Favoritism from Grandparents>

Yep.
My parents play favorites with my brother and his 2 sons over me and my daughter...
They like boys better...

This is why I will NEVER spend a xmas with my brothers family.
Don't want my kiddo to see all the stuff my parents get her cousins.

My parents can see my daughter and his kids separately.

My husbands parents are great. 4 grandkids and they all get EXACTLY the same amounts, every year.

Yes, but I am not sure if my folks are playing favorites, or trying to make up for things.

I have a nephew whose father hasn't really been a presence in his life. My own birth father abandoned me when I was young and so I see him 'making up' for his own mistakes by lavishing attention and some very nice gifts on this nephew.

My other nephews are the product of another sister, also a bio-child of both my dad and his wife. I think their family comes out a bit 'ahead', not that I've asked or kept track, but sometimes it just comes out in conversation that Grandma and Grandpa "did" for them very nicely.

Our Kiddo does tend to get the short end of that stick, but we'll never bring it up. I try to focus on what he does have: two parents that love him and who he gets to see every day. I work on facilitating the relationship to the best of my ability. We send "thank yous" for gifts, keep in touch regularly, and let them grandparent him as they know how. And we don't 'do' holidays with them, so that helps to keep it below Kiddo's radar.

Who knows what is behind the favoritism? I try not to think about it. It does upset me at times. Then I try to remember that we have it pretty good, and whatever they do decide to offer is gravy. Low expectations work wonders for one's outlook in this situation!

Yep and there is NOT ONE THING you can do to change it, unfortunately. My ex mother-in-law admitted to the entire family many years ago that she prefers boys (she raised two) and knows what to buy them and likes doing things with them better than little girls. She had one grandson and three granddaughters. They are now 25, 23, 19 and 14 and none of them really care for her. Even her 25-year-old grandson, who has seen how she has treated his sister and cousins over the years.

It used to bother me when my girls were younger, but I finally learned to laugh at it and try to put a funny spin on it all for my girls so they wouldn't be so hurt. There are many families like this, and I always tell my kids it could be worse. Be thankful for what you have and happy that you have other great people in your lives who love you. One grandma who is a beeotch can't ruin your life.

If the gifting is really so significantly lopsided that the children can't help but notice, then I'd avoid shared opening of most gifts; do ours at home and take my children over later to connect with extended family.

Kids will often take their emotional cues from watching adults. If you are genuinely happy for what your children DO receive, they probably will be, too. They may not have any social expectations about deserving equal gifts with any other particular family members until they hear a parent fussing about it.

After all, parents in some families might give their kids much more expensive gifts than they gift each other, and the kids wouldn't question that – it's just the way it's done. Likewise, in some families, a husband and wife will give each other a much more lavish gift than the kids' presents, and if that's traditional, the kids won't question that, either.

And even on the same generational plane, grandkids, for instance, some will simply have much greater contact with a particular set of grandparents. More distant family, not as well known, might seem more like friendly strangers. Fortunately for my hypothetical grandchildren, since I have only one, I'll never have to find out how hard it might be to treat grandkids equally. I hope I would show fairness and respect similarly for each child, but I suspect it would be really hard to relate to each child in a way that would seem fair to each other, while still honoring the depth of any unique relationship.

Hmm. Interesting problem. now that I really think about it.

It happened in my husband's family. His grandfather lived in the same city but wouldn't drive 30 minutes to go to he and his siblings games, recitals, etc. However, he would fly across country frequently to visit the other grandkids. Their father was the "mess" in the family, I guess. My husband's father had his life together. So, I see why he did it. He probably had a very heavy heart for the cousins. However, he damaged his relationship with my husband and his siblings something awful. Even as adults they talk about him in a negative way and will bring up the fact that he always made excuses and never came to see them, even though he wasn't far away.

In my family, it was my aunt who favored her son over her two daughters. My mom would mention it on occasion when I was in college. I didn't get it until now that I have kids. Looking back, I'm sure she didn't mean it. She just felt a bond with him. However, kids pick up on this and it is damaging.

I get it now. Even I, regretfully, have a favorite (please don't bash me for this...I'm not an awful mother and I love my children like crazy...read on and you'll see what I mean). I don't "get" my oldest. He couldn't be more different than myself. He was born self-centered and I just have such a hard time accepting it. His empathy has also been very slow to develop, but fortunately, he's coming around now. In general, he is very hard to raise and gives me grey hairs. It's not something I created, it is just his nature; he's been like this from the get go. My other is a pleaser and I get her. My child will never know it though, because as awful as it sounds in words, we are very tight and affectionate with each other. I do not treat them differently (other than the fact that I am having to guide and teach my son much more often than my daughter...common courtesy doesn't come naturally to him). I am very careful! I would talk to your sister about it. She may not be aware. She may just feel so connected with this one child that she sees gifts that she knows this one child will just love. I would maybe remind her, however, the effects this could have on the others.

Things like this, irk me to no end.
It is REALLY MEAN.
Kids... DO know and DO catch on AND it will affect them. And their interpersonal relationship, together.

The parents, need to, teach and guide their kids... that the quantity of presents... DOES NOT INDICATE 'love' nor 'like' nor who is better than the other.
The parents, has to teach their kids that.
And how, some adults are NOT fair, at all.
That gifts, are not about who is best or favored.

I can't stand, relatives that do that.
Even among my own relatives.
It is really mean.
Just plain ol' mean, when kids are treated that way, by an adult who should know better.

She shouldn't do that, really. It's pretty mean spirited and hurtful to the little ones.

I am a grandmother...my grandson lives with us, my granddaughter I only see about once a month, even though we live a short distance away. Her other grandmother babysits her while my daughter-in-law is at college classes. I give each of them the same amount for birthdays and holidays, but my grandson gets things often that she doesn't get. The thing is, I see it when he needs new clothes, school supplies, jammies, etc, plus I treat him to hot wheels and such because he's such a good little guy. Is that unfair? I don't think so.

Yes, and I accept it. There are some people, children included, who are more likeable than others. The more pleasant one is, the more they seem to get. Should the grandparents show clear favoritism? No. They should know better but it does happen. Maybe it is easy for me to accept because my sister and I were the favorite grandchildren. I was also the baby of the family and all the other grandchildren except my sister were adults so basically we were like a second set of grandchildren for our gram and pap.

My MIL totally forgot that she had a second granddaughter at one point in time. She got something for her two grandsons and one of my daughters. I'm not sure it was actually favoritism but things like this happen. She also spends a lot more time with her grandsons than her granddaughters so I understand why she does more and gets more for them. She loves them all, but the boys get more of her resources simply because they are there more often.

Yes, my oldest daughter was always the "golden child" in the family as far as the kids were concerened. Everyone saw it but whenever her grandmother was confronted about it, she would deny it and justify her behavior. My intuition was telling me to do something about it but I didn't listen. I was so thankful that my kids had a grandparent that wanted to be so involved that I just asked her to stop. I should have done so much more than that. When my daughter was in high school, she started sneaking around doing things that we didn't allow and guess who helped her do it? Yep, her grandmother. We didn't know it at the time, but it did come out later. Her grandmother ended up driving our daughter to college....we didn't even get to do that. Now, she's been gone to college for 1 1/2 years and her grandmother has her so brainwashed that our daughter doesn't even speak to us! We were very involved loving parents. We were extremely close to our daughter until her senior year when her grandmother started telling her that we weren't good parents because we wouldnt' just let her run around with any and every boy she met. This situation could be very serious. Please put a stop to it now. Good luck.

This sets my "Fair-O-Meter off!!!!! Good grief. I would let her know immediately. Thankfully my two sisters and I have the same "Fair-O-Meter" so these things do not happen in our Christmas. I definitely would say something to one of them if it did. I would expect the same if it was me. Sisters should be able to say things in a loving way but still get your point across. Unfortunately this type of thing happens all the time. It shouldn't matter how "likable" someone is or how much time is spent together, fair is fair. Good luck.

Yes!!!! Who am I to say If favortisim is wrong. The bible does say that God is against favortisim (Genesis 25:28: 27:6-17). Favoritism comes from a selfish heart. My sister- In- law and I have been dealing with our mil who favors one child from each of her sons, both girls and both from previous realtionships.Yes our step-daughters. oh no not the wicked step-mothers by golley! The mil uses this and makes it appear that we are wicked and could never love them to the fullest as the ones we gave birth to. Heres the thing. We do love them to the fullest and the mil has done nothing but, make them stay distant and actually depriving them a chance to be completly happy. She puts ideas in their heads and has actually said to them when they were small that your step mother does,nt love you. Twisted right. I guess we have favoritism and mil issues all in one but I will try to stick to the favoritism only for this case. When my husband and I started dating my step daughter was the very first and most important topic of discussion for both of us and if he felt in any way that I would be an awful woman to his child.He would have never dated me. we never discussed or even could forsee that my mil would come in the way of something that could have been a lot more special between me and my step-daughter. She has traind her well enough to always feel like my mil is the only person that will love her. She has even made her feel like my husband can't even love her like she does.Yes we experience the gift issue and thats all year long she buys my step-daughter what ever she wants and if we say no for get about it! Some how she over rules and she gets literally what ever she wants. Its even to the point where what ever we do can't even compare. Thats because we love all of our children extremly thay are all our everything and they all have different personalities and we love them all unconditionally without obligation. Its frustrating because she will call and only want to talk to her she will stop over and only want to see her she only brings up memories of her. When we have to disipline my step daughter my mil will act like a child her self and say why and thats not fair, its to the point where we are probably actually a little less fair to the other children. You see we have to be very careful about anything we do with my step-daughter because she knows that she can run to my mil with what ever exagerated story and the mil will agree and convince my husband that we were to hard or that my step-daughter should get her own way. One time when the girls were little( my step and my daughter) My daughter fell and cracked her head open on the pavement and my mil did'nt give a care in the world that she cracked her head and was bleeding she said" what about step you need to pay attention to her" crazy right! my husband was like shes not the one bleeding from her head right now. she would come to our house when my daughter was small and walk right passed her and go and hug the step. She would ask to take step places and not the other one. The list goes on and she is far worse to my sister and brother in law she actually made them lose her other favorite. and she has never loved their girls hardly at all i am actually pretty sure she don't love them or my daughter one bit. She picks on my daughters weight and actually was questioning her sexuality, she never compliments her and only takes her sometimes. Well the list goes on and its kind of scary because it seems more like an obsession than favoritism and i am more worried about how its affected my step-daughter than anything else. The results are starting to show the older she gets and its really creepy!

Speak up! Tell your sister, in case she doesn't realize it. If she does know what she is doing and won't change, then make sure the gifts are not opened in front of the other grandchildren. If she has a reason to be overly generous to one, she surely would not want to hurt the others intentionally.