are different and some hit or bite at a young age but it doesn't mean they will continue. I think you have been very lucky with your older two in the behavior department if they never did this. : )

Hi,
I am a mom with a 17yr old boy, 7yr. old girl and 3 yr. old girl. I am 36 and presently was a special ed teacher that has moved up.

The best advice I can give you is to not call alot of attention to the hitting. She is getting a reaction, which is why it might be esculating.

When she hits, tell her firmly- hands are for shaking hands and for eating, not hitting. Then turn your head and ignore her. Try to get the siblings to follow suit as well.

M.

My daughter started biting at this age. I would be holding her and she'd hug me and then bite my shoulder. I would say "OUCH" really loud and then say no biting and put her down. I wouldn't hold her again for at least a minute. Then I'd pick her up and in a calm voice tell her that biting hurts then ask her to give mommy a hug to say sorry. We also started learning the baby sign for sorry at this age so she could tell me sorry when it happened. I think it was the loud voice that would scare her and then the immediate separation that stopped her from this habbit.

That being said, now at the age of 2 if she is really frustrated with her brother (age 4) she will try to bite him. If I see her about to try I stop her by saying "no biting" in a very loud voice. I rarely use a loud voice so when I do, it scares them and they know they are doing something they shouldn't be doing. But if I don't catch her in the act and my son comes to me with teeth marks, she goes to time out in her crib. He is the only person she will try to bite but it is usually because he provokes her by getting in her face after she has tried to tell him to stop.

I'm not an expert, but I hope this helps.

hi my 11 month old also "hits" although never maliciously or in anger- I think he likes the noise his hand makes on my face or other people. It is a concern because I do not want him to hurt me or others- he can hit pretty hard and it can hurt. I tried telling him no, or setting him down which does not usually work- he laughs at me when I say no, so I have been teaching him to give me five on the hand when he gets slap happy- and he thinks that is a game and we play it for a few minutes, I say give me five, up high, on the side, down low- he seems to distract him and we move on to other activities or play time
hope this helps
take care

Our youngest, now two, was a problem hitter and scratcher. I had to stop taking him to the gym childcare (my own choice) because of all the problems. The church nursery worked with us by putting him in an exersaucer after saying "be gentle" for a couple of minutes. This worked very well. At home, we still have problems with him hitting his brothers, sorry to say. He is just so much smaller and easily frustrated (he doesn't want his brothers to sit on the sofa, for example). We put him in time out and then have him say "I'm sorry" when he gets out. For serious biting or other aggression, he goes to his room. Often, it is when he is tired that he is the most aggressive. You might notice the time of day that your daughter is hitting -- maybe she needs an earlier nap.